Lone father in need of help and advice

Morag

Offy wrote: »

Not everyone that has social workers knocking on their doors deserves to have social workers knocking on their door. It does sometimes happen because a mentally ill woman makes an untrue accusation.

Or meddling bitter in laws.


jordy1 get yourself a solicitor who will help you.

paperclip2

Just regarding the respite question I have a friend who is a single father with three boys and has full custody due to serious issues with his ex wife. When the boys were little they had one weekend a month in respite as a support for the dad. It was nothing to do with the quality of his parenting but part of the support package devised for them. So it happens.

Kildrought

There is a prejudice in Ireland that women are better parents and thats probably why an unmarried father do not have equal rights to an unmarried mothers

Whilst I would agree with the first part of the statement, the second is not quite accurate.

In the days before DNA testing, whilst it was always possible to be certain who a baby's mother was, one could not be as legally certain who the father was.

Hence mother always had legal guardianship of her child, but for a man to have automatic legally guardianship he had to be married to his child's mother. There is a legal presumption that where a couple are married the husband is father to the children of that marriage.

K-9

Kildrought wrote: »

There is a legal presumption that where a couple are married the husband is father to the children of that marriage.

Indeed and it can cause difficulties when couples split up and the ex wife has children.

Anyway, to the OP, your solicitor should be able to apply for Guardianship for you. I'd say they are aware of that but maybe waiting for the case to develop further before applying, I'd mention it to them definitely.

I do think posters should be given the benefit of the doubt, especially somebody whose first language isn't English. The HSE definitely aren't infallible and if they aren't following a court order on access I'd be very worried.

The other side is they have to be cautious with cases like this and it can be very slow to return things to normality.

It seems odd the mother would go back to Germany and leave 2 kids, sounds like has issues alright and you are left to clean up the mess.

cutymonalisa

Offy, I am far a troll (an indeed take exception to being inferred as such) but think what you will - just because you have had negative experience of social workers in you and your childrens lives for some's 11 years does not automatically transfer to the OP's predicament. I do have some relevant knowledge as to how the Child Protection system works, hence my questionning to the OP - this was not to pick holes in his case but to gain a better understanding as to the serious situation he finds himself in and to give honest advice which the OP has asked for by virtue of his posting.

OP, best of luck. I'm not going to post on this thread again but, again, you are v welcome to p.m me.

LegacyUser

Offy wrote: »

I couldnt disagree with you more. I am a male lone parent for the last 11 years. 11 years ago after my ex-wife threw our three children out on the street she accused me of child abuse. I have put up with all sorts of rubbish from social workers that female lone parents dont have to put up with and Im not alone. John Walters, Bob Geldoff and others have highlighted the abuse male lone parents suffer from both the HSE and the Irish court system. Based on that experience alone I completely disagree with that you have just said.

OP please trust me, record every conversation you have with social workers and tell them BEFOREHAND that you are recording the conversation for your defence. Once they think they will be held accountable in court for their actions you will find their attitude towards you will change. I requested a section 20 report be prepared some time ago, the judge in the case agreed and granted an interim access order while it was been prepared. He said that the access was only to take place if the children wanted it which they didnt. The HSE got documentation from the courts telling them to conduct the section 20 and telling them that an interim access order was in place but it did not mention that it was at the childrens discretion. One of the HSE employees insisted that the children had no choice the access. She was that forceful that she reduced two of my children to tears. I told her that the judge said it was up to the children, she refused to believe me and refused to verfiy the conditions of the court order with the courts. If that isnt prejudice then I dont know what is. My son slit his wrists rather that put up with access that he did not want. Luckily no serious damage was done.

cutymonalisa and Justask really seem to be either trolls or people that have never been on the receiving end of the HSE. I have been on the receiving end right up to the point that I said I was going to sue for the distress the HSE caused my children. Since then I have not had to attend so much as one interview to discuss my children, these 'interviews' which were not sanctioned by the courts I might add, never did so much as one thing to help my children. If the HSE in Ireland did anything to protect children then how on earth were so many children abused while in care? Im afraid the courts will not listen to you OP unless you have evidence so record all conversations with HSE employees.

It really seems to me that the HSE do not follow their own procedures (see previous post for link to their procedures) so the next time they mess up you have to bring it up in court. You have to present evidence to the judge. Once you have evidence to support your claim then the courts cannot refuse to return your children. Are all the social workers you deal with female or are any male?

