difficult 8 month old?

session savage

My 8 month old son goes ballistic if I put him down for even one second. Even if i stay in the sme room he will be hysterical until i pick him up again. Should I let him cry or will picking him up spoil him. I cant even go to the loo without him loosing the plot.
Also he gets upset if I dont let him do what he wants. for example he loves to walk around when i hold his hands but my back can only take so much and if i dont bring him for a walk he gets very upset.. kinda like his mother
Any advice?
thanks

Das Kitty

session savage wrote: »

My 8 month old son goes ballistic if I put him down for even one second. Even if i stay in the sme room he will be hysterical until i pick him up again. Should I let him cry or will picking him up spoil him. I cant even go to the loo without him loosing the plot.
Also he gets upset if I dont let him do what he wants. for example he loves to walk around when i hold his hands but my back can only take so much and if i dont bring him for a walk he gets very upset.. kinda like his mother
Any advice?
thanks

It's not spoiling him per se, but you're training him to know that if he screams long enough he'll get his way.

Around 8 months they get a bit of separation anxiety as well so like to keep an eye on you.

I think at that age we just lifted him to avoid the crying but it really did our backs in. If we have another I'd probably let him/her cry a bit to save my back. At around 10 months we started letting him whinge and try to ignore it. We also did a thing that if he was behaving like that we'd take it as a sign of nap time and put him up for a snooze.

He's still a bit demanding but thankfully the word "no" means something to him now!

Edit- oh and my back is in good condition again!

wolfpawnat

I just continued what I was doing and let him off at that age. Seriously you cannot give in to every whim, you have to sort yourself too!

Hannibal Smith

I think if I was you, I'd let him cry, do what you have to do and then come back and give him a cuddle, leaving it longer and longer before you come back each time. That way you get what you need to do done, and he learns that although you go, you come back and he gets a good cuddle out of it?

Lola92

I have an 8 and a half month old baby girl. She too can be a little clingy and cry if she sees one of us leave the room. If she is occupied and does not notice then she doesn't really make a fuss when she looks up to see we are not there.

I make a point of letting her play on the floor on her own. She needs to learn to keep herself occupied, else I would never get dinner made/laundry done etc.

I really agree with what other posters have said about not giving in to what he wants all the time. If he is hysterical sit beside him and hold his hand or whatever to soothe him or distract him with a toy but do not pick him up until he has calmed down. If you do do you are only teaching him that a tantrum is the way to get what he wants, when he wants it.

Ayla

Personally, it's a massive pet peeve of mine this whole idea of "spoiling" a baby (which, at 8 months, your child still is). Your child cannot communicate yet, and although they're starting to realize their needs & wants, they can't fathom why that's not always your only priority.

My younger daughter was exactly what you're describing - drove us completely demented! I never had a moment of peace, and although she'd be content enough if I wasn't around it was hell as soon as I entered the room. She was clingy, short-tempered...chronically cranky, as we described it.

Long story short, it turns out that she had a really strong wheat intolerance which was causing her untold discomfort. If we had bowed to the countless people telling us we were "spoiling" her we'd have tried to turn a blind eye to what she was trying to tell us by her "tantrums." As was, as soon as we sorted the intolerance, she became a completely different child. Within a few days she would play away while I did my own thing, me going (and returning) from work was no longer a tearful and heartrenching ordeal, and the stress level of the entire house was cut by 99%.

You cannot spoil a baby...listen to them, get to the route of what they're trying to say. You are not the only person in the room, and your needs are not the only priority.

Lola92

Ayla wrote: »

Personally, it's a massive pet peeve of mine this whole idea of "spoiling" a baby (which, at 8 months, your child still is). Your child cannot communicate yet, and although they're starting to realize their needs & wants, they can't fathom why that's not always your only priority.

My younger daughter was exactly what you're describing - drove us completely demented! I never had a moment of peace, and although she'd be content enough if I wasn't around it was hell as soon as I entered the room. She was clingy, short-tempered...chronically cranky, as we described it.

