Is it time?

Lorrs33

I posted about this back in February. My cat was diagnosed with chronic renal failure and given up to a year to live. She is now prone to urinary tract infections. We give her medication to try to prolong her life but it's getting more and more difficult to get her to take them.

She's always been a fussy eater so it's no surprise when she turns up her nose at food. Now we have to watch her though when she loses her appetite, as it could be a sign that she's deteriorating. We bring her to the vet every month, her next appointment was supposed to be next Tuesday but I've moved it forward to Thursday because she has yet another urinary tract infection. She got sick in the kitchen this morning, it looked pretty bad. And she spent most of the day not eating. Now she's urinating everywhere she sits because she's in pain so I'm going to ring the vet tomorrow for an emergency appointment. I'm just so afraid that the vet will suggest we let her go.

I asked that it be my decision because I'm the one who gives her the most attention and affection. No offence to the rest of my family, but they have little patience for her. But I don't know if I can make that decision. It feels selfish and cruel. I don't believe in deciding who will die. She's only 15, and I know people will say that that's a good age for a cat but it's not to me. Maybe it's because I want her to live forever. But is it cruel and selfish keeping her alive?

Even though I want it to be my decision to let her go, I want others' opinions because I've never trusted my own judgement. How could I possibly live with myself? She's so innocent. I'm crying as I type this.

For anyone who has been through this, could you please tell me how you made such a decision and how you feel about it? Is it painful bringing them to the vet and watching them slip away in your arms? Please, no smart or cruel replies. I can't cope as it is.

Sigma Force

So sorry about your cat kidney failure is so awful for them. Some cats take longer to go downhill than others. With my cat he was only about 5 years old (his twin sister lived until she was 18) and within a week he started to develop sores in his mouth and he was so miserable it was so sad to see him like that and you can tell by their eyes if they are suffering, the eyes go dull and look so forlorn and they just look exhausted. You'll know yourself when it's time, you know your cat best. Just spend lots of extra time with her and keep her comfy that's all you can do until you feel it's time.

I couldn't face being in the room when any of my pets were pts but a good vet that you trust will make it painless for your cat, it's going to be harder on you.
15 does seem a good age but as you say it's just doesn't matter what age they are you don't want them to leave :-(

Themadhouse

I am so sorry you have to ask that... My heart goes out to you.

I think if you are asking the question I think you might know the answer to it.
It is such a hard choice to make but It isnt selfish.... At the end of the day they are our responsibilty and part of that sometimes is letting them have a dignified and peaceful passing.
I cant offer any real advice as its something you need to decide. See what your vet advises, they can tell when its time.

xx

pokertalk

so sorry to hear ryour freind is in pain and i feel for you.i think if the vet should suggest that the cat has to be put to sleep i would probably go with him/her.if the cat is in alot of pain that is only going to get worse i think the right decision is the hard one.it happened to me when my cat was 17she was knocked down and in a bad wayi never got to spend any time with her to say goodbye really before she was pts because it had to be done quickly and to much damage to operate .if you do decide to pts you can spend some time with your friend and say your goodbyes after all you dont want her to suffer. in my eyes if i were to find her dead on the floor one morning i would be wondering did she suffer as she passed but at least if the vet did she would pass away in peace. think i was 18 when it happened and i still think about her alot she loves you the most so she would probably like to pass in her best friends arms.

kylith

I'm so sorry for you, Lorrs, I can only image what you're going through. The best piece of advice I've heard is that it's better a day too early than a day too late.

DBB

Ah Lorrs, my heart goes out completely to you:(
But you know what? It might not be your decision. It might be your cat's:(

I was in a very similar situation to you a few months ago with my dog. She was terminally ill. I dreaded the day when I was going to have to make the call, dreaded her slow descent into ill-health, dreaded not making the call at the right time, dreaded blaming myself for selfishly keeping her going longer than I should.
But ever-obliging, she took the decision out of my hands completely. She suddenly went seriously downhill, and was in real pain. She had to be put to sleep within hours of her sudden descent, but I knew almost straight away that it had to be done, and knew I was doing the right thing for her.
It was very sudden.. one day she was bounding about grabbing my arm in her mouth out on her walk, the next day she was gone.

