Finally ended it with him..

castrolracing

Im back.... I wrote in a post a few months ago how I had a "F**k buddy" trhat I fell in love with. To make a long story short, I thought if I gave him time he might come around to feel the same way as I did. I know he had feelings for me but just couldnt express the the way I hoped he would. He isnt out and just couldnt come to terms with having a proper gay relationship. Anyway, the last few months have been like going through hell. When I would be with him it was great but when apart I was very down and out. Since I mentioned to him about taking our relationship to a new level he seemed to go colder, wouldnt reply to texts and that kind of thing. The last week I knew I had to end it fully with him. I told him that and explained that the reason was because we bith wanted different things. He said he understood and we parted on good terms. I still think i love him though. How do I go about getting over him. Its been the most difficult few months of my life. My work and life in general is just upsidedown. I know I have made the right decision in ending it as it wasnt going where I wanted, but I feel terriuble. What can I do?.. I started writing down how I was feeling each day last week, the first day I wrote 8 pages. I thought it might help but it didnt seem to. I dont know where to turn!
Any ideas on what I can do would be very much appreciated.

Asry

aw man that's awful. I think the only thing it'll take is time. I know that's an irritating thing to hear, but it's really true. Or, as my mom says - the only way to get over one man is to get under another! Or behind. Or em. Yeah. I suppose it depends on -

Anyway.

ongarboy

I know it sounds like such a cliche but time does help heal the hurt. It may not go away completely but it stops being all consuming. It's perfectly natural to still love the ex during the initial break up phase. Have you some close friends or family nearby that you can discuss your feelings with? I recommend spending lots of time with them and doing activities to fill your free times to help you not solely focusing on the break up during this initial difficult period. Dwelling by yourself about what happened will not benefit you. Try and get out and do some exercises, take long walks, runs etc so that you have something to preoccupy your thoughts other than the break up.

I know it's not much consolation now but try and take some comfort that you had enough self respect and esteem to know this wasn't right for you and that you were brave enough to take action. Many others stay stuck in toxic or unhappy relationships because they do not have the courage or self esteem to take the necessary action to make themselves truly happy.

stargazer 68

Do not call.
Do not text.
Do delete the number from your phone.

Its hard but believe me its the only way! That goes for all relationships that end!

castrolracing

Thanks, Everything u say is true I know, but man this hurts so bad!
Im probably being silly. Everything i see seems to remind me of him. I have deleted his number, problem is i know it off by heart. Im driving and I meet a car like his, just one of the things that reminds me of him. I know Ive done the right thing, I just wish he could have felt the same for me as I do for him. I dont think I will be foolish enough to call or text him, I know Ive done the right thing. Getting over it is the problem. Ill go for a game of golf this evening, might take my mind off it for a few hours.

azezil

Go to Sitges / Ibiza for two weeks. Get completely shit faced and shag as many guys as possible. Problem (temperarily at least) solved ^_^

Beruthiel

That's certainly one way to distract yourself.

Sam Tyler

At least you realise now that he doesnt feel the same way, hard and all as is that to deal with at least you now know for definate.
You say you are in love with him then than chances are that you may not ever get over him. Sorry if that sounds like me being a drama queen! Ive been in a similar suitation i know what im talking about.
You have done the right thing by delating all contact details for this individual and try and resist contacting him if you can. The temptation is huge but you have to do it. Ths person does not deserve your time or attention and you will come to see that.
Surround yourself with people that like you and enjoy your company. If you feel happy in yourself this wont hurt as much. You need to stay strong, love is such a huge emotion and dos'nt go away quickly.

The hardest thing to deal with is the rejection, it makes you question yourself and everything that you have done. But you have to believe in yourself and i suppose importantly of all like yourself too. "Hey im not too bad you know!"
You do learn to just get on with life and it fades into the background like an old film you may have seen years ago. Im not saying that you wont ever remember the pain and hurt but it wont hurt as much.

Things happen that make us the people that we are and we bring that with us into the future. I hope by sharing my experience with you that it has helped some what.

castrolracing

Well I thought I was getting there. I went out last night with a few friends, first to the cinema then to the pub for a short while. It took my mind off him I have to say and I found it very enjoyable. Then last night I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming about him.... That was difficult, I cried a while and went back to sleep but he was the first thing that entered my head when I woke up this morning. Im useless today at work, my mind is elsewhere. I was on gaydar yesterday just chatting to a few lads, one of them wanted to meet me last night but I couldnt do it. Maybe I should have met him, I dont know. Is it too soon to start meeting other lads or should I just go for it?

stargazer 68

Don't go try meeting someone else - you aren't ready for it and it wouldnt be fair on them or you.

azezil

You were only meeting that guy for sex, you have no moral obligation to him, go ahead and meet other guys if you want to.

DubArk

I don’t think it’s a case of a moral obligation to the other guy but an emotional obligation to himself. Castrolracing appears to me to be a very emotional person, who’s not looking for a quick shag as a cure for his unrequited love but something stronger like a real relationship that will make his head spin, heart pound and fulfill his emotional needs!
Get out there and find him!

Sam Tyler

This ain't going to be fixed overnight mate, you have to give yourself time, it sounds to me like you are not into meeting random strangers for sex so dont do something you are not comfortable with. You had built up a realationship with this person, yes it was just physical for them but you formed an attachment. Moving on is so hard but you have to let go of the idea that will "come to their sences" and turn up on your doorstep declaring undying love! I know it will never happen for me and i have to accept that hard and all as it is.
Of course your mind is elsewhere thas understandable but you need a new distraction now, you mentioned golf earlier. go have a good game of that put all your energy into that!
You will move on from this trust me, but its a longterm thing.
Chin up buddy these things are sent to challange us!

Sam Tyler

Sam Tyler wrote: »

Chin up buddy these things are sent to challange us!

By the way that's not supposed to be patronising so i hope it does'nt come across that way!

castrolracing

No, its not patronising, I understand what you mean. Ive never been in love before, if this is the consequence of falling in love then im not sure I ever want it to happen to me again. I think sometimes maybe if I just went out and met random guys it would help, but realistically I dont think thats the answer. The next problem I have is that my ex, lives quiet near me. Ill be meeting him when I go out at weekends, thats going to kill me. Its bad enough without havung to see him. Im sure he had some feelings for me, he told me he had a while back, I wonder if he is missing me or is it just a one sided thing... I suppose Ill never know.