Advice please

cesc77

Hi,I wonder can some kind soul offer some advice as to what course of action I take next(if any)?

Ive just randomly found out that a good friend of mine from secondary school passed last year(he was early thirties).There was a group of six of us who were inseperable,until we went our own ways and lost contact.

After about a decade I tried to initiate contact with the other five lads,but after speaking to some of them on the phone it didnt seem such a good idea as we were all completely different people to how we were.

I had called this lad in question and his dad answered the phone.He said that it would be good for the lad if I tried to call again later as he was going through a rough time accepting the death of his sister,whom he was particularly close to.I did call back and we chatted.He seemed a bit down but we talked away about the old times for a while.I think I left it that I would call him if I could arrange a reunion.

Like I said,I never got around to doing that.This is hard to admit but part of me couldnt face dealing with other peolples issues as I wasnt having a great time myself.Suddenly the reunion idea didnt seem so great.

Anyway,today I found out that he died suddenly around 7 months ago and I dont know what to do.

Should I contact his parents with a call or a letter/card to let them know how sorry I am or will this rake things up again for them as they have now lost their only two children?Will his father blame me for not being there for his son when I knew he was in a bad place?

I dont know how he died to add to the issue.Im cheesed off that other classmates didnt let me know the state of play before his death and of course that he had passed.

I know doing nothing is the cowardly thing to do but thats not me,unless someone advises me otherwise.

Im sorry about the length of the post and realise my issue must seem trivial compared to some of the posts on here.

Thanks for reading.

Otis Driftwood

You really have nothing to feel bad about.

The circumstances of his death you dont know so there is no point in speculating on it though I think you are thinking that he took his own life.If he did then while tragic,a school reunion wouldnt have been enough to pull out of the spiral he was in.

People are ultimately masters of their own destiny and if we need help then we have to reach out and want to be helped.

In respect of contacting his parents,I guess it depends on how well you know/knew them.If you had a good relationship with them then I think a card may be a little impersonal so maybe a phone call or if you can,call to the house to see them.

My cousin died 2 years ago tragically and his Dad still occasionally has his sons friends call around for a chat about him (my cousin) and to share stories.My uncle likes this because even though his son is gone,he will never be forgotten,that is the most important thing.

Doogieboogie

I would say, send the card. Write on it that you only recently heard of his passing, that you used to be close, and express your condolences. They don't need to hear the ins and outs of why the reunion didn't take place - this type of thing happens (or doesn't happen) every day - but they'll appreciate the card and that you you took time to write. I never would have sent cards to people I didn't know well in the past, but I do now, as I know they are appreciated.

fataltragedy

I would say send the card.

We still receive letters from my sisters' old school friends now, or some call for a chat now and then, just to get a connection to the girl they once knew and loved - some of the closer ones even call in to see my parents regularly. And you know what? It lifts both the friends and my family, to know that people cared for her, and remember her - and have her a part of their lives now even though she herself is gone.

A kind gesture never goes astray, I think *rose*