The BIG talk!

KittyeeTrix

Just saw a thread in AH about the "talk" us parents face with regards sex...It got me thinking.

At what age did ye broach the subject with your child and how did you go about it i.e did dad chat to the boys and mom to the girls, did you provide books etc??

RedXIV

Apparently I got a book when I was about 6 that unintentionally taught me the facts of life. Because I wasn't explained anything, I just read it, I was convinced you shoved a hen's egg into the girl and urinated into her and BAM - baby is made.

I had my facts cleared up by the school yard and by accidentally recording a dirty movie one night

Am dreading the thoughts of having to do it with my kids because I never had it done with me so I've no idea when to do it!?

Moonbeam

I knew at about 6 too due to books and probably the news/tv.

I remember my mother sitting me down at about 10 and pretending I knew nothing and going to school the next day and laughing with my friends about it.

fiona12

I had the 'talk' with my eldest when he was 10.5, but not with the younger ones yet. I have a feeling they know more than we think....

Toots

I think I was about 3 when my mum told me the very very basics of it. I'd asked where babies come from and she told me about eggs and sperm and how they came to meet (not in very graphic detail), I was pretty much like 'fair enough so' and didn't think any more of it. I think I was about 8 then when she sat me down with a little book that went into a bit more detail and then at about 10 she told me a bit more about periods so I knew what to expect in case I got my first one at school or something. Then when I actually got my first period at about 12 she explained about how to tell you're getting it ie pains etc, and also how you can tell if you're fertile by the consistency of mucous etc. She also went through a lot of the various 'sex myths' like you can't get pregnant your first time, if you're on your period etc.

Mum was always very straightforward about the facts of life and that stuff, which I thought was great because I always felt I could go and ask her something and get a straight answer. We never even had names for our body parts as kids, they were just called what they were. I think I'll take the same approach with my own kid (even if it does warp him!). I think it's strange that my husband's parents never talked to any of them about it, there's 7 kids in his family, and even the sisters found out about periods from the eldest one after she got hers. He already jokes that he'll leave sex ed for the kids to me because he wouldn't have the first clue how to go about it.

deisemum

Ours were 9. My husband and older boy had a day out at a rugby match in Croke Park so were in a nice relaxed mood so my husband had a chat with him in the car on the way home.

At least in the car our son couldn't walk away and they didn't have to be looking at each other. Our son still refers to it as his worst car journey

KittyeeTrix

deisemum wrote: »

Ours were 9. My husband and older boy had a day out at a rugby match in Croke Park so were in a nice relaxed mood so my husband had a chat with him in the car on the way home.

At least in the car our son couldn't walk away and they didn't have to be looking at each other. Our son still refers to it as his worst car journey

My preferred place for the talk was in the car as well especially later at night when it is dark..... I had the chat with my sons as my husband wouldn't have covered everything.
At least in the car it is dark and like you say ye aren't staring at :Deach other

Morag

I got asked by my son when he was going to get the Talk. I asked him what Talk, he said you know about babies and stuff and I told him we had been talking about that for years.

I reminded him about the talks we had
about dna and how people get half of thier dna from each parent( when asked why my eyes are brown and his blue),
about pregnancy (when his aunt was expecting),
about cold sores and sti (when his teacher had one)
about condoms (when he asked about them ),
about periods (after the ads on the TV),
about puberty (when he started to get taller)
about contraception (when he asked do people plan families)


I pretty much pointed out all the info he all ready has and he said ah so we have been having Talks for years. There was pretty much nothing he didn't know already and neither of us ever had to endure the awkwardness of the topic coming out of the blue.

ash23

I've had a regular enough chat with my daughter over the years, answering her questions fairly honestly but age appropriately.
So she's 8 and a half now and she knows about periods, the theory of where babies come from (but not how they get there) and puberty in girls. She's well informed on the girls sexual organs but not on the male ones, although she does know the term penis.

This year I hope to discuss the actual act of sex with her and conception and also masturbation (as she has asked what masturbation is).

I prefer to do it when she's younger because it's much less awkward as she's more inquisitive than embarrassed.

CIARAN_BOYLE

My Mom asked me if I knew when I was 11. I said yes she said fine and that was the end of it.

