What to do? stay or go?

Hanahuna

Hi, Myself and my partner have been together 3 years recently we have a daughter that's two years old. He is 22 and I am 24 we met one night and met for a month before making it official. He was a virgin and I wasn't. We were meeting but not official he went on a lads holiday and kissed 5 girls.. then when he came home we became official and he went on another holiday for a weekend with his friends to meet up with girls they met on holidays although these girls where not any he kissed he went for the craic. I then seen pictures on his friends Facebook site of him with his arms around a girl who he says nothing happened and then couldn't remember anyway as he was too drunk.. I believed nothing happened as he was a shy type.

All this time he was texting a friend a girl from college the year before. nearly every second day they were texting. I got upset and asked was there more to this as the texting didn't stop. He said no they where just friends.


A while passed and we went on a weekend away together with his brother and friends. I was left alone in the nightclub while he turned his back to me with his friend and looked at a group of girls, while discussing what they were like. I got very upset by this, we went home the following day a 5 hour drive home and the texting to this girl from college continued for the whole 5 hours. I asked him again whats the story with her, again I was told a "friend" this i didnt believe. I became pregnant which wasn't planned and broke up for two weeks as i was very confused and upset. He spent that two weeks out every night as he was back at college and out with that girl he was texting. We got back together and wanting to try for sake of baby. I really liked him but hated his lack of respect. He admitted while we broke up he tried to kiss a girl from his old school but she walked away.I got upset but glad he told the truth. The texting continued for the next year and a half. When he traveled to me from college to go to ante natal classes she would text asking him to come out that night in college to which he drove back to and went out... As the pregnancy went on I got peed off and asked him to quit texting her as it was upsetting me.. Oh by the way her texts always had kisses at the end.

I asked him straight out before baby was due what the story was with her he said he liked her but wouldn't do anything about it and he liked the flirting that happened between them. They eventually stopped texting as I wanted to know what was her feelings so I asked her to which she said he is like my brother and then she texted him telling him she did not feel the same. So now Im over her and he promised to cop on... He was doing well until we where just after two years together and his granny was dying we went to hospital and when I was sitting in the room with her he went out to ring his father with updates. He admitted to looking at a nurses behind. He admitted this about a week later. I again was happy he was honest. He said to me he was happy been honest with me and really wanted us to work... There has been minor things he changed his number to prove he was faithful this was his own idea not mine and now he is so scared to hurt me that even if he sees a girls boobs on telly he tells me if I asked him anything he would always tell me the truth. We are getting on great this last year not fighting and completely honest we are living together and we both gave up the hole party lifestyle for a family and dinner dates kinda life we both cant see the point in nightclubs etc. We both grew up alot. We discussed marriage to which I got a response I want to marry u but whats the rush... I got upset by this.. Then I asked about a girl he told me liked before in secondary school and he told me that she was better looking than me... I dunno am I over reacting but I cant get over this.. Its not that He said that but that I don't feel like number one in his eyes. I feel like im doing because he isnt with her he tells me he loves me and he didnt mean it like that but I am still hurt by it.. I asked him to promise never to ask me to marry him as I cant marry a guy who thinks Im second best.....I seen my mom and dad divorce and said I wud never marry unless 100% happy....But when I see another friend get engaged or married I get more upset that That will never be me... Should I cop on he changed and he is honest now so marry him down the road or stick to my guns if im second best.. He would never go near this girl now as she has a reputation now and a kid and his parents would kill him for been involved with her as her family are slightly roughly. We both dont drink or smoke and are both quiet I just dunno if this change of his will last????

Im very confused he is a great guy now and has always been a great dad but im still afraid he will do again what he done in the past. What are your thoughts on this anyone?

Please help (",)

Bipolar Joe

First off, you can't stop anyone from finding other people attractive. God knows I wish I was the sexiest man on Earth so all the ladies would stare at me because that would be awesome. But they don't. The result is yeah, once in a while a chick I'm dating will scope another bloke. Is she running off with him? Generally no, bar one relationship. He wasn't your first, so I'm assuming you liked dudes before you met him. Buck up. If he's the shy type, flirting builds the ego and helps with confidence. Once it steps over that mark, then there's trouble. He's young and terribly immature, but you are, too.

You can not say, in all honesty, that you never look at another guy and think "Woah, he is hot."

Hanahuna

Yes I agree I dont mind if he thinks someone is good looking and yes I do think peope are good looking... Its not just looks he like about this girl its everything he would be with her if the family approved and if she were single just upsets me that im the girl that will do because she isnt available....

Bipolar Joe

You gotta ask yrself some hard to answer questions. Could you potentially see yourself with this dude forever? You have a kid, that complicates **** to no end. Believe me, staying together for the sake of a kid is not a good idea, it breeds resentment and that can turn into hatred, which is not the environment for a child. Second, what happens if this doesn't work out? What's your contingency?

Ask him yourself what it is he wants, tell him to be blunt as ****. It'll hurt if it's not what you want to hear, but it's gotta be asked, y'know?

Hanahuna

I did ask him out straight what he wanted he said to settle down etc but not right now, my confidence is gone and im reading this as i dont love you... I do wanna stay with him but Its not ideal trying to be with someone who ideally wants her but cant have her... Maybe I should cop on and realise he has tried to change and did change but how to get my brain to stop thinking about her and jealous over her etc.....

Bipolar Joe

Pro tip, you don't. If you can figure out how to get over it, let me know, yeah? As it is, you just live with it. He didn't bone her, right? Or did I miss that? Don't expect sunshine and lollipops, and prepare for it to head South, but don't expect it to. If it happens, it happens, there's not a whole lot you can do as you can't control another person to such an extent.

I'm pretty sure it was Ray Mears who said you can't always get what you want. Then he drank his own pee. Any who, when **** doesn't go to plan, particularly when the plan seems to be whoops we have a kid and then panicking, expect to taste bitterness, do what you can and march the Hell on. If he wants to give it a shot then take him at that . You never know, maybe he's just a bit dim when it comes to the whole relation****s thing.

Hanahuna

Yeah maybe im been very hard on him, he did apologies for saying it and apologised for everything else at start of relationship so i guess i should stop been a B****H
Thanks

Bipolar Joe

Well, you're hardly being a bitch. You didn't freak out, you just got blue, which is totes normal. If you didn't get all sad then that'd mean there is no hope because you refrain from giving any amount of ****s. Chin up, toots, but as soon as he flings his penis into someone else with out prior warning it's game over.

Hanahuna

Oh i agree i would defo walk if he cheated even kissed a girl I would walk