Have you ever shat yourself in public?

HornyDevil

Used to know a bird who couldn't use a toilet properly, so would just crap anywhere.

Ghandee

In a pub in Bundoran many years ago.

An old bloke at the bar (you know the type, cap, grey stubble, glasses etc) with a strong poohy aroma wafting from him.

A few of the patrons made a few remarks about the stink, when finally the barman twigged, walked over and shouted, Ah for fücks sake Barney, did you shiite yourself? Aye was Barneys answer!
the barman then (as politely as possible) asked him to go home and change! Barneys replied by saying 'howl on would ye, I haven't finished yet!'

We drunk in a different pub the next night we went out!

stovelid

vampire of kilmainham wrote: »

what a sh1t thread have you nothing better to do but sit and think of such crap it stinks

Let's faeces it, you're guano get a lot of those puns on this thread.

HornyDevil

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep. I feel ill. :mad:

For the uninitiated:
best bits at the bottom (no pun intended)


Each sachet of this medicine contains macrogol (polyethlene glycol '3350'), which is a type of medicine known as an osmotic laxative.

Before taking the Klean Prep & Senna

Please read the back of the Klean Prep packet and contact the screening nurses on the telephone number on the back of this leaflet if you answer yes to any of the following questions and they were not discussed at your pre-assessment appointment:

• Are you allergic to any of the ingredients listed on the packet?
• Are you taking Warfarin or Clopidogrel tablets?
• Are you a diabetic on insulin or tablets?
• Do you suffer from any kidney disease?
• Do you suffer from Phenylketonuria?

When do I start to prepare for my colonoscopy?

7 days before your appointment
• Stop taking Iron tablets - Iron makes everything inside your bowel black, making it difficult for the Doctor examining your bowel to see everything.
4 days before your appointment
• Stop taking any medications that may cause you to be come constipated for example Lomotil, Loperamide, or Codeine Phosphate. Continue to take all other usual medications.
2 days before your appointment
• Stop taking Fybogel or any other fibre products
1 day before your appointment
You are advised not to go to work on this day. You should expect frequent bowel actions starting within 3 hours of starting your bowel preparation. Some abdominal cramping is normal, stay within easy reach of the toilet.
• At 8 am take all 6 Senna tablets with plenty water.
• Between 8-10am have your breakfast. (this will be your last meal, no more solid food until after your examination)
• You may drink black tea, black coffee & soft drinks throughout the day. You can add sugar if you like but No milk in any form. No alcohol.
• If you take any other oral medication please make sure you take it at least 1 ½ -2 hours before starting your Klean Prep otherwise it may be flushed out of your system before it has had a chance to work.
• At 12 Midday
1) Fill a jug with 1 litre (1 and ¾ pints) of water.
2) Empty the contents of 1 sachet of Klean Prep into the water.
3) Stir until the solution is clear.
4) Drink 1 glass full (1/4 litre or ½ pint) of Klean Prep about every 15 minutes until you have drunk it all. You can take your time with this; it should take you 1 – 2 ½ hours altogether.
• 2.30 pm Make up and take the next two sachets in the same way. You can store the jugs of Klean Prep in the fridge whilst you are drinking them. You should be starting to have watery bowel motions so stay near a toilet.
• By now you should have taken 3 sachets. When you next go to the toilet look and see if there are any solid bits in what you have just passed. If there is only clear liquid there is no need to take the last sachet. If you can see solid bits, or you are not sure, make up and drink the last sachet following the same instructions above as above as you did at 12 noon.

What do I do on the morning of the colonoscopy?

You are allowed to drink clear fluids only until 2 hours before your appointment time. You may receive sedation during your colonoscopy examination, it is therefore important that you stop drinking fluids 2 hours prior to your procedure. Attend the Endoscopy unit at your appointed time.

What can I expect?

Klean Prep can begin to work within 1- 2 hours of taking it. You will open your bowels frequently and eventually your motions should change from soft to loose and lastly to watery. Stay close to a toilet all day as you will use it regularly. You may experience some abdominal cramp – this is normal in some people.

