Are you a 'nice guy' or a 'bad guy' ?

willmunny1990

nice guy for what its worth in todays world

Mascatodreams

The other shoe :
(IMO-plz don't take offense
Take a room full of guys...and room 3 women...#1-the "sweet" girl,she's gentle,sweet,very sensitive,content to spend the night sitting at home talking with you...the"I'll clean your mess for you" #2-the "bad" girl, she's cocky,exteremely flirty,,demanding,she would rather go clubbing than sit at home "bored"...the "you better clean your mess" #3- just a "regular" girl,she's alittle bit of both,she nice,good personality,easy going,...the "here,let me help clean that mess"

Is #2 better than #1..or #3..me personally,I think that they're equal...it depends on how old the guys in room are and what they're looking for .

I think that's what dating is all about, learning what you want in your mate...I probably didn't get my point across...so I'll say I like what Maple said!

Raze_them_all

Mascatodreams wrote: »

The other shoe :
(IMO-plz don't take offense
Take a room full of guys...and room 3 women...#1-the "sweet" girl,she's gentle,sweet,very sensitive,content to spend the night sitting at home talking with you...the"I'll clean your mess for you" #2-the "bad" girl, she's cocky,exteremely flirty,,demanding,she would rather go clubbing than sit at home "bored"...the "you better clean your mess" #3- just a "regular" girl,she's alittle bit of both,she nice,good personality,easy going,...the "here,let me help clean that mess"

Is #2 better than #1..or #3..me personally,I think that they're equal...it depends on how old the guys in room are and what they're looking for .

I think that's what dating is all about, learning what you want in your mate...I probably didn't get my point across...so I'll say I like what Maple said!

Which ones the hottest? thats who I'd go for

ToniTuddle

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Which ones the hottest? thats who I'd go for

Tut tut. Have you never seen A Beautiful Mind?
Never go for the hot girl everyone will be hitting on her. Everyone should ignore her and all go for her mates instead, higher chance of action :pac:

amacachi

Used to think I was a "nice guy", was really just letting myself be used like a dootmat. While since I had any interest in anything female so dunno what I am now. :pac:

Raze_them_all

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Tut tut. Have you never seen A Beautiful Mind?
Never go for the hot girl everyone will be hitting on her. Everyone should ignore her and all go for her mates instead, higher chance of action :pac:

Pffft I'll take the hottie or nothing!

1saddude

Neither good or bad, I'm just a guy.

1saddude

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Pffft I'll take the hottie or nothing!

If you ignore the hottie and talk to her ugly friend instead it messes with the hot one's head. It makes it easier to eventually get the hot one.

Logical Fallacy

1saddude wrote: »

If you ignore the hottie and talk to her ugly friend instead it messes with the hot one's head. It makes it easier to eventually get the hot one.

Yeah, but when you are good looking, interesting and intelligent you can just go straight for the hot one.

Life is awesome.

darklighter

Oh_Noes wrote: »

I find problems with the distinction too as I selected bad guy in the poll before properly reading the thread. I tend to get on the wrong side of people a lot and get in trouble with the police, don't eat healthily or go to the gym, I'm very rarely politically correct and I hop between jobs. Not mammy material at all but I always have treated women well and never been tagged as a person that treats people poorly in relationships.

I don't think you have to be "the fonze" or Daniel O'Donell, there's definitely a bit of no man's land in between and extremities on both sides.

I think the actual question you're asking is "how well do you treat women?"

Personally, how you treat a woman is how I would interpret the question.

As a guy with a younger sister and a good number of female friends, that is how they all describe "good" or "bad" guys.

A "bad" guy mistreats women, be it physically or mentally etc.

A "good" guy doesn't, that doesn't mean he's a doormat or can't attract women.

Maguined wrote: »

I used to be a "nice guy" in that I was shy, insecure, had low self confidence and extremely poor social skills especially talking to girls. Now I have found my confidence and so have no problem talking to people, even those scary girls! Though plenty of people view my confidence as arrogance so there are some people that do not like me and might label me as a "bad boy" though I do not consider myself one.

