Neighbours outside windows

C-J

woodchuck wrote: »

You suggest she constantly has the blinds/curtains closed? Hardly ideal to never have natural light in her own apartment...

they're CLEARLY not suggesting that, just pull the blinds if the toddler makes the op uncomfortable. Which in itself sounds as absurd as the situation is

woodchuck

C-J wrote: »

they're CLEARLY not suggesting that, just pull the blinds if the toddler makes the op uncomfortable. Which in itself sounds as absurd as the situation is

Think of ALL of the things you do in the privacy of your own home... would you want a toddler or anyone else seeing that?! It might be a bit late to pull the blinds if the OP is already doing something or dressed in a way that she wouldn't want others to see her (which they wouldn't otherwise, unless they're right up against door like she says!). While this isn't a life or death type of problem, it is a nuisance and she's justified in her feelings.

Nulty

I'm with the OP here. I think the only thing you can do is be honest and reasonable Give them a time slot that they can visit the cats....say tuesdays and fridays 2pm - 4pm. Not that exactly, but you get my meaning. That way you know when they'll be there, the neighbour won't be compelled to look in your window because you have and agreement and the kid gets to hang with you awesome cats.

You just gotta be straight, upfront and reasonable with your neighbour.

Even go out one day and introduce yourself? That way you can get your neighbour to watch your flat when your away etc. Its good to have neighbours who can do stuff for you.

C-J

Oh for gods sake I live in an apartment with one solid wall of glass, standing outside you still cant see in you just see your own reflection in the glass. The neighbour is hardly pressed up against the glass with a camera taking mental notes of valuable possessions she's being a good mother to her child! Why doesnt the op ring the guards i'm sure they'd love to respond to such an urgent call

sharper

If you go out and strike up a conversation she won't be a stranger anymore. If I had a choice I'd live in a nice castle with a moat but until then I have to make do.

LegacyUser

O.P, I think you have given this matter for too much thought. The poor woman is probaly run ragged with the toddler and is willing to do whatever she can to appease him, I would very much doubt that her ultimate daily goal is to go and creep on you!

My neighbour brings his little daughter along the side of my house to look at my dog out in the back garden and it doesn't bother me. If anything, it's nice to know that there is someone decent who keeps an eye on the place with the amount of robberies going on lately.

May all your problems be as small as this!

Neyite

woodchuck wrote: »

You suggest she constantly has the blinds/curtains closed? Hardly ideal to never have natural light in her own apartment...

Did I say that she should keep the blinds closed? No. And I never even mentioned curtains!!

I have blinds in my house, I have also lived in a ground floor flat with communal grounds, So I know what its like for people to be passing by my full length window having a gawk.

Blinds can be angled so the light can get in but provide privacy at ground level. I know because I set mine that way - plenty of daylight, plenty of privacy.

Justask

Its a toddler saying hello to a cat for 5 mins a day.....:rolleyes:

Am I missing something here??

athtrasna

If you live in an apartment the outdoor patio/balcony is actually common property for which you have rights to sole use. Coming up to the railings she is actually on common property. Also are you allowed to have pets in your development?

In an apartment complex the only "private" areas are interior to your apartment. It's not the same as a private house where you would expect privacy outside too.

ted1

Yes your missing a complete invasion of privacy in ones own home. It's a toddler and mum. As the comic said "hello mister Wilson"

woodchuck

Neyite wrote: »

Did I say that she should keep the blinds closed? No. And I never even mentioned curtains!!

I have blinds in my house, I have also lived in a ground floor flat with communal grounds, So I know what its like for people to be passing by my full length window having a gawk.

Blinds can be angled so the light can get in but provide privacy at ground level. I know because I set mine that way - plenty of daylight, plenty of privacy.

The blinds might be a good idea then, but I don't think she's mentioned if it’s happening in the front room or the bedroom. Blinds might not be ideal for the bedroom to keep out light while sleeping. Even still, if people are coming up that close to the window they could probably still see between the slots.

(I only mentioned curtains in conjunction with blinds as she may already have these… no need to take offense! I’m not having a go or anything, I just know where the OP is coming from and I think a lot of people are being a bit insensitive. And you can't blame me for misinterpreting the 4 word post you had.)

thefeatheredcat

Winnie wrote: »

yeah she spends about 5 mins, but it is every day and sometimes more than once, I just turn around and she her standing outside the windows and I can see that she is trying to have a look to see if anyone is home so she is aware that she is very close to my apartment....

