Women

Tauriel

How many animals can be found in a womans tights?

10 little piggys
2 calfs
An ass
And a pussy

_________________________________________

A penis says to his balls "Right lads get ready and i'll take you to a party!"

The balls reply "You f**king liar! You always go in and leave us outside knocking!":eek::eek::eek:

IamtheWalrus

There was no humour in either of those.

kk7

Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney
and asked,"Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing
people to get cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, that is true."
"And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat
and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries.. is that true,
mister lawyer?"
"Sure is Bubba, but why do you ask.?
"Cause I was think'.... maybe I can sue Budweiser for all them ugly women I've been wakin' up with!"

kk7

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there
he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous
petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you
call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here
that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down
on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his
way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the
sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy
man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?"
says the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you
fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins
him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted
by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.

The man yells, "I quit! Here's my damn membership card. You can
have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You
haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I can't take this **** any longer.
I'm 75 years old. I only get an erection once a month but I fart
15 times a day*

kk7

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.

Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really, " he said, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent. We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern redneck."

Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."

IamtheWalrus

chucknorris wrote: »

That may be true but i've heard none from you

What's the difference between a gynecologist and a puppy?

They both have wet noses.

randylonghorn

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

There was no humour in either of those.

Charter wrote:

Also folks - I do not want to see abuse because you didn't like their joke or it's been posted before. Even if this is the worst joke you've ever heard, please don't make a post saying "That's crap!" or whatever. Instead, please use the rating system build into the boards software (you'll see it at the top of a thread - choose from 1 to 5 stars of a rating).