Editing check list

EileenG

A few things to look out for when editing, in no particular order.

Passive voice: It is to be hoped that no-one on Boards would write like this. Just say it.

Voice overs: phrases like "Little did she know", "Needless to say" (then why are you saying it?), "As it would turn out" or "No-one could have guessed". You might intend to increase tension. In reality, all they do is remind the reader that this is a story and they don't have to worry about the characters.

Speech tags: Use "said" or "asked" or "yelled" or "whispered". Not "quipped", "postulated", "elaborated", "huffed". Said and asked are invisible to the reader, they don't notice how often you use them. A long list of synonyms just reminds the reader that this is a story.

Adjectives and Adverbs: They don't add to your story. In English adjectives go before the noun, so the more you have, the harder you are making life for your reader. For instance, take "The tall, dark haired, firm-jawed, blue-eyed schoolgirl". By the time you come to the noun, you have to go back and reassess all the adjectives to form your mental picture, so you've come to a stop in your reading and are less inclined to read on. Pick the noun that says what you mean. Instead of "a big house" try "mansion". Instead of "A small horse", try "pony".

Same with adverbs. Sometimes they are necessary, but when possible, find a strong verb that doesn't require an adverb. Rather than "He ran quickly", try "He sprinted".

Redundancies: "He shrugged his shoulders." What else could he shrug? "He shrugged" is enough.
"She thought to herself." Who else could she think to?
"He nodded his head" As opposed to his toes?

Non-words: Very, Absolutely, Completely, Totally, Visibly. They don't do anything except increase your word count.

Began to/Started to: Don't use unless they get fail to complete the action. "He opened the door" is better than "He started to open the door".

Felt/Realised: Filters the emotions. "She felt sweat break out" is better as "She sweated".

Head hopping: Point of view shifts. Stay in one point of view for the whole scene (possible exception for romance, but make it obvious whose POV you are using). Switching POV frequently makes the reader dizzy.

Word choice: Sounds obvious, but you can't hiss something unless it has S in it. And you can't scream through gritted teeth.

As: Means one thing is happening at the same time as another thing. Not afterwards or because of.

Kinski

Some may find William Safire's "Rule for Writers" useful:

• Remember to never split an infinitive.
• The passive voice should never be used.
• Do not put statements in the negative form.
• Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
• Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
• If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
• A writer must not shift your point of view.
• And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
• Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
• Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
• Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
• If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
• Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
• Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
• Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
• Always pick on the correct idiom.
• The adverb always follows the verb.
• Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

EileenG wrote: »

Head hopping: Point of view shifts. Stay in one point of view for the whole scene (possible exception for romance, but make it obvious whose POV you are using). Switching POV frequently makes the reader dizzy.

Why the exception for romance?

Antilles

Kinski wrote: »

Why the exception for romance?

Because shoddy writing is a prerequisite for romance.

EileenG

No, because what the two main characters are thinking is more important for romance, and in a romantic scene, leaving out one POV may short charge the reader. You'd normally only do it for the big romantic/sex scenes, not the bumping into each other at the bank scenes. If they are bumping into each other at a fetish ball, then you'll probably want to use both POVs.

iguana

I mostly agree about the "head hopping" but there are some writers who do it well. I can't think of any right now, but I have definitely read the occasional book where the writer pulls it off seamlessly It takes a huge amount of skill though.

EileenG wrote:

No, because what the two main characters are thinking is more important for romance, and in a romantic scene, leaving out one POV may short charge the reader. You'd normally only do it for the big romantic/sex scenes, not the bumping into each other at the bank scenes. If they are bumping into each other at a fetish ball, then you'll probably want to use both POVs.

But there are lots of types of scene that are as or more important than sex/romance. An important argument between sisters, a showdown between a detective and a suspect, a father and a son struggling to understand each other, etc.

What I hate most about head hopping is when the author is inconsistent about who is a point of view character. I've read books with 3 or 4 main characters who have all had parts of the story told from their point of view but then halfway through it hops into the head of a completely different character for a paragraph or two only to never enter their head again. It's very jarring.

