Writing to Birth Mother

mectavba

Hi folks,

I posted on here a couple of months ago looking for advice on tracing my birth mother and want to thank people for their advice.

I managed to get my birth mother's birth cert and marriage cert and discovered that she moved to England many years ago. I traced her address to a town in England as recent as 2007, but have a potential different address in the same town (same unusual surname, same initial of husband's christian name, small enough place). Of course, I cant be sure, which one is correct, but I am 99% it is one of them.

Having digested the information that I found (a lot easier and quicker than I thought would be possible) I have decided I would like to write to my Birth mother. I am thinking of sending a letter by registered post to both addresses and whichever one she does not live in will come back. Anyone think this is a bad idea?

What I am really looking for is some advice of what to put in the letter? I have seen the ones where it is suggested you say you are such and such from 19**, but I'm not sure if that is really for me. While I dont want to spill out my life story in the first letter, I would prefer it to be a bit more personable. Any advice/experience?

Thanks

kathy finn

hi, first of all make sure ur 100% sure ur contacting the right person. i would send the letter by registered post saying that a person they knew in your year of birth is looking to make contact and sign it by your birth name and give ur phonenumber or email, i would not mention the adoption just incase somebody other than ur birthmother opens it. good luck kathy

The_Conductor

Rather than writing a letter- a nice card might be a better bet.

Inside the card- something along the lines of

Dear (insert your birthmum's married name here),

I have been searching for an old friend from back in (month of birth, year of birth, town of birth). Her name at that time was (insert your birthmums maiden name), and I believe her date of birth was (insert date of birth). I was known by (insert your birthname) at the time and have been searching for some time, and I hope you may know this person. I have thought of her often down the years, and would love to renew acquaintance with her.

If you know this person, I would be grateful if you could pass on my contact details to her please.

Sincerely,

(Your current name and address- depending on how old she is- possibly an e-mail address)

You are trying to make it very obvious to her who you are, but in a manner that doesn't put pressure on her- and if its opened by someone other than the intended recipient, its likely they'll have no idea what the card is or what it means.

Get a nice card- but neutral, no teddy bears, baby things or sentiments about mothers on it.

Best wishes,

Shane

alisuz

Hi , I am curious if this person ever sent the card/letter?

I traced my birth mum a few years back and now enjoy a relationship with her. It would b great to see if The same happened here.

mectavba

Hi folks,

I eventually did end up writing to my birth mother. I took your advice and sent a card with a message about someone from around the time of my birth wanting to get in touch. I signed off with my birth name and adopted name in brackets. I'm half regretting not personalising it a bit more and giving some more information.

I sent this by registered post just over 3 weeks ago. I havent heard anything back, although I wouldnt really have expected to so soon. It will obviously come as quite a shock to her.

I am just wondering how long others have waited to hear back. How long do I leave it before I start thinking she may never want to make contact? Or is that a how long is a piece of string question?

kathy finn

hi, i would give it till christmas then send another card, saying the same thing , just this time ask her if she is the person u ar looking for could she contact u no strings attached. hope this helps...kathy

mectavba

Thanks Kathy,

I was thinking of something along the lines of your suggestion.

The only thing is, I am heading away in January, I wont be at the address I have given (my family will be though).

I suppose I could create an email to which she could respond to...