Housemate and visitors

donegal lass 4

Hello everyone

I currently live i a large house with 4 housemates, we generally get on well, we wouldnt be best friends, but all gel along nicely!

I have posted this here, because I'm looking for advice on how to approach a problem and have a workable solution, its not personal issue, and I know a stirct rule or decision either way wont benefit anyone in the house.

We generally have an unwritten rule in the house (for the last 3 years I have lived there) that visitors (partners, friends, etc) are allowed to stay over 2/3 nights a week, without any problems. We all have family, friends and partners stay over at weekends based on this!

However one of the housemates who moved in in October 2010, has totally taken the P**S with this, his girlfriend stays over a max 6/7 nights a week, and on a "good week" she might be on our house 3 nights at least.

She takes showers in our house, using the immersion to heat water, washes her uniform for work and cooks dinner also. I have my suspicions that my housemate has given her a key also, but im not sure, but she is in our house sometimes when i come in from work and he is not there!

She makes every effort to be nice to us...but she has a loud laugh and can be heard throughout the house late at night. the two other housemates and myself are really starting to get irrated by how much she is in our house.

she does not pay any rent, has not offered anything towards bills, dispite using the facilites on a daily basis, and even parks her car in the car park spots for the house.

anyhow How to approach this? the landlord keeps his distance really from us, he allows us alot of freedom in the house and hasnt layed down too many rules; as I said above the relaxed rules regarding visitors have suited everyone up to now, but the housemate and his girlfriend are abusing them, knowing that we are a fairly relaxed house.

over the last two months, its has gotten really bad, to the 6/7 nights a week. I often go away at weekends or home, she has actually stayed in the house more that me!

anyho what to do, or how to approach this?
thanks for any advice anyone can give

conorhal

I've been in this situation before and believe me it will continue for as long as you allow it to so it's time to sit you housemate down and have a chat, preferably involving all of your other housemates as well and agree some ground rules.

I've always operated a very simple rule when it comes to housemates and guests, if you're not there then neither is your guest, thats the point of guests , the come to visit you not the house. Also under no circumstances is it permissible for anybody other then a tenant to have a key.

Your housemate is taking the piss and clearly has no respect for the other people that he lives with, remember, you are paying rent and splitting a share of the bills. If his girlfriend is effectively living there she can either contribute or gets out, you have no obligation to support and subsidise this sponger. As she has been effectively living there for the past two months, and most bills are bi-monthly, during this conversation with your housemate I'd also inform him (not ask him) that the bills for the past two months will be split five ways not four.

scotchannie

I think you should confront your house mate and ask if she has moved in and if this is the case then she should contribute to the running costs of the house ...

donegal lass 4

thanks to everyone who replied, I would be of the same opinion as ye, that either she pays up doesnt stay over with the same frequency.

I have actually mentioned to the housemate last week, I asked him to consider scaling back on the nights she stays, and to think of everyone else in the house.
I also pointed out that as any new housemate moves in, that this is explained to them, ie 2/3 nights for a visitor is generally okay. and I it is hypocritical for me to say it to anyone new, when its being ignored by existing housemates! (we have a new housemate for sept now ....wanted to try and get it sorted without their involvement!)

he did acknowledge my view and he geniunely said he think about it, however I got a call from the landlord this morning.

the sneaky fella went to him and complained that I had my sister stay one night 3 weeks ago and he wanted to know what the exact rule was on house guests. He also said that his girlfriend works long shifts and they dont get to see each other much, does he not count waking up with her and going to bed together with her as "time" .....

I purposely kept the landlord out of it, to see if we could have tried to resolve it ourselves, obivously not!

I just wanted to see was I been overly annoyed by it or is it a well known "issue" with houseshares?

Idbatterim

2 options, she either pays towards rent and bills (thats assuming the rest of you are even happy with another housemate) or she reduces frequency of stay.

conorhal

What a sly sneeky SOB!

I'd suggest that you contact your landlord immediately, explain the situation to him and tell him that your other housemates can confirm your version of events if he would like to call them.
You should play this guy at his own game, if it's clarification regards the rules for house guests he wants I suggest that you have the landlord clarify them for him so. Have the landlord tell him that it is unacceptable for him to have a guest stay more then two consecutive nights without the agreement of his other housemates.
Your flatmates girlfriends work schedule is not your problem and if the new rules don't suit him he can move out, this nasty character doesn't sound like he'd be much of a loss!

donegal lass 4

I will admit I was surprised he went and spoke to landlord, It was actually the landlord who called me, the housemate didnt even want to discuss with me or any of the others.

I do feel a bit mad at that, but I'm not really friends with him or his girlfriend, so Im not too bothered.

the landlord has agreed with me on this and has stated to the housemate that he has to reconsider the amount of time she spends there.

Id say he will be a bit huffy with me on this, but i tried to sort it out without landlord intervention, and it was him that alerted to landlord to the problem, by calling for clarification on house visitors!

I actually felt bad for having a word last week to him,but not anymore, after he said what he said about my sister staying!

I seem to have opened a can of worms, but given my finanical situation I cant literally afford to be paying for someone else's esb etc!