freedom with a 3rd child

loishasdied

i have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and had always planned on having at least 1 more - reasons is that my siblings were 10 and 9 years older so i always felt like an only child - and my boyfriends brother died when he was 20 leaving him to be alone too - i just felt like it would be more comforting to have a third and that there'd be a bit more excitement and fun around.

even though i was reasonably healthy when pregnant, i really hated it - and mentally it didn't suit me either time - even when the baby was small i just didn't feel myself - short tempered and kind of stressed. it's only since she turned 1 that i've really felt i'm enjoying them. i breastfed my first for 6 months and on weaning he got severe eczema, so was advised to feed second baby through weaning which was 9 months - luckily she doesn't have the condition.

now a lot of my reasons for now being unsure about having a third are very selfish - i'm 27, my boyfriend 26 - we are far from financially secure, however i don't believe this would be a good enough reason to decide against it. he is happy with our 2 - a girl and a boy - it has been me who wanted more. one thing i am sure of, at this moment anyway, is that if i don't do it in the next year i won't want to start again then . i have no college education, so would like to persue this at some stage too. basically, i want to enjoy my life now, find some sort of a career and live - i can't help but feeling like having another baby will hold things up and possibly put us all under a lot of pressure, i can't figure which would be better for us and me!

now, i know every1s opinions will be different, and no1 can tell someone else what's right for them - just wondering if anyone else has thought the same as me or am i pure slefish in my thinking? i just can't help but thinking i can have the best of both worlds with 2 kids (holidays, days out, my own interests and a social life) but three will make it harder

Daisy M

Like you I always had an idea of having a set amount of children, for me it was 4. After having my third my husband was of the mindset that he was happy with that number and didnt want any more, however if it was something I really wanted he was ok to go along with that but wanted to waiy a few years. I was happy with 3 children, I felt I had my hands full but felt it was for me very managable. Like you I knew financially having another would be difficult and I was worried that I didnt have the patience for another baby. It took me a while to reconcile myself that 4 children wasnt for me. I questioned my ability and my husbands as parents when other family members went on to have baby no 4 and 5 even! But eventually I left the guilt behind and accepted that what suits others is not necessarily what will suit us. For a start they didnt have the same financial worries as us and had a little more help from family.
Op do what you feel is best for you and your family. I doubt any child thinks their family circumstances is ideal. My oldest lad often says he wishes he was an only child! His friend who is an only child thinks hes lucky to always have someone to ahng out with! I dont think you should make a concrete decision now leave it for a couple of years and decide then, that way you will always feel you have a choice. Best of luck op!

Well I'm no where near having kids yet (20 year old student, though I would love them someday) so my opinion here might be cold/detached.

You have loads of reasons to stop having kids and enjoy what you have already, and you don't seem to have any reason for a third except that it was what you imagined when you started. Between our population growth problems and the recession, two kids is probably the most logical number to stick at, not that I think that's what anyone bases their choice of having children on. Plus you'll have much more time for your 4yo and 1yo.

I know you say you felt at a disadvantage because your siblings were older than you, but the choice will still be open to you until menopause to have another child.

deisemum

If you have a 3rd child there's no guarantee that the 3 siblings will get along plus the chances of 2 ganging up on the other one are quite high.

I've got 7 sisters and 1 brother and there isn't one that gets on with everyone, there were enough of us to have a couple of gangs.

I never had any fixed idea on how many I'd like but I knew I didn't want a big family, I thought I'd try with 1 and see how it goes. I did consider having a 3rd after the second reached 18 months but something else cropped up in the meantime and once that was resolved I knew I didn't want a 3rd.

Everyone can give you opinions but it's such a personal choice that it's the couple involved whose opinion counts. It has to be what's "right" for the couple.

cynder

my advice is do it while you can, my husband got testicular cancer at 27, (we had 3 kids by then) if we had of waited the chances are we would have 0 kids now. if moneys an issue it always will be.

my eldest is 6 years older than her brother, there is only 17 months between my 2 boys. i glad it worked out that way.

as for the eczema thats not a issue, its not like its CF ( a friend of mine found out her daughter had CF and she was 8 weeks pregnant at the time if she had know before hand she owuld not have had another baby, however the baby is clear of CF). i had bad eczema and was breast fed for 12 months, neither of my brothers had it.

my 2 boys are now at school J.Infants and S. Infants its nice having them together.


Do what feels right, no one can decide but the two of you....... good luck

Quality

If your doubting having another kid then now is not a good time to have one.


You never know your curcumstances and feelings may change next year.

Put a review on it and never say never



You are only 27 so good few child rearing years in you yet

Enjoy what you have at the moment and I you change your mind go for it. Nothing is set in stone