3 and half YO boy, will not take to toilet

LegacyUser

My son now is 3 and 6 nearly 7 months, we've been toilet training for ages now. We've tried everything, he's seen us do the business ourselves, we've tried bribes and rewards, nothing works. he's been totally without the pull-ups 24/7 now for 4+ weeks.he'll make weewees in the toilet alright, but refuses to poo.

I keep bringing him him every so often, but he wont do anything, ill bring him downstairs again, 2 mins later, he'll do it in his pants....Im at my wit's end at this stage, the crèche are saying he wont be allowed start preschool in sept, if he's not trained....they have been doing their best also...he understands whats going on, I think it may be embarrassment, but Ive run out of ideas at this stage, i feel maybe we need to bring him somewhere at this stage...

any advise please, thanks

Cat Melodeon

I think a trip to the GP or PHN might be in order just to rule out any physical problems. It's more usual for a child to be bowel-trained before bladder-trained as it's easier for them to identify when they need to do a poo. The fact that your boy is peeing in the potty but has issues with #2 might suggest either a hang-up or physical discomfort, or even the memory of a physical discomfort. My nephew suffered a serious set-back to potty training after an excellent start when he became constipated and tore slightly on one occasion causing him pain. After that he was terrified to poo at all and completely refused to use the potty for about 3 weeks. Did your son have any similar trauma that you know of? As you said, it could also be embarrassment - he is old enough now to know that it is a problem and might just be inhibited. A GP/PHN should be able to give you some advice on how to deal with this.

If there's no underlying physical or psychological cause, maybe a complete break is needed, go back to nappies and then start again in a month or so. A friend of mine did the following: put up a calendar and circle the day that he is going to start using the toilet; get him to tick off each day as the deadline approaches and praise him that he's going to be a big boy soon, but make no other mention of potty training for the rest of the day unless he brings it up himself; don't talk to anyone else about it in his presence - it's between him and you; the days before make sure he eats plenty of fruit and fibre-rich foods so it'll be easier on him; on the day, switch to pull ups and no trousers for ease of access; remind him gently at appropriate times; give serious praise every time he 'performs'; don't make a big deal if he has an accident, just say 'oh well, we'll try again soon'. Hopefully, it'll work!

RIRI

Hi Op

I feel your pain - we had several starts & stops with toilet training at this age & the mad lad was still wetting the bed almost a year later. My advice? Be sure there's no physical issue as Cat has already said, and then breathe -it will come good - PROMISE!