invited to hen, but not wedding

spaceHopper

I think you could have gotten it wrong, it's not possible to invite everybody to the wedding they have to make cuts, weddings are expensive, they are close to your OH so they invited him to the meal but aren't able to invite everybody, maybe they don't have the money or the venue is very small.

They are inviting you to the afters it's the best they can do.

I'm just back form my honeymoon before the wedding my cousin told me if we were tight for numbers that she didn't expect us to inviter her boyfriend, even though it's a long term relationship, it was very good of her.

If you can't afford the hen then decline gracefully but make an effort to go to the afters.

Also don't be suspired if close to the time they comeback and say that they have less number than expect and can invite you to the whole thing. It's a minefield and balancing act - don't take it personally

LadyTBolt

I don't buy that 'making cuts' story.
If you wanted to make cuts it could have been done by not inviting the BF to the whole wedding and sending them both an invite to the afters.
I would never ever invite one half of a couple to my wedding.
That is just rude.
I would either suck up the extra cost and invite them both so I do not hurt anyones feelings or I would make the equal cut and invite both to the afters.
Not inviting the girlfriend but inviting the housemate says enough.
And then to invite the GF to the hen after only inviting her BF and his housemate to the wedding.
That's a blatent disregard for the OP's feelings.

HairMonster

LadyTBolt wrote: »

I don't buy that 'making cuts' story.
If you wanted to make cuts it could have been done by not inviting the BF to the whole wedding and sending them both an invite to the afters.
I would never ever invite one half of a couple to my wedding.
That is just rude.
I would either suck up the extra cost and invite them both

The "making cuts story" is very possible. If its a small wedding with only family & close friends with no partners, the extra cost of inviting partners would almost double the cost... that a lot to "suck up" if you are trying to keep to a small budget. Maybe the BF & housemate are part of a group of close friends of the bride or groom which is why they were invited and not the OP.

I've been to a wedding with 40 guests, and there is no way you can include partners if you are trying to keep to that kind of number. They invited their groups of close friends, so it wasn't as if anyone was on their own. If they didn't want to pay for an extra 25 guests who were not among their closest friends, then that was their prerogative and we understood.

The hen is a different matter. It is odd that the OP was invited to the hen and not the ceremony, but she has not confirmed if she is friends with the couple or just her BF. If she's good friends with the couple then it was wrong not to invite her to the ceremony. But if she was invited because her BF is their friend, then I could buy what someone said about trying to make her feel included to make up for not being able to invite her to the wedding. It was insensitive though.

Manzoor14

hmm is there any chance at all that maybe you might have scored the groom back in the day and he doesn't want any women from his past at the wedding!?
I know i've heard of that happening before!

paulbok

Definately don't go to the hen, and think about giving it all a miss TBH.


I don't get the idea of inviting people to hens/stags that aren't invited to the wedding. To me, only immediate family and close friends should be on the hen/stag with you.

I'm also of the opinion as another poster posted on afters, you're either invited or not. If someone put me on the afters list because they had to keep numbers down, I'd prefer not being invited, not because I'd feel left out or upset/bitter, but I feel it's be easier on everyone if they just made their list for the full day and leave it at that.
The only exceptions I'd make for this would be work collogues or sports teams, where it'd be impractical to invite them all.
That said I haven't heard of afters invites in a long time so I guess they are dying out.

Gatica

Well we've all been ranting with assumptions that you've been snubbed. Is it possible the wedding was planned before they'd met you or knew you were together? Do you live together or is it just the BF and his flatmate? If so, then I can understand how someone could just invite 'one household'.
The invite to the hen is the oddest part for sure. Why invite someone you don't know well enough to invite to wedding?... If it's expensive as you say, and you're not close enough to be at wedding day, then it would be perfectly acceptable to decline, no need to give a reason.
I admit that I wouldn't want to be turning up at afters to meet up with OH who'd been there for whole thing, I'd either go together to afters or not go myself at all. Their prerogative to invite who they want, yours to decide if you wish to go.