HI OP I can understand the issue - I think the woman is probably aware that she is indeed perhaps taking liberty in visiting the cats... if she's checking the window she may be on the look out for you to come out OP but so far nothing - for all you know it could be an excuse to strike up a conversation with you.

From my experience cats are always uncertain around toddlers because they're unpredictable and have yet to learn how gently to pet cats, which this woman is probably teaching the toddler anyway.

Once a day in your situation I would cope with OP, but not more than that. People may think it's nice and cute that the toddler is showing interest, and I know if I was passing by I'd show interest too, as probably are other people passing by taking note of the toddler with the cats at the double doors... it would just attract a little too much attention for my liking for both my and the cats' safety.

Best course of action is when you next see them pop outside and have a chat about the cats. No doubt she'll probably be apologetic for disturbing you and explain how the toddler is mad about the cats and hopes she's not been a nuisance. You could chat away about the cats and say they're cats who love their sleep and love to be undisturbed and feel at ease with their area if you don't want to outrightly tell her not to visit too often.

the groutch

too drastic?

mydearwatson

Winnie wrote: »

I know she is only showing the cats to her child

Just to point out ... it's probably not her showing the cats to her child ... it is just that it happens that their daily walk just happens to pass your apartment, and her child is drawn to the cats.

Just as the child may also be drawn to a house a few doors down where there is a dog; a particular bush along the way with pretty flowers; a little stream with ducks in it; a bit of a graffiti on a wall. Not the mention the random leaf, twig, puddle, stone, which the child will suddenly become fixated with. There are plenty of things that will draw a child's attention. Your cats are probably not the highlight of this mother's walk with her baby - just a tiny part of it, which is possibly fascinating to the child in question.

You want a solution? If it's bothering you that much, tell the mother that it bothers you that her toddler looks at her cats which you leave sitting in full view of a public walkway ... god I'm cringing as I type that! :eek: Because it's so ridiculous, that this could ever be an issue! But if you tell her that (i.e. the truth) it probably will encourage her to keep her kids well away from you (and therefore away from your precious kitties.)

Long term solution .... get a different apartment, if it bothers you so much.

Net curtains.

Problem solved.

ted1

Op said its a private terrace and they come to her balcony. There's boundaries .

R.D. aka MR.D

I can't get over all the negative replies here op! Obviously there are a lot of people comfortable with having strangers outside their windows!!!

Is there any way you can keep the cats inside for a day or two. That way the kid might forget about them.

Or maybe just open the door one day and as another poster said talk about the cats. say something like 'would you mind not coming up to the balcony, not being funny or anything but the cats can kind of be unpredictable. they are totally fine if you don't invade their space. But i'd be worried the little one would get a scratch or a bite and that would leave me in a tough situation. i might have to get them put down or something.' Be really apologetic and everything and hopefully she will get the hint and leave you alone.

I actually can't believe some one would be so brazen as to stand outside your double doors. I've had countryside neighbours i've known my whole life who wouldn't even do that!!!!

wild_cat

OP you mentioned that the cats run away and hide?

Surely they'd move on then as there are no cats to see.

Why don't you just let the cats out at night and keep them in during the day?

I am a friend

ted1 wrote: »

Op said its a private terrace and they come to her balcony. There's boundaries .

Yep TO her balcony not ONTO it... Big difference.

seenitall

I am a friend wrote: »

Yep TO her balcony not ONTO it... Big difference.

No, not a big difference at all in terms of having a free view into someone's living space. This isn't about the cuteness or otherwise of a toddler's curiosity either, it's about breaching privacy boundaries by the toddler's mother. Is there no such a thing as saying: "No, not today, honey, I'm sure the nice lady with the cats has had quite enough of us in front of her windows for a while"?

Reminds me of a holiday with an ex long ago, where we were in private rented accomodation, with a balcony running all the way around the house. Our host would completely unexpectedly show up in front of our bedroom french window, "just to be sociable and say hi", no longer than a minute or 2. We were very, very lucky in that it was a relationship badly lacking in sex, <- and heaven knows I never thought I'd ever be writing that sentence down!

I'd say get a bit more friendly with the person and then set out some boundaries, as already recommended, OP.

I am a friend

ted1 wrote: »

Op said its a private terrace and they come to her balcony. There's boundaries .

Unless she is on the balcony she isn't breaching any boundaries.

The reason ground floor apartments are cheaper is because people pay for higher apartments to ensure this doesn't happen. C'est la vie Rodney.