Whilst it all happened very suddenly with her, it's perhaps more normal for a sick animal to slowly become worse, having good days, and having bad days. The good days make you put it off, yet again. The bad days make you regret not having done the deed already.
So when to make the decision? Well, for me, it's a question of dignity for the animal.
If the cat is sitting in pools of pee or walking in its own poop, if she is incontinent, if she is disorientated, it's time to make the call. It's been said to me before that there'll be a look on the animal's face and you'll know... I never believed it until I went through what I've described with my lady above. The worst thing, and we all probably make this mistake once in our pet-owning lifetimes, is looking back afterwards and being sorry you didn't do it sooner, knowing you let the animal go on too long.
I won't lie to you, of course bringing the animal to the vet is heartbreaking. Knowing that this beloved creature is alive now, but won't be in a short while, is possibly impossible to fully reconcile. However, I wouldn't have it any other way than for my pet to die in my arms, being told how much she was loved.
If you have to make the call, would it be more comforting for you and your cat to have the vet call to your house to do the deed? Many owners find that this helps, as it means the animal is on its own turf and less stressed. But each to their own. Whatever works for you in your circumstances.

I wish you all the best, whatever happens. When it happens, and hopefully it won't be for a while yet, it's going to be really, really hard, but try to remember all the happiness and fond memories.
Good luck:(

dev100

I experienced having to have a pet dog put down who was treated like a younger sibling by my mother and everyone else . He got ran over by a tractor. The poor dog was in severe pain basically in bits. Got him to the vets as quickly as I could to get him put down.

The way I looked at it You have to think of the quality of life for your pet if its suffering in pain unable to eat with no hope of recovery etc.

If no one else wants to accept the painful decision Step up to the mark and ask yourself is it kinder to end an animals suffering or let them linger on in pain and for who s benefit.

pokertalk

how did you get on at the vets;)

devais

OP just reading your post brought tears to my eyes as we were in the exact same place as you last september. Our cat was 14 and had been diagnosed with terminal kidney failure, we knew it was going to happen but when it did it was very sudden. The last 2 days of her life she did'nt move from the couch and didn't pee at all so we knew it was time. It broke our hearts to lose her and we still think about her all time and will never forget her. Just remember all the happy times you had with your pet and in time you will smile when you think of her rather than shed tears

emmabrighton

You poor pet, I was so upset reading your post and all the replies. I hope you are taking care of yourself as much as you are of your cat. Noone can understand the trauma that this decision can bring.

But, I just wanted to mention that when my sisters dog was terminally ill and the time had come to make the decision to be PTS she asked the vet to come out to her home to do it.

This helped a lot for both of them as he had alway been terrified of the vet practice. Also, my sister felt that she didnt want to make him anxious at all and by having the deed done in the home she could make him as comfortable as possible up to the moment. Finally, after the vet had left my sister was able to be alone with her dog and buried him in her back garden. Not having to face that horrific journey to the vet and home again was definately worth the extra money spent.

When the time comes, maybe you could consider something like this?

tk123

OP you're so lucky to have had her that long - my cat was 6 when he was diagnosed with it. He was withdrawn, off his food and getting sick - no weeing accidents - it hadn't gotten to that stage. TBH once he made no improvement after having fluids and medication in the vets for days we knew it was time. We took him home on Saturday and by Sunday afternoon I knew I'd have to call the next day and bring him to be pts. I looked at it that it was my decision to make for him - I didn't think it would be fair to prolong his suffering as there was no chance of him getting better or us being able to manage it at all. He had given me years of companionship and he needed me to be strong and make this decision for him.

Lorrs33

Thank you so much for all the replies, it's good to know I have support because I barely know anyone who has been through the same situation or even considers a pet's death to be a big deal.

I brought her to the vet yesterday. We had found blood in her urine earlier on and I immediately told the vet, who confirmed she had another urinary tract infection. I didn't mention euthanasia but she did ask me what I thought. I admitted I was unsure which way I was being cruel to her, keeping her alive or letting her go too soon. Unfortunately she can't give me an exact estimate of how long she has left. But she did check her files and noted that my cat hadn't had a urinary tract infection since March, which was a positive sign. So she suggested we wait and see how long it'll take for her to contract another one, as cruel as it sounds. She gave her an injection, more of her usual tablets and a week's supply of antibiotics. I'm bringing her back next week for a check up.

Now my cat's fine. She's sleeping as I type. Her appetite is fine, she's taking her tablets and apparently gorged some chicken my mam gave her this morning. Maybe I'm in denial right now, relying on the fact that it'll be months before she gets another urinary tract infection. I mean I won't have to PTS unless she gets them frequently. As long as she's not in pain at the moment, I can hold on to her.