I have a friend who most women will admit is attractive, he himself has no problem chatting girls up and exudes confidence. Yet when he gets into a relationship, he becomes "whipped" for want of a better term. Girls would refer to him as a "nice guy"

I would be the complete opposite to him in the looks and confidence department and yet am also called a "nice guy".

As i see it, confidence doesnt have anything to with whether you're a good or bad boy.

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I, too, find the stereotype that all 'nice guys' are hopeless losers with women a little strange. Presumably this comes from when women would tell a guy 'sorry I can't go out with you/you are dumped because you are too nice', although what they really mean is 'sorry I can't go out with you/you are dumped because you are unattractive to me'. I'd risk a guess that the lack of attraction was due to many more factors than just 'niceness', but 'nice' is just an easy way out of having to explain all that.

Being a nice guy (and ideally I would like put myself firmly into that category) does not mean you have to be a doormat, act needy, tolerate people acting unreasonably, be easily led, not show initiative, and so on. It certainly does not mean that you aren't allowed to flirt (admittedly, I was always useless at this, always rubbish at talking to people) or employ any other techniques for attracting women, or that you should profess your undying love with a bunch of flowers on day one (although that one is a social construct - in many other countries that would get you the girl, but in the West this sort of thing is associated with neediness).

^^^QFT

darklighter

1saddude wrote: »

If you ignore the hottie and talk to her ugly friend instead it messes with the hot one's head. It makes it easier to eventually get the hot one.

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

Yeah, but when you are good looking, interesting and intelligent you can just go straight for the hot one.

Life is awesome.

But if your not all that good looking, this advice actually seems to work

Wish i'd figured that out years ago

py2006

darklighter wrote: »

A "bad" guy mistreats women, be it physically or mentally etc.

A "good" guy doesn't, that doesn't mean he's a doormat or can't attract women.

I have to agree with this!

sunflower27

Bad boys are a dime a dozen. In my experience the younger ones are the worst. It's all bravado.

Men in their 30s/40s for the most part have grown out of the 'I have to treat her mean to keep her keen' carry-on.

Just my experience. There is a lot to be said for a guy that is respectful and thoughtful. A lot

If a girl doesn't appreciate respectful and decent qualities, don't take it personally, she's just immature. She'll be pining for those qualities in her 30s when most of the decent guys have been snapped up by the smarter girls

Snowie

sunflower27 wrote: »

Bad boys are a dime a dozen. In my experience the younger ones are the worst. It's all bravado.

Men in their 30s/40s for the most part have grown out of the 'I have to treat her mean to keep her keen' carry-on.

Just my experience. There is a lot to be said for a guy that is respectful and thoughtful. A lot

If a girl doesn't appreciate respectful and decent qualities, don't take it personally, she's just immature. She'll be pining for those qualities in her 30s when most of the decent guys have been snapped up by the smarter girls

flaterey and charm will get you no were:pac:

sunflower27

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

flaterey and charm will get you no were:pac:

I was being honest! It's true.... took me long enough to work it out as well

Snowie

sunflower27 wrote: »

I was being honest! It's true.... took me long enough to work it out as well

I know, amount of women I know who were all night party goers who went out with the bad boy for years then turn around and say ye new guy Im seeing is totally different hes a man apposed a post pubessent man childs..

tho good to hear you have your prioritys in order... :cool:

Scanlas The 2nd

sunflower27 wrote: »

Bad boys are a dime a dozen. In my experience the younger ones are the worst. It's all bravado.

Men in their 30s/40s for the most part have grown out of the 'I have to treat her mean to keep her keen' carry-on.

