Unusual Dirty Talk

Oscar the grouch

DrumSteve wrote: »

"Fill me up to me gee flaps"

Classy bird then.....

Tubsandtiles

'Can you put it on with your mouth please? It's sexier. Or arse?'

carlybabe1

Tubsandtiles wrote: »

'Can you put it on with your mouth please? It's sexier. Or arse?'

Im gonna go with "what is a condom alex", yeah??

otherwise

we'llallhavetea_old

him: "am i hurtin ye?"

me: "no"

him: "no but am i huuuurtin ye?"

me: "er, yep!"

Tubsandtiles

carlybabe1 wrote: »

Im gonna go with "what is a condom alex", yeah??

otherwise

Its from an Inbetweeners quote

minidazzler

Had a girl sing this to me after sex.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4ZjEShp-vY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZyZbn5baJk

nice_very

howamidifferent wrote: »

"White wash me womb"

reminds me of that gaviscon ad

Samich

I'd tell you, but I haven't got lucky yet

df1985

another one for "piss on me"

nice_very

nice_very wrote: »

reminds me of that gaviscon ad

they were seriously takin the piss on that one

"don't worry love, you'll feel better once this group of firemen shoot white liquid from their hoses down your throat"

alcomoholic

girlfriend once said this just before going down on me:

''i'm gonna eat your asshole alive, bitch!"

:O

Monty Burnz

alcomoholic wrote: »

''i'm gonna eat your asshole alive, bitch!"

Would you like fries with that?

minidazzler

Monty Burnz wrote: »

Would you like fries with that?

He already has the salad, it's one or the other.

Samich

sausage

Sticky_Fingers

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Sex is not the time or place to start having conversations.

Precisely, the filthy act of fornication should be approached in the same manner you ride a lift with a co worker whose name you have forgotten. It should entail an extended embarrassed silence, no eye contact and awkward fidgeting to relieve the stress of having someone invade your personal space. All through the shameful, animalistic rutting you should be praying for that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you that thankfully the the ride is shortly coming to an end so you can get off and never speak of the encounter again.

Oscar the grouch

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Sex is not the time or place to start having conversations.

No thats what spooning is for.....:D

recylingbin

Oscar the grouch wrote: »

No thats what spooning is for.....:D

A long tome ago, I thought spooning had something to do with oral sex.
I found out it didn't in a most embarassing way.

Oscar the grouch

recylingbin wrote: »

A long tome ago, I thought spooning had something to do with oral sex.
I found out it didn't in a most embarassing way.

go on....dont leave us hanging?????

The_Thing

The dead never even bat an eyelid when I start talking dirty to them.

recylingbin

Oscar the grouch wrote: »

go on....dont leave us hanging?????

spooning -> eating -> cunningulus.

Girl asked me to spoon...oh the horror...

http://xs.to/media/86906/400x600

Oscar the grouch

recylingbin wrote: »

spooning -> eating -> cunningulus.

Girl asked me to spoon...oh the horror...

http://xs.to/media/86906/400x600

sorry man....but thats funny.....:D:D:D

Witchie

During sex I usually just ask them do they feel smarter now that they are plugged into a genius.

carlybabe1

The_Thing wrote: »

The dead never even bat an eyelid when I start talking dirty to them.

Go on Im listening.........,you've piqued my interest now...what kind of things to you say to them


that leads them to pretend they're dead

Witchie wrote: »

During sex I usually just ask them do they feel smarter now that they are plugged into a genius.

I think you got the wrong forum mate, top turn offs is that way

---

>

orangebud

give me your dick i want to taste my ****

talla10

One girl once asked me 'Do you wanna taste your own cum?? :eek:

Ditch

Her: " Ditch; You're in the wrong hole ..... "

Me: " No I'm not! " (Giggety! Giggety!)

Her: " Ditch; I think I'd know best ..... "

Me: " Mm. Fair point, love " <Shlurk!>

monkey tree

recylingbin wrote: »

spooning -> eating -> cunningulus.

Girl asked me to spoon...oh the horror...

http://xs.to/media/86906/400x600

Oh My Dear God!!! That is so embarrassing but also somehow kind of cute:D

Satts

Cock Me.

FetchTheGin

"Can I have a cuddle?" *shudder*

Satts

I want you to crack my phanny bone.

PK2008

This thread is giving me a boner

Corkblowin

I want you to make my face look like a painters radio.

Ehhhh.....excuse me.....what???!!!:eek::eek:

minidazzler

Ditch wrote: »

Her: " Ditch; You're in the wrong hole ..... "

Me: " No I'm not! " (Giggety! Giggety!)

Her: " Ditch; I think I'd know best ..... "

Me: " Mm. Fair point, love " <Shlurk!>

Don't be such a fool man, you will get her pregnant if you go in the wrong hole!

bluto63

'Bluto, what do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?'

Jesus Wept

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

I was once told "Rape me." I gave her the gentlest rape ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4hNaFkbZYU

Pdfile

is their any thread left on me tyres ?

kraggy

The amount of posters posting popular anecdotes that didn't actually happen them is hilarious.

"<insert funny urban mythical sexual expression for thanks>"

pebbles21

lets not turn this rape into a murder :eek:

IamtheWalrus

I was shagging a rather large lady once and during it she said 'Talk dirty to me'. I obliged saying 'Take it you tramp'. She stopped and said in a concerned voice 'Don't call me a tramp '. I only did what I was asked!

Frank Black

Friend of mine (honest) picked up a girl in Sligo.
He started to go down on her but she stopped him and said...

"None of your fancy stuff, just horse it into me"

teol

black francis wrote: »

Friend of mine (honest) picked up a girl in Sligo.
He started to go down on her but she stopped him and said...

"None of your fancy stuff, just horse it into me"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sEnVHsM7pM

IamtheWalrus

black francis wrote: »

Friend of mine (honest) picked up a girl in Sligo.
He started to go down on her but she stopped him and said...

"None of your fancy stuff, just horse it into me"

Just a heads up - that story is an urban myth that has been spun for years. Most people have heard of it. If you bring it up in a social situation people will laugh at you.

Frank Black

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

Just a heads up - that story is an urban myth that has been spun for years. Most people have heard of it. If you bring it up in a social situation people will laugh at you.

Sure.
Next you'll be telling me that story of the Roma who left her buggy on the bus is made up.

danniemcq

mmmm mmmm mmm mmm mmmmm mmmm

not sure what it was exactly cause of the duct tape but i'm assuming it was duuuuuurty

chopperbyrne

bluto63 wrote: »

'Bluto, what do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?'

Quality stuff from Alan. His radio piece afterwards is brilliant too.

Dub Ste

Years ago,the girl I was living with wanted to talk dirty to me,go ahead says I.

All the usual stuff,then she said c'mon big boy,f*ck me hard...................

I was furious,"who's this f*cking big then,cos it's not f*cking me":eek::D

mikom

IamtheWalrus wrote: »

Just a heads up - that story is an urban myth that has been spun for years. Most people have heard of it. If you bring it up in a social situation people will laugh at you.

Just a heads up - The poster knew that already.

cosmicfart

Shag me Shag me now baby im real MOIST!

BOHtox

Zip up your mickey