invited to hen, but not wedding

whatdoicare

I wouldn't bother going if I was you- it smacks very much of a bride and groom wanting the cake and eating it too- they want you and yr OH to fork out for the hen and stag, plus present etc but without having to pay for you to attend the important part. I also reckon they are banking on yr fella sticking with you and not going for the meal. It costs nothing to invite someone to an afters. Hotels actually advise you only budget for 60% of guests when paying for afters (which is what we did and noone went hungry)

Make damn sure you don't go to that hen, it's very bad form what they did there.

Frank Black

Way too much over-analysis and assumptions on this thread.
Why not go to the hen if you want to or alternatively don’t go to the hen if you don’t want to?
Simples.


Or am I missing something?

POKERKING

black francis wrote: »

Way too much over-analysis and assumptions on this thread.
Why not go to the hen if you want to or alternatively don’t go to the hen if you don’t want to?
Simples.


Or am I missing something?

your pretty much missing the whole point of the thread....

Teyla Emmagan

Don't even dream of going to the hen OP.

curlywurly26

I think the most insulting part of this is that you've been going out for 2 years yet weren't on the invite with him!? I've been going out with my boyf for 2 1/2 years and I'd be quite insulted if I wasn't invited along to a wedding with him - and I don't think he'd be impressed if I wasn't invited either!
It's one thing not doing a generic +1 for people as you want to keep numbers down but to not invite a long term partner is just rude.
Plus, I don't think your invite is lost in the post as why would they send you and your boyf seperate invites?

The hen party thing is completely up to you but if it costs a lot, do you really want to spend your hard earned money on someone who obviously isn't willing to do the same for you?

Balmed Out

Is this a very small wedding?
If so then it may be fair enough and inviting you to the hen is trying to make up for not inviting you to the wedding.
You dont have to go if you dont want to.

Penny Dreadful

Bobblehead Panda wrote: »

Are you invited to the afters? That makes things slightly different.

Slightly different as in worse:eek:
You're not invited to the wedding itself but you are expected to attend an expensive hens weekend and then be grateful that you've been invited to the afters of the wedding itself.....boo hisss
**feel the need to state for the record that I dislike hen parties anyway and cannot understand that need for an afters party at a wedding. You're either invited or you're not.

toadfly

I wouldn't go OP, not a hope.

Friend of mine is with her OH 8 years, they are getting married next year and he got an invite to a wedding for him plus guest. So rude.

susiebubbles

OP any reason why you are only invited to the afters? Have you spoken to the bride/groom your bf about it?

Heineken Helen

Balmed Out wrote: »

Is this a very small wedding?
If so then it may be fair enough and inviting you to the hen is trying to make up for not inviting you to the wedding.
You dont have to go if you dont want to.

Possibly... we had a small wedding and were quite open with how we could only afford to see people we see regularly. However, there were other people who I felt seriously bad I couldn't invite (but hadn't seen them in years and don't talk to them often) so I invited them to the hen cos I wanted them to be involved somehow. However, none of their other halves were invited . The hen party was not a rent a crowd by any means but also to include those who couldn't come.

If this is genuinely a rudeness thing though, I'd simply turn up to the wedding as a plus 1 and say you assumed it was plus 1 . I've heard of people doing that.

Balmed Out

Balmed Out wrote: »

Is this a very small wedding?
If so then it may be fair enough and inviting you to the hen is trying to make up for not inviting you to the wedding.
You dont have to go if you dont want to.

are you serious? how is expecting somebody to shell out a fortune for a hen party and not inviting them to a wedding "making it up to them"

Prehaps the bride could "make it up" to her by treating HER, and not the other way around.

Shmatter

susiebubbles wrote: »

OP any reason why you are only invited to the afters? Have you spoken to the bride/groom your bf about it?

I've spoken to my boyfriend, I think we're both going to go together, which means to the afters, or not at all.

Deleted User wrote: »

are you serious? how is expecting somebody to shell out a fortune for a hen party and not inviting them to a wedding "making it up to them"

Prehaps the bride could "make it up" to her by treating HER, and not the other way around.

I don't know how much it costs for a seat in a wedding, but the hen is looking at a good few hundred at this stage, I'm obviously not going

AnnyHallsal

I think this is rude as all hell and certainly wouldn't go if I didn't want to.

Bubblegums

Don't go to the hen thingy. Simples! She seems like a bridezilla wan off the tv hehehe

I had it the other way round, 3 of us came to my 'hen' night (it was a quiet dinner out) and the bridesmaid and mother of the bride didn't even make it lol

Bubblegums

TillyGirl wrote: »

I wouldn't go OP, not a hope.

Friend of mine is with her OH 8 years, they are getting married next year and he got an invite to a wedding for him plus guest. So rude.

I was invited to a work person's wedding as myself '... and partner' ... we are married...?!? They never bothered their ass to find out my husband's name... the invite itself was full of errors, not even the proper address for the church, no time on it, no reception venue on it even! So we never bothered going, and never bothered giving a present, or even mentioned the wedding, I acted like I was never invited as the invite had just been left on my desk on a day I was out of the office, no one asked was I going, no one said anything, weird but lol :rolleyes:

Saaron

Very odd! Definitely wouldn't go.