Just my experience. There is a lot to be said for a guy that is respectful and thoughtful. A lot

If a girl doesn't appreciate respectful and decent qualities, don't take it personally, she's just immature. She'll be pining for those qualities in her 30s when most of the decent guys have been snapped up by the smarter girls

A fair bit of magical thinking above. In terms of your ability to seduce women being thoughtful and respectful alone doesn't have much value to women. Anyone can be thoughful and respectful, kind etc...if that worked all men would be doing it, but how can all men get the few most desired women. I think your massaging your ego by saying women who "don't appreciate these qualities are immature". Most people appreciate these qualities or miss them when they are gone but if by appreciate you mean drop her knickers for you or enter a sexual relationship you won't find many women in demand who "appreciate" being thoughtful and respectful.

sunflower27

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

A fair bit of magical thinking above. In terms of your ability to seduce women being thoughtful and respectful alone doesn't have much value to women. Anyone can be thoughful and respectful, kind etc...if that worked all men would be doing it, but how can all men get the few most desired women. I think your massaging your ego by saying women who "don't appreciate these qualities are immature". Most people appreciate these qualities or miss them when they are gone but if by appreciate you mean drop her knickers for you or enter a sexual relationship you won't find many women in demand who "appreciate" being thoughtful and respectful.

I'm female, not male, and I am not saying all a guy has to be is thoughtful and respectful. i simply pointed out two traits that most 'good guys' possess.

I didn't realise there was only a few, most desired women that men went for.

And I stand by what i said, I'm in my 30s now and have seen plenty of examples of women in their 30s that dismissed decent men in their 20s for bad boys and now look back and regret it.

Scanlas The 2nd

sunflower27 wrote: »

I'm female, not male, and I am not saying all a guy has to be is thoughtful and respectful. i simply pointed out two traits that most 'good guys' possess.

I didn't realise there was only a few, most desired women that men went for.

And I stand by what i said, I'm in my 30s now and have seen plenty of examples of women in their 30s that dismissed decent men in their 20s for bad boys and now look back and regret it.

I'm sure there are many women stuck in marriages who regret marrying the nice guy too. Women imo just aren't attracted too "nice guys" for the most part and they can't help what they feel.

Most men wouldn't be with the women they are with now if they could choose whoever they wanted.

sunflower27

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'm sure there are many women stuck in marriages who regret marrying the nice guy too. Women imo just aren't attracted too "nice guys" for the most part and they can't help what they feel.

I don't know about that. I have plenty of friends that are married to nice guys that were nice in their 20s and great as well in their 30s.

Of course everyone is different. We are who we are and no point acting like a bad guy if it isn't who you are. I certainly wouldn't act differently to the way I normally am to get a partner - I mean, how long could (or would I want) to sustain a totally different persona.

guitarzero

I dont think its black and white with 'bad and good', but I could understand why women would go for someone who is overtly confident bordering cocky, a bit rude/insulting, flirtatious, etc. These lads show a strong sense of determination which isnt subject to anyone else. They dont care what other people think and this shows a lot of power and a high sense of self worth. Theres an element of drama that comes with these fellas and many women perhaps seek drama and excitement, whats the demographic of people who watch soaps? Again, this is just based on an idea of a bad guy. Just like a good guy, its only our own idea of what that is. I know mostly good guys and most of my friends, by a landslide are single.

From what I've seen, generally, its the lad who laughs loudest and who's FUN seems to get the woman in this country.

Scanlas The 2nd

sunflower27 wrote: »

I don't know about that. I have plenty of friends that are married to nice guys that were nice in their 20s and great as well in their 30s.

Of course everyone is different. We are who we are and no point acting like a bad guy if it isn't who you are. I certainly wouldn't act differently to the way I normally am to get a partner - I mean, how long could (or would I want) to sustain a totally different persona.

How many men in relationships have to pester their girlfriends/wives for sex? IMO when a woman is truly attracted to a man he won't have to continually pester her for sex, she'll be more than willing.

Galvasean

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

How many men in relationships have to pester their girlfriends/wives for sex? IMO when a woman is truly attracted to a man he won't have to continually pester her for sex, she'll be more than willing.

Who said anything about sex? Or if it's only 'nice' guys that have to pester for sex?

Scanlas The 2nd

Galvasean wrote: »

Who said anything about sex? Or if it's only 'nice' guys that have to pester for sex?

