So depressed

gingerhousewife

So my dad died suddenly 3 months ago and I cried for the first time on Friday night.

My mam died 16 years ago, also suddenly.

I knew when my dad died and it didn't hit me it was due to the shock and that eventually I would feel it but I don't think I expected the depression I'm now feeling.

I think I'm worse now that when he died, and the worst thing is everyone expects it in the weeks after the death, but at this stage nobody expects you to feel so bad, and you feel terrible going on about it when everyone had been there for you for months and must be sick of it at this stage.

Deki

It's not uncommon to have a delayed reaction to a loss. Sometimes there is so much to do and so many folks around you just put it out of your mind and then when things slow down a bit it falls on you. Remind yourself of good times -don't focus on "what could have been" Try to keep busy and exercise - sometimes getting out in the neighborhood and just seeing others is helpful for relieving depression- so just walking may be helpful. If it gets so bad as to keep you from taking care of usual business or causes you to avoid going out or just seems unbearable then see a counselor, but everyone grieves. There isn't any schedule to it. Each person reacts differently to death each time it affects their lives.
Give yourself time to grieve, it is the beginning of the healing process. No time constraints. Hugs to you -hoping things will be better for you soon.

SlimCi

Contact your GP and get advice re bereavement counselling etc. It really can help. My Mum will be dead 4 years in October and I am still heartbroken but its now easier to live everyday life. I did seek help from my GP and it got me through the worst of it. I still am shocked by how it had affected me since I lost my Dad when I was 12 but this seems to have been far deeper emotionally... Its probably an age thing. Reach out for help and take it when its offered. Its too hard to do alone...:)

ShaShaBear

I still have very teary episodes over my dad, who died suddenly in March. It never really goes away, and my reactions were very delayed too. I found the only time I could grieve was when I was alone, and conveniently, I got no time to myself until I moved into my new apartment in May. I've a very supportive boyfriend who loved my dad almost as much as I did, so I'm not afraid to open up to him, but it does hurt. You shouldn't be ashamed of the way you feel - he's your dad, passed on or not, and through the memories, lessons and advice you experienced when he was alive, he will still influence and guide you in the rest of your life decisions.

my friend

I will you strength that you may deal with your sorrow.

SlimCi

That is very natural I still have a bit of that four years later but it took me up to two years before the worst of it stopped. I can now say I am totally back to myself. We had just moved from Cork to Kildare before my Mum got sick, she was only sick for three weeks before we lost her, and she had never been in this house etc So I have no memories here of her or anything which makes me sad. I now have no family left in Cork though I was born there but when I go back and walk through the city I remember each and all the old shops we used to go into when I was a child. I find it really sad....

Believe it or not one thing that kind of kept my sanity was I decided to do her family genealogy and find out more about her family etc. It was a great experience and I've met loads of cousins I knew I had but had never met as my mother is from the North originally.

KKkitty

Everyone deals with a parents' death differently. Grieve in your own time and your own way. Everyone thinks they know what's best for you but from personal experience of losing my own parents 13 months between each other there's no set routine for bereavement. I still haven't properly cried for my parents yet.