Best old school put-downs or put-ups you've heard

Sky King

I'd rather be up on a murder charge

podgemonster

iamstop wrote: »

A response to a chat up line
Dude: How do you want your eggs in the morning?
Chick: Unfertilized!

How to Respond
Dude: Fair enough i'll just shoot up yer arsé then so!

reganreggie

My mate to fat girl " Can you move up on the sofa 8 of the lads want to sit there"

Men are like toilets Engaged, disabled or full of ****e.

Attactive woman- " I say she has a candyfloss flavoured flange"

Kinky Slinky

killer007 wrote: »

She was a two bagger.
One Bag for her head and one bag your head in case her bag fell off !!!:)

Double bagger

not yet

My personel favourite......i left her 2x3 like a paste bucket.

pajunior

Kinky Slinky wrote: »

killer007 wrote: »

She was a two bagger.
One Bag for her head and one bag your head in case her bag fell off !!!:)

Double bagger

If she is really bad she becomes a three bagger the third is a body bag.

Spacedog

Malcom quotes from the 'thick of it'

"he's as much use as a marzipan dildo".

"he's got a knob the size of a bookies biro".

trebor28

"She has a face on her that would drive rats from a dump!"

kevez

she has that many STIs that she'd leave your mickey like a lion bar
she has a face like a jigsaw in bits

paul75

describing someone who is dentally challenged:
"she's could eat an apple through a letter box"

Sleepy

A face like a box of burnt lego.

CiaranMT

Longback Battlewarrior.

To this day I'm not sure if it was a negative or positive.

im a believer

girl was getting out of the bath while heavily pregnant, boyfriend looks over his shoulder an says " f**k back to the loch nessey "

im a believer

you have a face that wore out two bodies

Storminateacup

"shut up, you miserable little bollocks. I wish I could pull your ears off and stick them to your butt just so you could hear me kick your ass"

GalwayKiefer

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit her face off every branch on the way down.

IrishBrian

She looks like someone set fire to her face and put it out with a shovel

Ghandee

Sure she's a head on er like my arse wid a nose on it!

Jess16

Can't believe Im actually typing this but for purposes of entertainment..

-the best part of you dribbled down your ma's chin

Mitch Buchannon

She had a fanny like a badly stuffed kabab

--Kaiser--

I wouldn't ride her if she had pedals

stovelid

She'd put a horn on a snowman.

My Da used to say "he could peel an orange in his pocket with one hand"" for mean people.

Fozzydog3

Shes so ugly she needs prescription make up

Zer0

My dad and brother used to always have me in stitches with the stuff they came out with, I'm sure they heard them off someone else, but still...

Whilst making fun of someone’s mother:
"Your aulones t!ts are so big they could feed the entire maternity unit in the Coombe"

On describing someone’s stupidity:
"Your aulone must've closed her legs when you were coming out!"

If someone tells you an awful joke:
"You wouldn't even read that on the pack of a penguin bar!"

Describing someone who is up themselves:
"You'd want a glass stomach so you could see where you're walking"

Often good use against a stupid, well to do individual:
"You're just like cream, rich and thick...”

When describing someone as a fool:
"A few million sperm and you were the best one?"

Gingervitis

"She's got flaps like a butcher's bin."

"Des Kelly wouldn't lay her"

2 girls in a nightclub, say to the ugly one: "Do you like to dance?" When her eyes light up, tell her, "Good, fcuk off so I can talk to your mate."

backinexile

"jaysus love Larry Murphy wouldn't take you to the woods"

Eroticfishcake

make a spa face with your tongue still inside your mouth but its protruding out your chin 'nah snared rapid'...proper old skool but surprisingly harder to describe than I thought

Cee-Jay-Cee

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

And my own creation about stupid people:

He was a special child. He went to school on a special bus but he missed it most days...and was hit by it on most other days.

Nephinbeg

The arse on her and the price of meat!

DoneDL

12 Pinter.

They would be out of their depth in a car park puddle.

NTC

About an ugly girl...

When she was a child they had to tie a bone around her neck so the dog would play with her.

Black_Ninja

She's been rodgered more times than a garda's radio