I'm pointing out that I think there are a huge amount of relationships that don't work and aren't great as a result of women settling for characteristics such as loyal, thoughtfulness, kindness etc. without the sexual spark. I also do think "nice guys" would have to pester for sex more. The point was made that many women in their 30's regret not getting with the "nice guy". I also think many women who choose the "nice guy" regret it when they are stuck with him after having kids and getting the mortgage.

py2006

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'm pointing out that I think there are a huge amount of relationships that don't work and aren't great as a result of women settling for characteristics such as loyal, thoughtfulness, kindness etc. without the sexual spark. I also do think "nice guys" would have to pester for sex more. The point was made that many women in their 30's regret not getting with the "nice guy". I also think many women who choose the "nice guy" regret it when they are stuck with him after having kids and getting the mortgage.

What on earth?

Galvasean

I wait with bated breath to see some kind of research done into the correlation between a man's kindness and how much time he spends pestering women for sex...

Scanlas The 2nd

Galvasean wrote: »

I wait with bated breath to see some kind of research done into the correlation between a man's kindness and how much time he spends pestering women for sex...

I'm not claiming there's a correlation with kindness, just that there is a correlation with men who are frequently referred to as a nice guy and how often they have to pester their OH for sex as a result of her not really being turned on by him. This is just my opinion, I don't have studies to show you.

sunflower27

Galvasean wrote: »

Who said anything about sex? Or if it's only 'nice' guys that have to pester for sex?

Exactly? I don't get why sex came in to it there at all? I'm lost here, totally

Otis Driftwood

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'm not claiming there's a correlation with kindness, just that there is a correlation with men who are frequently referred to as a nice guy and how often they have to pester their OH for sex as a result of her not really being turned on by him. This is just my opinion, I don't have studies to show you.

What are you talking about,seriously?You're last few posts are bizarre to say the least and Im struggling to believe that you arent trolling.

Scanlas The 2nd

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

What are you talking about,seriously?You're last few posts are bizarre to say the least and Im struggling to believe that you arent trolling.

I'm fairly certain there are many women out there who regret marrying the "nice guy". I assume it's my opinion on "nice guys" pestering their OH for sex more that you suspect I'm trolling as it's an unusual opinion to have. That's what I think, I'll leave the thread if you think I'm trolling.

Galvasean

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I'm not claiming there's a correlation with kindness, just that there is a correlation with men who are frequently referred to as a nice guy and how often they have to pester their OH for sex as a result of her not really being turned on by him. This is just my opinion, I don't have studies to show you.

Again though, you really haven't done anything to convince me of the point that 'nice' men have to pester their OH for sex more than 'bad boys'. To me it sounds like you are soap boxing based on a sweeping generalization.

Galvasean

FYI blonde guys have to pester their OH for sex for than dark haired and ginger guys. Why? because I said so.

FetchTheGin

Galvasean wrote: »

FYI blonde guys have to pester their OH for sex for than dark haired and ginger guys. Why? because I said so.

Phew!

darklighter

Galvasean wrote: »

FYI blonde guys have to pester their OH for sex for than dark haired and ginger guys. Why? because I said so.

What about guys with no hair???? :rolleyes::rolleyes:

py2006

Isn't it usually the 'bad guys' that pester for sex off women?

Scanlas The 2nd

Galvasean wrote: »

Again though, you really haven't done anything to convince me of the point that 'nice' men have to pester their OH for sex more than 'bad boys'. To me it sounds like you are soap boxing based on a sweeping generalization.

I don't think it's bizaare to say that "nice guys" tend to be sexually unappealing to women. I think as a result of this when in a relationship their OH tends to be less willing to have have sex with them so they end up having to pester their OH for sex.

Galvasean

darklighter wrote: »

What about guys with no hair???? :rolleyes::rolleyes:

Actually I read study that women find baldness more attractive than a full head of hair on a man. So I guess you guys win.

Galvasean

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I don't think it's bizaare to say that "nice guys" tend to be sexually unappealing to women. I think as a result of this when in a relationship their OH tends to be less willing to have have sex with them so they end up having to pester their OH for sex.

Would any women like to make comment on this? I mean is a man being nice a huge turnoff? (doubt it)

sunflower27

There seems to be this underlying premise that good guys are unattractive and sexually unappealing. That is totally ridiculous. I have met many men in my travels that are both attractive and really decent guys.