There all female, as I would expect. Only the main leader is a man, that's it.

The good thing is though, I have it in writing that both children want to come back to me for living in all the reports they have presented so far, but doing barely nothing towards that..:(

I'll have them nailed down at the next court hearing, no worries there what so ever. My solicitor and I have made up our own report, based on written facts, so the HSE has nothing to laugh about then.

They have clearly broken the court rules regarding access, written proof is there, much better then any recording.

Further more I still have all the papers from what the german court ruled in 2005, 2007 and 2008 in regards to the mother. I'm only hoping that I will have the same outcome here as I had back in 2008, when the teamleader that time in germany got thrown out of the job by the judge, becasue they tried the same thing then as there are doing here now.

They also could not present anything against me, when the case was up at that time and they broke also access rules set by the judge in court.

History repeats itself... unfortunately...

Dodd

You wrote.
The current interim order was only till the 19th of this month officially. So, legaly I think the HSE does not have anymore rights to hold the children back as they are doing.

If that is true then you should ask for the kids back and if they say no then call the police to go get them with you and have the interim order with you.
Well that's what I would do.

K-9

I admire your resolve and determination jordy1, must be difficult on your own in a foreign country with not that much support.

Keep the determination, the fight and optimism and things will work out.

There have been cases of false allegations made to the HSE and some people believe the saying we have here, "no smoke without fire". They forget that they are just allegations, the HSE has to investigate but that does not mean there is any truth in it.

Abuse is a very serious allegation these days, particularly against men. Personally I think if somebody makes a false allegation these days it should carry a prison sentence, it can destroy reputations and lives.

LegacyUser

Dodd wrote: »

You wrote.
The current interim order was only till the 19th of this month officially. So, legaly I think the HSE does not have anymore rights to hold the children back as they are doing.

If that is true then you should ask for the kids back and if they say no then call the police to go get them with you and have the interim order with you.
Well that's what I would do.

That's correct that the order was only till the 19th. The HSE wanted to apply for an extension till the 5th of November, but the case was not brought up on the 19th in court, instead it was ajorned till the 20th of September.

From my point of few this is now a grey area legally. Unfortunately my solicitor will be on holiday from tomorrow and not be back till end of august.

Also it would not be the best for the children to be strait ripped out from the fosterparents.

Not a good Idea, the other downside on this is, the that children are in seperate placings as well, luckily with the same town I live in, as they don't get on aparrently, which I can't see when they at the house here with me together and my new GF.

My GF is saying the same ybout the whole situation and the HSE seem to try now and put her compleately in the picture for not increasing access.

The best thing was when they asked me for a garda clearance from her from germany. I asked them back to show me that in the Irish Law and nothing further was mentioned on that case.

Ans yes, she is german as well, but known her for good 20 yrs now, as we spent also some time to gether in a care home, when we were teen's but had only lost contact till last year, thanks to the net

The HSE wanting to meet her as well on a seperate basis, they just gonna get a good ear full from her, big

The kid's already stated that they want her to live with us as well, so all the ice between them is broken and what's more, we have made ton's of pic's together when we were out 3 weeks ago on the beach.

Also she was there with me at the last meeting with the HSE, when they were lost for word's at the end of it, cause they know exactly what they have done wrong against me and the children.

smelltheglove

K-9 wrote: »

Abuse is a very serious allegation these days, particularly against men. Personally I think if somebody makes a false allegation these days it should carry a prison sentence, it can destroy reputations and lives.

Too true K9.

OP I wish you the best of luck, fingers crossed this gets sorted. The mother does seem to get preferrential treatment here, we have sooooo many posts about fathers trying to fight for their rights and it is completely unfair. Myself and my siblings were raised mainly by our dad and he was a fantastic parent,thankfully he did not have to go through any of this.

I think recording the conversations from now on is a very good idea, of course if you do so you do legally have to inform the people before you continue with it.

Dodd

I had to go to court many times for the kids and an interim order was set in place only until the next court date if I remember right.
The court would not set an interim order in place that did not last to the next court date.It would not make sense.
I never had to deal with the HSE so that could be a different thing altogether.
I still have all the documents and I will check.

LegacyUser

Just found this on the net, it shows clearly what the mother of my children is trying to do to them and me:

http://www.keepingfamiliesconnected.org/ParentalAlienation/Levels.html

January

Sorry OP but it looks like I'm going to have to close this thread, as the case is ongoing it could be seen as contempt of court discussing it like this.