Long story short, it turns out that she had a really strong wheat intolerance which was causing her untold discomfort. If we had bowed to the countless people telling us we were "spoiling" her we'd have tried to turn a blind eye to what she was trying to tell us by her "tantrums." As was, as soon as we sorted the intolerance, she became a completely different child. Within a few days she would play away while I did my own thing, me going (and returning) from work was no longer a tearful and heartrenching ordeal, and the stress level of the entire house was cut by 99%.

You cannot spoil a baby...listen to them, get to the route of what they're trying to say. You are not the only person in the room, and your needs are not the only priority.

Ayla I can appreciate where you are coming from. I don't think anyone would leave a sick child of any age to just cry it out. If any child is persistently behaving this way it would be best to get it checked out with a health professional just to be sure.

For the most part though, a parent can tell what is wrong from the cry of a baby of that age. I can tell if my daughter is tired/hungry/in pain/bored/has wind etc. Sometimes she just wants a play or cuddle.

I am not by any means saying I won't go to her when she cries, but if I know there is nothing really wrong with her and I need to go to the loo I won't rush over to her side.

There comes a point where a child does need to learn to self soothe and keep themselves entertained with a toy for a few minutes. I am not a selfish mother and the priorities of my child do come first but if I can't do basic tasks such as being able to eat, use the bathroom, get dressed (among others) without pandering to my child every second then IMO I would be doing both of us a disservice. How is a child to learn any independence? Where do you draw the line?

Ayla

I don't think anyone would leave a sick child of any age to just cry it out. If any child is persistently behaving this way it would be best to get it checked out with a health professional just to be sure.

For the most part though, a parent can tell what is wrong from the cry of a baby of that age.

Ah, but that's my point...our daughter was a "challenge" from day one (literally), and we took her to several GPs countless times. The diagnosis: cranky baby. They said, "some babies are just like this" and the suggested method of treatment: letting her cry it out so she'd learn it wouldn't work as a way of getting attention. If we hadn't tried other methods of getting to the bottom of it we'd still be listening to her screeches today, 23 months on.

I'm not saying the OP's child necessarily has a physical ailment which is causing his tantrums, but I am saying it's one possible cause. If - and only if - the parent is 100% sure that there is nothing physically wrong should any crying methods be used.

Don't get me wrong, I have had to listen to crying just so I could pour a cup of coffee, or go to the loo, or hang the laundry up. I understand that sometimes the kid's way isn't going to happen, I'm just very hesitant to go that route without thoroughly ensuring that there isn't something the child's trying to communicate. I think as a society we're so quick to label the child as high-need or spoiled without appreciating and understanding the difficulties they go through to do anything.

Ayla

Another thought...the OP's son is 8 months old. That's right in the middle of teething. And physical and mental & emotional growth & development.

What I'm trying to say to the OP is that just b/c your son is needy right now, showing him the support he is craving won't turn him into a selfish or spoiled brat. Our daughter was in our arms for the better part of a year, and now that we've sorted her physical ailment she really couldn't give a toss what we're doing. She's happy, content, loving & very independent. The only time she showed the clingy stuff again was when she got really sick about 2 months ago. Then, after a week on our knee, she was up & laughing over her shoulder at us.

Just think, when we as adults aren't feeling well, what do we do? We turn into whingy, whiney attention seekers. We want to be pampered, loved and nurtured, but as soon as we're better we're off again. Why are children any different?

Hannibal Smith

No one knows your baby like you do, because no one sees the behaviour except you. Ayla you obviously suspected there was something more wrong, judging by the fact that you say that you went to several gps about it and s/he was obviously in some distress.

There's a difference between your baby being in distress and crying because you've put them down. The OP seems to specifically say that it's when she leaves the room the baby cries.

Each person's experience is different, none should be whitewashed away, but if the OP is sure her son isn't ill, then she can try some of the methods to help her get stuff done.

wmpdd3

My friends little fella is 3 days older than my girl and he is very like this. After feeding etc if you let him sit down and play he will only last 3 mins max before he starts fretting.

If you go over to him and look at him a big smile roars across his face.

She has tried moving him every 10 mins, thinking he must have a very short attention span and constantly talking to him even when his whinging is nearly crying.

In contrast my little one prefers being on her own so she can get into mischief!