The skin around your bottom can become red and sore due to frequent diarrhoea. A barrier cream such as Vaseline or nappy rash preparations can protect the skin. The soreness is temporary and will disappear in a few days.

Are there any side effects from Klean Prep or Senna?
You may experience headaches, nausea and sometimes vomiting. Abdominal bloating can occur and, less frequently, abdominal cramps. If you feel bloated or get stomach cramps, try taking the Klean Prep more slowly. You may get itchy skin (nettle rash or hives). Please inform the nursing staff on your arrival if you are not passing clear liquid as you may require an enema prior to your procedure.

prinz

HornyDevil wrote: »

I once crapped myself from laughing hysterically at a practical joke.

Double whammy for the practical joker.

In answer to the question no, but I have had a few near misses. Eddie Rocket's chili used to be ridiculous. Have seen a few others **** themselves, usually drink related.

mathie

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Well that was a red flag to a bull and it took three of us to pull Steve off him.

Thank God you said "him".

twistedsoul

on a daily basis

lorebringer

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep.

I feel ill. :mad:

May god help you - the prep is worse than the colonoscopy!

Hope you have a good book, soft toilet paper (this is not the time or place for the cheapo stuff) and lots of vaseline.

Samich

Nope never happened to me. Once got jocked on a bus and they got wedged up my hole but I thought I'd look queer if I went to unwedge them so I left the jocks like a thong up my hole for the rest of the bus journey.

HornyDevil

Samich wrote: »

Nope never happened to me. Once got jocked on a bus and they got wedged up my hole but I thought I'd look queer if I went to unwedge them so I left the jocks like a thong up my hole for the rest of the bus journey.

Lost 50p worth of your poundland specials up your ring-piece then :pac:

Witchie

lorebringer wrote: »

May god help you - the prep is worse than the colonoscopy!

Hope you have a good book, soft toilet paper (this is not the time or place for the cheapo stuff) and lots of vaseline.

Thank god for modern technology coz just take my phone and use the internet thanks to wifi while on the toilet..........






......................am not on it at the moment you will be glad to know!

HornyDevil

Witchie wrote: »

Thank god for modern technology coz just take my phone and use the internet thanks to wifi while on the toilet .......... am not on it at the moment you will be glad to know!

You've got THIS to look forward to m'boy

Witchie

HornyDevil wrote: »

You've got THIS to look forward to m'boy m'lady

FYP

:mad:

Monty Burnz

Witchie wrote: »

FYP

:mad:

That's not a good look for a lady tbh.

HornyDevil

Witchie wrote: »

FYP

:mad:

FY2 m'lady

:P

dirtypanties

Heard a story from a girl at work who was at a wedding-half way through a song on the dancefloor some poor guy legged it leaving a trail of watery crap which had run down his leg...dancefloor soon cleared...that's all that wedding is remembered for...shudder!

January

Toots* wrote: »

If I were you I'd be moving the TV into the bathroom and camping out on the jax for the day.

I've never shat myself in public (aside from in nappies as an infant) but legend has it that you poop yourself while giving birth so I could be back on this thread in a few weeks with a different answer

They won't even tell you if you poo'd during labour the midwives are that discreet at cleaning it up!

To answer the thread, yes I have soiled myself in public, in my defence, I and many others actually thought I was in labour...

Taco Corp

Was walking home to Ranelagh after a night out. Had a few Guinness during the night. I knew I was brewing something up and it was going to be close. As I got to the door, it popped. Could feel it rolling down my leg.

Got up the stairs and hopped straight into the shower with my clothes on, problem sorted

Dangerous Man

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Was heading to Croker for a Galway game a few years ago, showery day so I had the golf wet gear on.

Had a long walk to the stadium and I knew I had a 'live unstable round 'baking in the chamber.

Thought I could 'tough it out' and make the ****ters in the Hogan,but just on final approach she 'crowned' and exploded in me jocks like a fcuking dropped trifle.Total fcuking carnage!!!