I don't think that would be the best way to deal with it myself and when I have kids would have a talk earlier.

planetX

never had a talk - I just answer any questions as they come fairly directly, and wildlife programs do the rest. No need for it to be a big deal.

cbyrd

Never had 'the talk' with mine.. just answered questions as they popped up?? what tampons were for where babies come from.. just answered in an age appropriate way. . she had all the sex ed in 6th class but by then she pretty much had a good grasp of it.. i don't see why it all needs to be kept secret til they're deemed old enough.. if they asked i answered and only what they asked about.. no need to complicate it

The Princess Bride

I started my periods at 10 and hadn't had the "talk" so thought I was dying when I got them.

With each of my girls,I brought them out for the day for lunch/shops, mother & daughter time.(around their 10th birthdays)
We had a nice(?) chat about periods,sanitary wear etc...and in relation to sex;whatever was asked was answered. In fact,my younger daughter asked some seriously intelligent questions that I would never ever have thought of in my life.They do ask me pretty much anything they want.I think we have a good relationship and are comfortable with our chats- (but if we get our Teen Forum,no doubt I'll be on venting+++)
I'm a young mom,and can't believe they've grown up this fast & need to know all they do- but I really feel the responsibility lies with parents rather than schools.At least this way,I know exactly what they have been told

Justask

My parent never ever had any kind of talk with me, when I was nearly 10 got my period and thought I was dying :eek: Was in my nana's house and I said it to her through tears and snots and she said 'ah your grand love its just your 'Auntie'' I thought she was bloody mad :eek: App your period was called your 'Auntie' in my nana's day :rolleyes:

The chat with my son was very relaxed and honest, to be honest I think he knew more then he let on :rolleyes:

Now a days I think they learn more from the playground, parents just need to make sure they have the facts also

silly

I recently had the "period" talk with my 10 yr old... She started crying...

Fittle

Can I ask what you say to boys about periods..

My son is 9 and I've been honest with him too - he knows eggs and seeds etc, knows where the baby comes out (he used to think it came out the womans bum:p) etc...

I'm a single parent and he has no male in his life - he's also in a boys school...he has seen tampons in the house etc, but I don't know how to explain it to him, without him thinking that all women bleed to death!!! Any ideas?

He also recently asked why his will stands-up every morning...couldn't answer that one either!! Any suggestions would be very welcome!!!;)

KittyeeTrix

silly wrote: »

I recently had the "period" talk with my 10 yr old... She started crying...

Awww, my daughter informed me last week that she had started her period (she's 11 since July) so I was well glad that we had already covered this topic well in advance.

But bless her, she got very emotional as well telling me:)

ash23

Fittle, I told my daughter that every month the womb builds up some blood like a cushion for the egg to nest in as it grows. If the egg isn't met by a seed, it won't grow into a baby so there's no need for the cushion of blood and the body breaks it down and it comes out from the vagina. It takes 4 or 5 days for it all to come out but it's only a bit of blood, not loads and it's not like when you cut your finger, it's supposed to happen, it doesn't mean you're hurt or injured and it's nothing to worry about.
As for why his willy stands up, lord, I wouldn't know where to start with that one!

ETA See this http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/newscentre/2011archive/jan2011/Busy%20Bodies%20updated.html

I ordered the booklet and DVD. It has puberty for girls, for boys and sex.
I've done puberty for girls with my daughter and this year am planning on doing the rest of the booklet with her. It's done in school in 5th and 6th class, but personally I think that's too late.

KittyeeTrix

Fittle wrote: »

Can I ask what you say to boys about periods..

My son is 9 and I've been honest with him too - he knows eggs and seeds etc, knows where the baby comes out (he used to think it came out the womans bum:p) etc...

I'm a single parent and he has no male in his life - he's also in a boys school...he has seen tampons in the house etc, but I don't know how to explain it to him, without him thinking that all women bleed to death!!! Any ideas?

He also recently asked why his will stands-up every morning...couldn't answer that one either!! Any suggestions would be very welcome!!!;)

My 9 year old found a few tampax on my bedside locker about 6 months ago and opened them up thinking they were sweets of some sort. He arrives down to the sittingroom in front of everyone (hubby and 3 other kids including 2 teenage boys) to ask what they were......Morto:D

I took him to the kitchen and just explained that mum's leak a little fluid sometimes which tells them whether or not they are having a new baby. He seemed happy enough with that for now:)

Fittle

He's never really asked about what they are though...I don't know whether to tell him out of context, or wait till he brings up the subject...