Shazanne

Lorrs, I can honestly say that I have been exactly where you are right now and I felt exactly the same emotions. In fact, I couldn't reply to you immediately as it is still very painful for me and my boy has been gone two and a half years now. He also had renal failure and was aged 15.5 years and I loved him with all my heart - I still do.
I did everything I possibly could to help him. I even administered intravenous fluids (a drip) every day, I hand fed him and I eventually syringe fed him. I just could not face the fact that he was so ill. In fact, I did not even see him in the same way as others did - it was like I had a mental block on it.
Eventually he got so bad that I made an emergency visit to my vet and he had to tell me that Mog could no longer go on. I screamed the place down. But that evening he was put to sleep and I felt I would die with grief. My vet was wonderful. He even brought me and my daughter back that night to the surgery where he had Mog laid out in a basket for us. I had him cremated and his ashed are in my kitchen with me.
It was only later when I looked back as photos and recordings of him that I realised how bad he actually was - I truly did not see it at the time. Then I went through the agony of guilt about whether I caused him to suffer more than he had to.
My advice to you is to listen to your vet. When he/she says the time has come they know what they are talking about. My vet had gently tried with me on a couple of occasions but I blanked it out. Enjoy your cat while you can and while he is well enough but listen to the professional advice.
My thoughts are with you and I know how it feels:(

Lorrs33

My cat is due back to the vet today for her week's check-up but I'm a bit worried because she urinated on the couch yesterday, which was the only incident. Other than that, she's been as good as gold. I won't be able to bring her because I'm in work so my parents are bringing her. Pray for good news. Here's a picture of her I took a couple of years ago.

Duchess in a bag.JPG

koneko

She's gorgeous.

It's a horrible horrible situation but one that a lot of pet owners will find themselves in at one stage or another. When things get bad, we still want to hold on to them, but it's more for us than them, sometimes the kinder thing is to let go, as hard as it is

It's hard to say anything that doesn't sound like a cliche, you know?
We never like to face up to it. My dogs are all relatively young still (all under 5 right now) and have no health problems, but I'm absolutely dreading the day I'm in this position again and have to make that call.
We tend to want to hang on longer than we should and it causes them more hurt, but it's so hard to have to say goodbye and make that choice.

I hope her condition is improving anyway, vets will often in my experience give their honest opinion if asked for it. Best of luck.

Shazanne

Lorrs - that picture is gorgeous! I have an almost indentical one of Mog! I call it my "bag of cats"! I hope my post above did not cause you any worry or upset - I certainly did not intend to do that. But it's just that I know all the feelings you have right now. I hope all went went at the vets:)

Lorrs33

Please no one worry that you've upset me, I'm glad you've told me the honest truth in the most caring way possible. She's been given another course of antibiotics and due back next week. The vet said if she continues to urinate in places other than her litter tray (and outside of course) then we'll have to consider euthanasia. Hopefully it was just an isolated incident.

PS. Yes, she is gorgeous

Lorrs33

Five months later, Duchess is still with us. My mam brought her to the vet today and it turns out she is becoming short sighted and she has high blood pressure, which means more medication. I've re-read all the posts here and yet I can't see in her that she's ready to move on. She stills claws at us for food and mews her head off in the morning, making sure we're up to feed her. On the outside she's fine but on the inside it's like her body is shutting down. I'm afraid to speak to my mam about it (she informed me of the prognosis by text). We're all going up to Donegal in May for my brother's wedding and Duchess is supposed to come with us. I just can't make the choice.

angry kitten

It is one of the most soul destroying decisions to have to make. Unfortunately it's one we all have to make for our beloved pets. I would agree that you should be guided by your vet. Sometimes it can be hard to see the wood for the trees. I know that the last thing you want is to see pain in those eyes and realise you waited to long.

realrebel

i had to get my dog put to sleep 4 weeks ago he was 16 years of age and i swear to god it nearly killed me to make that decision
i was putting it off for months i just couldnt do it but i had to in the end because i couldnt see him suffer any more
it is heartbreaking i can tell you and i wish it on nobody but it will come to most people at some stage with their pets
i just remember all the good times i had with him and thank him for been a great friend to me
if you have to make that decision then try not to get too upset as they wont be in pain any longer it is still hard for me coming home thinking he is still in the house