Kinski

Ignore that bollocks I posted earlier in the thread; it's advice is culled largely from the thoroughly discredited Strunk and White manual The Elements of Style. Here is an excellent article explaining the passive voice and outlining its uses, taken from the wonderful linguistics blog Language Log.

pickarooney

What a ridiculously long and involved article for something so straightforward!

Kinski

It is on the long side, but given that an irrational dislike of the passive voice seems to be prevalent among writing students and teachers (it is the very first item on Eileen's list, and the second on Safire's) there is no harm in seeing an article that provides a clear delineation of its features and functions.

pickarooney

I think the article presupposes knowledge of linguistics beyond that of the passive voice, i.e. if you can understand that no problem you should surely already know how and when to use it and recognise it.

A better example would be a simple murder scene. It's easy to illustrate proper use of passive in that kind of scenario and everyone can relate to it.

ThePinkCage

Seemed to is another one to avoid, makes the sentence too vague.

And take note of your crutch words. You'll be surprised how much ligher your story feels when you take out the repeated words.

EileenG

Mine is "began to". I got a shock when I did a search for it, and discovered I had over thirty "began to" in my novel. And only four of them were legit.

pickarooney

Whoah, I just ran the same check and have NINETY instances of 'began to' and thirty cases of 'seemed to'

I didn't bother to see if any were acceptable. That's for a different pass-through.

EileenG

Do a search for "realised" and "felt" as well. They can rack up too.

pickarooney

Just 14 "realised"s and any of the "felt"s I found were physical instances (and one material).

Kinski

Harold Bloom claims that when he read a Harry Potter novel, he noticed that any time a character went for a walk, Rowling wrote that he/she "stretched his/her legs." He began marking an envelope, noting every repetition of the phrase. He gave up when he'd marked the envelope "several dozen times"!

iguana

I overuse "just" an awful lot. I once found it written 212 times over 31 pages. It wasn't even a first draft, I actually thought I was finished until I recorded myself reading some of the dialogue aloud, to see how it sounded when spoken. I noticed I overused "just" so did a search for it and saw just how overused it was.

The Mad Hatter

Kinski wrote: »

Harold Bloom claims that when he read a Harry Potter novel, he noticed that any time a character went for a walk, Rowling wrote that he/she "stretched his/her legs." He began marking an envelope, noting every repetition of the phrase. He gave up when he'd marked the envelope "several dozen times"!

Reading the Harry Potters now - that's gonna bother me from now on.

EileenG

Once you start looking, you see this everywhere. There's one author I would recognise purely from her use of the word "small".

pickarooney

I'm getting tied up in POV/head-hopping again. A couple is having an argument - is it not fair game to let the reader know what each is thinking in contrast to what each is saying?

EileenG

It can be done, but you need great skill to switch from head to head as the fight. Might be better to start with one pov, and finish with the other. Switching POV halfway through is fine.

pickarooney

Skill in what sense?

EileenG

Skill in making the transitions from one POV to the other smooth and neat, so that the reader always knows whose head she is in, without the author having to announce "And now it's back to the heroine... And here's the hero again..."

If you are doing just one transition, you can leave a blank line to let the reader know there's a transition, but if there is constant switching, you can't have a blank line before each one.

pickarooney

I'm looking at this page and it's along the lines of a piece of dialogue from A, a 'reaction shot' of B as seen by A and A's own itrospective view followed by the reverse scenario. I can't see how it would not be clear exactly what's going on but hten again I did write it so am not well placed to judge I keep feeling like I'm breaking the law though.

EileenG

Do you want to pm it to me, and I'll tell you if I can follow it?

pickarooney

Sure, although I have a feeling you read this before a good while back. Let me check if that's the case first!

EileenG

Doesn't matter, I've probably forgotten.

pickarooney

Yep, definitely sent it last year but it was before I knew what head-hopping or POV-switching was.

niall mc cann

EileenG wrote: »

Skill in making the transitions from one POV to the other smooth and neat, so that the reader always knows whose head she is in, without the author having to announce "And now it's back to the heroine... And here's the hero again..."

If you are doing just one transition, you can leave a blank line to let the reader know there's a transition, but if there is constant switching, you can't have a blank line before each one.

An omniscient narrator is probably the way to go in a situation like that, would be my instinct...

