Still Waters No Longer Running, Derp.

19-03-2013 4:19pm

How would a person go about making a word cloud of his articles?

The Black Oil · 19-03-2013 4:46pm

Wordle can help on that front, though it's a bit limited.

Bannasidhe · 19-03-2013 5:18pm

The Black Oil wrote: »

Time for a JW drinking game.

Pick up an article by Waters. Take a drink when:

JW mentions religion – a sip of beer
JW blames the media, liberals, feminists, etc – one shot
JW blames blogs and social media – two shots
A JW article generates a satirical response – three shots

Do not, under any circumstances, attempt this game unless in vomiting distance of an accident and emergency unit with expertise in alcohol poisoning. :eek:

Bannasidhe · 19-03-2013 5:19pm

Sarky wrote: »

Indeed. bollocks, eh?

Absolutely but we shall gird our ovaries and show testicular fortitude.

Penn · 19-03-2013 5:20pm

I normally have to drink before I read one of his articles, never mind drinking during it too

Waking-Dreams · 19-03-2013 10:37pm

Here's a new supplement you can use with future articles. Will make it more fun.

Penn · 19-03-2013 10:45pm

F*cking brilliant

Hotblack Desiato · 19-03-2013 11:07pm

Bannasidhe wrote: »

Do not, under any circumstances, attempt this game unless in vomiting distance of an accident and emergency unit with expertise in alcohol poisoning. :eek:

This is Ireland... they're all expert in dealing with it

Waking-Dreams · 20-03-2013 12:37am

I just grabbed the largest image I could find of Mr. Waters from google images but on reflection it’s somewhat funny that he also happens to be holding a newspaper in that picture, as though it’s his own latest diatribe he has there and is waiting for us all to get stuck in.

The look on his face: “Well, what are you waiting for, assholes? Try making sense of this latest endeavour in sumptuous grandiloquence.”

IT-Guy · 20-03-2013 3:12am

Watched the movie Outbreak earlier, there was a great line in it from Kevin Spacey's character I thought appropriate to Mr. Waters' style

Sam Daniels: Alarmingly high fatality. All localized within a three mile radius. Incubation period: short. Appears contained. Alarmingly. Casey, you didn't put "alarmingly."
Casey Schuler: It's an adverb, Sam. It's a lazy tool of a weak mind.

The Black Oil · 20-03-2013 11:03pm

That bingo thing needs to go viral.

two wheels good · 21-03-2013 2:44pm

Letters to the Editor includes an amusing parody of discussion over the past days. (At least I hope it's parody!)

letter 2
letter 3

I can't find a link to letter 1 (March 18),which was very convincing.

Newaglish · 21-03-2013 5:47pm

I wonder does John Waters read those letters and think "what a well constructed and clear piece of writing!", or scratch his head in frustrated bemusement like the rest of us.

keane2097 · 21-03-2013 6:25pm

Newaglish wrote: »

I wonder does John Waters read those letters and think "what a well constructed and clear piece of writing!", or scratch his head in frustrated bemusement like the rest of us.

He probably doesn't write them for a start.

freyners · 21-03-2013 7:33pm

Reading one of his articles i always get the feeling he just writes a load of illegible crap and then puts it through an online thesaurus a la joey in friends. Im still waiting for it to be signed

waffe waffle waffle atheists grrrrrr waffle waffle waffle

I'm right and you're wrong

John H2O

Nodin · 21-03-2013 8:19pm

freyners wrote: »

Reading one of his articles i always get the feeling he just writes a load of illegible crap and then puts it through an online thesaurus a la joey in friends.

............

Plus......

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/big-book-of-philosophy-naomi-zack/1112062196

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Understanding-Catholicism/dp/1592575358/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363893537&sr=1-1

two wheels good · 22-03-2013 12:53am

two wheels good wrote: »

Letters to the Editor includes an amusing parody of discussion over the past days. (At least I hope it's parody!)

letter 2
letter 3

I can't find a link to letter 1 (March 18),which was very convincing.

In the absence of a link to "letter 1" which kicked-off this series of verbiage ... here it is in living monochrome. (Why doesn't it appear inline?)
Mr K deserves some credit, I think.

recedite · 22-03-2013 7:45pm

two wheels good wrote: »

an amusing parody of discussion over the past days. (At least I hope it's parody!)
letter 2

letter 3

"Resisting all temptations to indulge in verbosity......"
Letter 3 is brilliantly Waters-esque in its dialectic of pomposity with patent nonsense. Plus extra bonus points for the most excellent word "ratiocination."

On the other hand, Letter 2 employs more than "a modicum of plausible verisimilitude" by blinding the reader with the pseudo-scientific word "numinosity".
I'll give both of them 9.5 out of 10

fitz0 · 22-03-2013 7:50pm

Letter 3 is definitely satire. It's great in that it even makes sense in a perverse word torture way.

darjeeling · 22-03-2013 8:55pm

I'm guessing whoever edits the letters page is not a Waters fan, seeing the free rein given to all this sesquipedalian piss-taking.

martoman · 23-03-2013 3:09am

Did you know Waters was very critical of FIFA’s decision in the early 1990s to introduce the back-pass rule into football? Here is how he responded: “In contrast to the sportmanly sagacious ontological completeness of the back-pass concordat, we now, lamentablely, have insubstantial progressives who invoke a positivistic aesthetic appreciation of the materialistic incompleteness of free flowing frolic.”

robindch · 23-03-2013 9:50am

^^^ Ow, my eyes hurt.

Newaglish · 25-03-2013 12:15pm

martoman wrote: »

Did you know Waters was very critical of FIFA’s decision in the early 1990s to introduce the back-pass rule into football? Here is how he responded: “In contrast to the sportmanly sagacious ontological completeness of the back-pass concordat, we now, lamentablely, have insubstantial progressives who invoke a positivistic aesthetic appreciation of the materialistic incompleteness of free flowing frolic.”

I can no longer accurately identify satire...

goose2005 · 25-03-2013 12:40pm

Someone doesn't get the joke

Sir, – One fervently hopes that Peadar de Barra’s vain effort to resist the temptation to indulge in verbosity (March 21st), was made by jamming his tongue firmly in his cheek.
Otherwise, he makes another worthy founding member of the Pseuds’ Corner, which you are so lax in not providing for Messrs de Barra, Kehoe, Waters and their ilk. Only in such a sanctuary could they give full vent to their obfuscating rhetoric. Whatever about the poverty of secularist thought, it rarely lacks clarity. You do not need recourse to a philosophical dictionary to interpret the prose of Richard Dawkins or the late Christopher Hitchens. Verbosity seems to be a favourite refuge of the irrational. Of course anti-secularists will have no truck with rationality; indeed, they now seem to have superseded it with “irrational rationality”. Well, I suppose nonsense by any other name.
Perhaps adherents to the religious standpoint should reflect on the myriads of mysteries, exoteric and otherwise, that once defied rationalisation and are now perfectly understood by all. Science eventually resolves most , if not all, mysteries. There is nothing “ultimately insoluble” about existence either – it just is. Our natural universe provides enough awe, inspiration, beauty and challenge to satisfy any human being. No need to transcend it. – Yours, etc,
FRANK CONROY,
Leenane PO,
Maam, Co Galway.

LittleBook · 25-03-2013 12:55pm

two wheels good wrote: »

In the absence of a link to "letter 1" which kicked-off this series of verbiage ... here it is in living monochrome. (Why doesn't it appear inline?)
Mr K deserves some credit, I think.

The Poverty of Secularist Thinking - Joe Kehoe