As for pestering for sex, I don't get the idea that nice guys pester more at all. In my experience they all pester at times, good guy or not ;)

darklighter

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I don't think it's bizaare to say that "nice guys" tend to be sexually unappealing to women. I think as a result of this when in a relationship their OH tends to be less willing to have have sex with them so they end up having to pester their OH for sex.

Definitely think its bizarre you think this.

This may be a far fetched example but as far as I know, George Clooney has done nothing to women to be classed as anything other than a "nice guy" and nearly every woman I know finds him extremely sexually appealing. Wayne Rooney on the other hand has treated his missus like cr*p and is definitely not a "nice guy" and I dont know any women who find him sexually appealing.

But its probably best to let some of the female boardsies agree or disagree with your POV

darklighter

sunflower27 wrote: »

There seems to be this underlying premise that good guys are unattractive and sexually unappealing. That is totally ridiculous. I have met many men in my travels that are both attractive and really decent guys.

As for pestering for sex, I don't get the idea that nice guys pester more at all. In my experience they all pester at times, good guy or not ;)

Hinting isnt pestering

Malari

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

I don't think it's bizaare to say that "nice guys" tend to be sexually unappealing to women. I think as a result of this when in a relationship their OH tends to be less willing to have have sex with them so they end up having to pester their OH for sex.

But why would they be in a relationship with someone they find sexually unappealing?

sunflower27

darklighter wrote: »

Hinting isnt pestering

Yeah, yeah, OK, hinting.... I meant HINTING!!!!

darklighter

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yeah, yeah, OK, hinting.... I meant HINTING!!!!

Phew....otherwise i'd definitely not be getting any action

FetchTheGin

Malari wrote: »

But why would they be in a relationship with someone they find sexually unappealing?

Maybe they have lots of money...

Snowie

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yeah, yeah, OK, hinting.... I meant HINTING!!!!

Hint oooo come on sex ed 101 clearly stipulate women love sensual touching I prefer to just turn the oven on much easier


As for nice guy bad guy I am who I am.... Tho I'm not a hipster so I'm ok

Scanlas The 2nd

Galvasean wrote: »

Would any women like to make comment on this? I mean is a man being nice a huge turnoff? (doubt it)

I'm in no way saying men who are good or nice are a huge turn off. All I'm saying is men who are frequently referred to as a nice guy are a turn off.

g'em

Galvasean wrote: »

Would any women like to make comment on this? I mean is a man being nice a huge turnoff? (doubt it)

No, of course it's not a huge turnoff. But again it comes down to the definition of 'nice'. A pushover is not a turn on. A man who will treat you with respect, dignity and compassion? I'd hazard a guess that any woman who didn't find that a turn on (fanciableness and chemistry and whatnot assumed) is a bit... unstable.

tbh it really doesn't matter if you are male or female, there's an integral and fundamental risk/ reward thing at play where nice "people" are concerned. 'Bad boys' will come across as being that bit more elusive, that bit more of a challenge, we're programmed to recognise that when something involves a little bit of effort to attain then it will appear more rewarding than something that's handed to us. That doesn't make it right or wrong, it just means that's part of an instinctual reaction - i.e. the guys who chase the girls and the girls who go after bad boys because they represent a little bit of danger and someone they will most likely subconsciously try to change. That's why you'll often see this behaviour attributed to some younger people. You go through it, you get your heart broken a few gazillion times, then your head catches up with your heart and (eventually) your loins and you start to reassess your rather innapropriate decision making abilities.

FetchTheGin

I think it is instinctive.

Just like some men are more inclined to go for women with amazing figures ie bigger boobs etc. which I admit seems to be more frowned upon.

py2006

FetchTheGin wrote: »

I think it is instinctive.

Just like some men are more inclined to go for women with amazing figures ie bigger boobs etc. which I admit seems to be more frowned upon.

In fairness the majority of men don't base their reasoning for getting married based on the size of the girlfriends boobs.

It may be what initially catches their eye. But if she is a stuck-up weapon, big boobs won't save her!