Heineken Helen

Bubblegums wrote: »

I was invited to a work person's wedding as myself '... and partner' ... we are married...?!? They never bothered their ass to find out my husband's name... the invite itself was full of errors, not even the proper address for the church, no time on it, no reception venue on it even! So we never bothered going, and never bothered giving a present, or even mentioned the wedding, I acted like I was never invited as the invite had just been left on my desk on a day I was out of the office, no one asked was I going, no one said anything, weird but lol :rolleyes:

Wow... just... wow! A work person invited you and your partner (husband counts as partner) and you didn't even reply? Not finding your partners name doesn't count as rude... not replying does!

Happyzebra

I got invited to a work mates wedding but didn't get the invite until after the rsvp date! I didn't go....and didn't rsvp ... No point I'd missed the deadline

LLU

that's a ridiculous snub. tell her you're not going on her hen weekend and furthermore wish her a bout of food poisoning on it.

LadyTBolt

Shmatter wrote: »

I may ask my boyfriend to not attend the wedding till the afters with me, is that bad? I'd feel a lot less pathetic then

and I'm 100% sure that my invites not lost in the post.

I find all of this a bit strange to say the least and I think there is more to it than meets the eye.

You have been invited to the hen.
You have not received an invite to the wedding.
You have not been invited on your Boyfriend of 2 yrs' invitation - but his house mate has.

I reckon you were invited to the hen out of politeness.
If you haven't been invited to the wedding directly nor as your BF's +1 then the Bride & Groom did not intend on you being at the wedding.
If they did want to invite you would they not have put you and your BF down together and the housemate on his own?

Don't go to the hen and don't give a reason.
I think by not inviting you directly/indirectly but inviting you to the hen is a bit of an insult.
At this stage I wouldn't even go to the afters.

spaceHopper

I think you could have gotten it wrong, it's not possible to invite everybody to the wedding they have to make cuts, weddings are expensive, they are close to your OH so they invited him to the meal but aren't able to invite everybody, maybe they don't have the money or the venue is very small.

They are inviting you to the afters it's the best they can do.

I'm just back form my honeymoon before the wedding my cousin told me if we were tight for numbers that she didn't expect us to inviter her boyfriend, even though it's a long term relationship, it was very good of her.

If you can't afford the hen then decline gracefully but make an effort to go to the afters.

Also don't be suspired if close to the time they comeback and say that they have less number than expect and can invite you to the whole thing. It's a minefield and balancing act - don't take it personally

LadyTBolt

I don't buy that 'making cuts' story.
If you wanted to make cuts it could have been done by not inviting the BF to the whole wedding and sending them both an invite to the afters.
I would never ever invite one half of a couple to my wedding.
That is just rude.
I would either suck up the extra cost and invite them both so I do not hurt anyones feelings or I would make the equal cut and invite both to the afters.
Not inviting the girlfriend but inviting the housemate says enough.
And then to invite the GF to the hen after only inviting her BF and his housemate to the wedding.
That's a blatent disregard for the OP's feelings.

HairMonster

LadyTBolt wrote: »

I don't buy that 'making cuts' story.
If you wanted to make cuts it could have been done by not inviting the BF to the whole wedding and sending them both an invite to the afters.
I would never ever invite one half of a couple to my wedding.
That is just rude.
I would either suck up the extra cost and invite them both

The "making cuts story" is very possible. If its a small wedding with only family & close friends with no partners, the extra cost of inviting partners would almost double the cost... that a lot to "suck up" if you are trying to keep to a small budget. Maybe the BF & housemate are part of a group of close friends of the bride or groom which is why they were invited and not the OP.

I've been to a wedding with 40 guests, and there is no way you can include partners if you are trying to keep to that kind of number. They invited their groups of close friends, so it wasn't as if anyone was on their own. If they didn't want to pay for an extra 25 guests who were not among their closest friends, then that was their prerogative and we understood.

The hen is a different matter. It is odd that the OP was invited to the hen and not the ceremony, but she has not confirmed if she is friends with the couple or just her BF. If she's good friends with the couple then it was wrong not to invite her to the ceremony. But if she was invited because her BF is their friend, then I could buy what someone said about trying to make her feel included to make up for not being able to invite her to the wedding. It was insensitive though.

Manzoor14

hmm is there any chance at all that maybe you might have scored the groom back in the day and he doesn't want any women from his past at the wedding!?
I know i've heard of that happening before!

paulbok

Definately don't go to the hen, and think about giving it all a miss TBH.


I don't get the idea of inviting people to hens/stags that aren't invited to the wedding. To me, only immediate family and close friends should be on the hen/stag with you.

I'm also of the opinion as another poster posted on afters, you're either invited or not. If someone put me on the afters list because they had to keep numbers down, I'd prefer not being invited, not because I'd feel left out or upset/bitter, but I feel it's be easier on everyone if they just made their list for the full day and leave it at that.
The only exceptions I'd make for this would be work collogues or sports teams, where it'd be impractical to invite them all.
That said I haven't heard of afters invites in a long time so I guess they are dying out.

Gatica

Well we've all been ranting with assumptions that you've been snubbed. Is it possible the wedding was planned before they'd met you or knew you were together? Do you live together or is it just the BF and his flatmate? If so, then I can understand how someone could just invite 'one household'.
The invite to the hen is the oddest part for sure. Why invite someone you don't know well enough to invite to wedding?... If it's expensive as you say, and you're not close enough to be at wedding day, then it would be perfectly acceptable to decline, no need to give a reason.
I admit that I wouldn't want to be turning up at afters to meet up with OH who'd been there for whole thing, I'd either go together to afters or not go myself at all. Their prerogative to invite who they want, yours to decide if you wish to go.