Neyite

woodchuck wrote: »

The blinds might be a good idea then, but I don't think she's mentioned if it’s happening in the front room or the bedroom. Blinds might not be ideal for the bedroom to keep out light while sleeping. Even still, if people are coming up that close to the window they could probably still see between the slots.

(I only mentioned curtains in conjunction with blinds as she may already have these… no need to take offense! I’m not having a go or anything, I just know where the OP is coming from and I think a lot of people are being a bit insensitive. And you can't blame me for misinterpreting the 4 word post you had.)

My apartment has blinds fitted on all the windows, including the patio door and the bedrooms and while I'm on the second floor, I do have next door neighbours who could look in a window or two, plus a road that passes by the window that lets you see into the whole living/sitting area. I just find them really practical, and you soon get used to them in the bedroom.

It sounds like the cats are not belonging to the OP? so I doubt very much she can keep them indoors in that case.

Probably the mother of the toddler just thinks that 2 mins petting the cats is worth avoiding the inevitable meltdown when he is not allowed to . He is clearly fixated with them.

OP it boils down to this - ask the owner of the cats to keep them in, or introduce yourself to the mother and ask her to choose another route if she can, or like I suggested, get blinds.

seenitall

I am a friend wrote: »

Unless she is on the balcony she isn't breaching any boundaries.

Yes, she is. There is more than laws and legality keeping a society functioning smoothly, like ordinary social etiquette and consideration for other people's privacy. This woman knows what she is doing is a bit off, that's why she goes about it cautiously, checking that the coast is clear, as it were.

I know exactly what living with a small and curious child is like, yet somehow I have so far managed to avoid inconveniencing neighbours and intruding on their peace.

PhiloCypher

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I can't get over all the negative replies here op! Obviously there are a lot of people comfortable with having strangers outside their windows!!!

Is there any way you can keep the cats inside for a day or two. That way the kid might forget about them.

Or maybe just open the door one day and as another poster said talk about the cats. say something like 'would you mind not coming up to the balcony, not being funny or anything but the cats can kind of be unpredictable. they are totally fine if you don't invade their space. But i'd be worried the little one would get a scratch or a bite and that would leave me in a tough situation. i might have to get them put down or something.' Be really apologetic and everything and hopefully she will get the hint and leave you alone.

I actually can't believe some one would be so brazen as to stand outside your double doors. I've had countryside neighbours i've known my whole life who wouldn't even do that!!!!

Was about to post that(bolded) very thing , the op needs to break the cycle ,do the mom and toddler visit the petting zoo that seems to be your balcony at the same time every day ? if so take the cats in for an hour in or around that time , if they are detouring to pass by your balcony for a gawk a couple of days of dissappointment could well put them off .

paul71

not even wrong wrote: »

Yes. The child wants to see the kitties and is not trespassing on your property, get over it.

Can I come and stand outside your livingroom window for an hour everyday? The OP is only asking for privacy, a basic expectation in your own home, surely.

OP, you really don't have a choice you must speak to the lady, it may well be an akward situation but perhaps you could tell her that there are certain times she could come and see the cats.

athtrasna

You have a right to privacy in your own home and on your own property outside. The woman in question is on common property and has every right to be there. The OP has no right to dictate to anyone where they can go. As a nation we are not used to apartment living and the lack of privacy that brings.

paul71

Correct we are not used to appartment living and in the countries I have lived where they are used to it, this lady would firstly not stand outside someones window and secondly if she did would be told in short order to move on.

The law and the absolute legalities of common areas are not an excuse for the common courtesy you expect from and should return to your neighbours.

Winnie

well i think i may just have to put up with it as I know she only doing it for her child.....i think it was just annoying me because she is not the only one who does it, sometimes others stand outside to look at cats with their kids too, only for few minutes but even still, i feel like I am in an aquarium sometimes!

the_syco

"Drop" a scary looking picture against the window near the cats :P

LegacyUser

Does your terrace run out to the path ithout any boundery? I'm picturing my friends apartment building which is like that, and some people have put plant pots and even small (like a foot tall) fencing along the edge.

If you put something like that it would emphasise the boundary between your property and public property which might deter them actually coming onto the terrace (and hence not right up to the windows) and it would give something for the cats to hide behind too, so they might get the hint the kitties don't want to be petted.

If they do come onto the terrace then it is more than a bit out of order. in that case I'd make a point of coming out to say hi, being perfectly nice, but showing that you are aware they are on your property. A quick "hi how are you lovely day, off to the park is it? well I must get back to the cooking, i'll let you get on your way" should send them off. A few days of that and they should get the hint that it's your place, not public property.