Any takers on the 'willy' issue????

deisemum

When my boys were in 5th class they had the detailed talk with the teacher but each time a couple of parents hadn't discussed anything with their children and some of the girls started crying.

ash23

Fittle wrote: »

He's never really asked about what they are though...I don't know whether to tell him out of context, or wait till he brings up the subject...

Any takers on the 'willy' issue????

I'd tell him before he hears the myths from the other boys in school. If he knows the facts of life ie that the man puts the penis in the vagina, you can explain that to do this the penis has to fill with blood and get hard. And because he is getting older, the sex hormones are beginning to be produced in his body and because of this his penis is starting to get hard sometimes in preparation for when he is older.
I think the link I gave above, in the booklet, they deal with puberty and erections and wet dreams etc.

Fittle

ash23 wrote: »

I'd tell him before he hears the myths from the other boys in school. If he knows the facts of life ie that the man puts the penis in the vagina, you can explain that to do this the penis has to fill with blood and get hard. And because he is getting older, the sex hormones are beginning to be produced in his body and because of this his penis is starting to get hard sometimes in preparation for when he is older.
I think the link I gave above, in the booklet, they deal with puberty and erections and wet dreams etc.

Arrrrgghhh!! The thoughts of telling him all that:eek:

ash23

Fittle wrote: »

Arrrrgghhh!! The thoughts of telling him all that:eek:

I know, I was dreading telling my daughter about periods but we sat down with the booklet, read through the puberty and changes in girls section and she was very matter of fact and curious about the whole thing and took it in her stride.

Fittle

ash23 wrote: »

I know, I was dreading telling my daughter about periods but we sat down with the booklet, read through the puberty and changes in girls section and she was very matter of fact and curious about the whole thing and took it in her stride.

I've just had a read of it online - it's very good! I'll definitely order it and have it on standby, thanks Ash.

Morag

I'd suggest telling him that he has lots and lots of mucles in his body and they will all grow and get stronger and that the same way he has muscles to flex his arms and legs he as msucles which flex his penis and the same as any muscle when the body pumps blood to the muscle it hardens and flexes.

When we all wake up in the morning our body checks to make sure all of our muscles are ok, and that is all that is happening, and why people stretch when they get up.

Fittle

Sharrow wrote: »

When we all wake up in the morning our body checks to make sure all of our muscles are ok, and that is all that is happening, and why people stretch when they get up.

IS that actually what's happening? He's been waking like this since he's 6, so I know it's not only because on the onset of puberty...pardon my ignorance on this subject;)

Morag

When the body goes from resting / being asleep to be awake and active our hearth rate rises and so does our blood pressure, it's part of the body getting ready to wake up, completely normal and not always to do with puberty but once a boy has started to mature sexually it's like a NASA pre flight check, the body does just it to make sure everything is operating normally.

When a person wakes normally the body has ready done this pre warming, bit like a diesel engine,
it's why it's harder to get going when you get suddenly woken up.

Fittle

Sharrow wrote: »

When the body goes from resting / being asleep to be awake and active our hearth rate rises and so does our blood pressure, it's part of the body getting ready to wake up, completely normal and not always to do with puberty but once a boy has started to mature sexually it's like a NASA pre flight check, the body does just it to make sure everything is operating normally.

When a person wakes normally the body has ready done this pre warming, bit like a diesel engine,
it's why it's harder to get going when you get suddenly woken up.

After 43years on this earth, I had NO CLUE that's why men wake up like that! I obviously wasn't listening in biology!!! Thanks sharrow;)

deisemum

Sharrow wrote: »

When the body goes from resting / being asleep to be awake and active our hearth rate rises and so does our blood pressure, it's part of the body getting ready to wake up, completely normal and not always to do with puberty but once a boy has started to mature sexually it's like a NASA pre flight check, the body does just it to make sure everything is operating normally.

When a person wakes normally the body has ready done this pre warming, bit like a diesel engine,
it's why it's harder to get going when you get suddenly woken up.

Well I'll view diesel engines in a whole new light now

Fittle

I assumed every boyfriend I've ever had just REALLY fancied me early in the morning:D