Fcuking waft going through the stiles was wodious, I could see the fcuker taking the tickets pulling back his head:eek:

Anyway the Flutt was quick thinking, abandoned the caked strides and jocks in the shitters and just used the golf pull-ups which were not contaminated.

felt sorry for the dude who had to 'bag' the load in the jacks, not a pretty sight, full evacuation and loose.

Very traumatic.

Love it! Never gets old.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Many moons ago, the brother decided to go for a few sociables the night before slane. Being the sensible one, he knew that he'd have to go aisy on it to be up and fit for the 6am bus the next morning. However, he had ever so inconveniently played a practical joke on one of his drinking buddies the day before and the supposed buddy had already decided in his own mind that there was no way my brother would make it onto that bus. So shot after shot of jack Daniels was called at his expense, and eventually,the brother arrived in the door nothing short of legless. A younger mrs postman was going to meet a boy in town early the next morning and was hellbent on getting the last emersion shower when the brother pushed me out of the way, proclaiming that he simply HAD to go and would only be 2 minutes. 15 minutes later and I was getting a bit impatient, knocking on the bathroom door whilst polishing off his abrakebabra. 30 minutes later and with no sight nor sound emerging, I got a bit worried and called on the mothership to evict the squatter.

And squatter he was.

He had squatted on every possible surface of the bathroom. And himself. And lying in a foetal position on the bathroom floor, covered in a mixture of his own puke and faeces, my mother had to strip and wash him down before putting him to bed and scrubbing the bathroom, himself the whole time insisting to her that he HAD to be up at 6 for the slane bus.

So next morning, the father goes in to rise him (and make sure he's still actually alive), and he wanders out to the bathroom as if nothing happened. He comes out fully showered and dressed, looking for his shoes. At which my father advises him to look outside the front door. Outside, he finds his shoes filled with his own diaherrea, promptly vomits into them, comes back in, puts on his runners and goes to slane.

I don't envy the people who shared the bus with him.....

notwise

An absolute KNACK that I knew in oz was walking home in Bondi Junction one night. Spots a BMW with one of those cover things on it to protect it from the sun. he decides to take back the cover, take a dump on the roof and put the cover back again. Absolutely no respect for him and needless to say he will nEVEr ever be the owner of a BMW!

HornyDevil

Witchie wrote: »

Not yet but think there is a good possibility that if I leave the house today that it will be a different story. Have a colonoscopy tomoro and am drinking 4 liters of Klean Prep. I feel ill. :mad:

So . . . how did yer day go Witchie? . . . or are you still on the bog!

dirtypanties wrote: »

Heard a story from a girl at work who was at a wedding-half way through a song on the dancefloor some poor guy legged it leaving a trail of watery crap which had run down his leg...dancefloor soon cleared...that's all that wedding is remembered for...shudder!

Ah, I heard about that . . . Prince William.

footie_fanatic

ehhhhhh ....... NO

Witchie

HornyDevil wrote: »

So . . . how did yer day go Witchie? . . . or are you still on the bog!

Only spotted this now. Was grand, not as bad as I thought it would be.

Pity am still feeling the effects of the sedation 2 days later. Headache, dizzy and slept from 1am this morn til bout 5 this evening, straight through. Amazing for someone who is pretty much an insomniac. Still feel dazed and confused too.

Hope tomoro is easier.

Spread

These posts are fucking disgusting. I'm trying to eat my breakfast

whiskeyman

Spread wrote: »

These posts are fucking disgusting. I'm trying to eat my breakfast

Do you always eat your breakfast after searching and digging up old threads with 'shat' in them??

Spread

Spread wrote: »

These posts are fucking disgusting. I'm trying to eat my breakfast

That's what get for digging up old shít.

anncoates

amacca wrote: »

fcuk it...why bother anymore?

Don't get our hopes up like that.

PizzamanIRL

Spread wrote: »

These posts are fucking disgusting. I'm trying to eat my breakfast

The thread is over a year old and you searched for it while eating your breakfast?

SEPT 23 1989

No,only in the comfort of my own home

Spread

whiskeyman wrote: »

Do you always eat your breakfast after searching and digging up old threads with 'shat' in them??

I was actually looking for the Corn Flakes!

El Weirdo

Please don't resurrect old, shit threads.