The trade off being that omniscient narration can make your work seem stuffy and old-fashioned. You need a really strong narrative voice to overcome that.

EileenG

I reckon omnicsient view is fine for an action scene where you have a lot of characters all doing stuff. In a scene with two people, particularly if it's romantic, it doesn't work so well. "And then he stuck his thing in and she licked his *** and he made a noise and ..." Without an idea of what's happening in their heads, it's pure porn, and not the good stuff.

Hmmm, am I the only one who thinks there are is good porn?

niall mc cann

EileenG wrote: »

I reckon omnicsient view is fine for an action scene where you have a lot of characters all doing stuff. In a scene with two people, particularly if it's romantic, it doesn't work so well. "And then he stuck his thing in and she licked his *** and he made a noise and ..." Without an idea of what's happening in their heads, it's pure porn, and not the good stuff.

Sure, but an omniscient narrator would know what's going on inside each of the heads too.

I'm thinking of someone like Terry Pratchett, who often makes quite memorable pieces by having his own avuncular narrative voice draw attention to two characters looking at the same thing and each seeing something completely different. You have to trust that the narrator does know what each is thinking, of course.

Hmmm, am I the only one who thinks there are is good porn?

Nope. Lost Girls - crazy good porn.

EileenG

niall mc cann wrote: »

Sure, but an omniscient narrator would know what's going on inside each of the heads too.

But then you are head hopping, and you're back to the skill of the author as it how smoothly you can do it.

H. Flashman

thats a good list thanks eileen

desolate sun

EileenG wrote: »

A few things to look out for when editing, in no particular order.

Speech tags: Use "said" or "asked" or "yelled" or "whispered". Not "quipped", "postulated", "elaborated", "huffed". Said and asked are invisible to the reader, they don't notice how often you use them. A long list of synonyms just reminds the reader that this is a story.

Adjectives and Adverbs: They don't add to your story. In English adjectives go before the noun, so the more you have, the harder you are making life for your reader. For instance, take "The tall, dark haired, firm-jawed, blue-eyed schoolgirl". By the time you come to the noun, you have to go back and reassess all the adjectives to form your mental picture, so you've come to a stop in your reading and are less inclined to read on. Pick the noun that says what you mean. Instead of "a big house" try "mansion". Instead of "A small horse", try "pony".

Same with adverbs. Sometimes they are necessary, but when possible, find a strong verb that doesn't require an adverb. Rather than "He ran quickly", try "He sprinted".

Redundancies: "He shrugged his shoulders." What else could he shrug? "He shrugged" is enough.
"She thought to herself." Who else could she think to?
"He nodded his head" As opposed to his toes?

Non-words: Very, Absolutely, Completely, Totally, Visibly. They don't do anything except increase your word count.

I really need to get this off my chest. Eileen, this is your post and I wholeheartedly agree, yet your novel's first page is littered with these mistakes. The first line of your novel contains an adverb and it's redundant at that. There's also a bit of telling going on too.

I would have no problem with all that, but I've seen a couple of your posts where you are offering to read over the opening chapters of some newbie writer and telling them if it's ready for publication.
You said in one particular post that you don't hold back on criticism. I really have a problem with this, since you're not exactly practising what you preach.

And before anybody says I'm jealous, I'm not. I wish Eileen well.

EileenG

I know. The reason I put that list together was because when I was doing the paperback edit, I found I was doing all those things and didn't even notice before. That list was originally for me, to remind me to stop that crap.

When I offered to read over opening chapters, it wasn't with any intention of doing a line edit. God knows, my own spelling is so crap there's lots of things I wouldn't notice. But what I am pretty good at is knowing if the novel is opening in the right place. You can sell a novel with a few unnecessary adjectives or pov shifts, but not one which begins three chapters before the action starts.

pickarooney

Any tips/tools for consistency checking? I somehow only realised at the last minute that due to a fair bit of chopping and changing I had a character in two different countries at once! I need a surefire way of picking up on less flagrant continuity errors.

EileenG

That one catches me too. I had one character who had lived an extra two days over everyone else.

I've heard it's a good idea to keep a notebook beside you as you write every scene, and note down things like where they are, how much time has passed, what bits of backstory you have seeded etc.