Parent in the classroom?

Big Bag of Chips

I apologise in advance for the length of this. But would appreciate advice.

Is this a ridiculous suggestion?

My son is in SI, and just doesn't listen. Teachers are having to ask him 5, 6, 7 times to do things and he still ignores them. He is very bright, this acknowledged by the school without any suggestion from me. He is reading and spelling at approx 4th class level. (rough guide, as he is technically too young to be officially tested)

I don't think the problem is that he is tuning out because he is bored. Well he IS bored, but only because he'd rather be playing!! The main problem is, he just doesn't listen. He is the same at home. He will be thinking of something else, or replaying a game in his head etc.. but just does not hear when somebody says something to him. A day dreamer I suppose! This is an ongoing problem since JI. And now SI is starting exactly the same way.

I've already been called in to speak to his teachers about it!

His teachers cannot sit on him all day to make sure he does what they tell him.

But I can!

Would it be outrageous of me to suggest that I sit beside him for an hour/certain time/all day/a week etc to try get him into the habit of listening and responding? I know it could be a minefield with other parents deciding they want to sit in on the class too... but.. we could say I was volunteering as a classroom assistant? Or doing work experience for a course etc? (Or, just tell the truth, that I am chaperoning my troublesome son!) To me it seems like a reasonable suggestion.... but then again, I'm not a teacher!

Any teachers out there who have ever had to resort to such a thing?
Any parents who've ever done it?

We've tried rewarding, threatening, coercing, bribing! Nothing is getting through.. and I can't deal with another year of being called back almost every day.

By the way... he was the perfect student (again according to school, not me!) up until Dec of last year. Then we had the snow, and we brought out the Wii! That has been the ruining of him. So the Wii is gone, but he is still replaying Super Mario Galaxy over and over in his head and in class with anything he can get his hands on as props! That's the source of the problem, so I'm hoping with that gone we can get him back to "normal"!

An Bradán Feasa

It's a nice suggestion, but it could prove a distraction for other pupils knowing that a parent was in the classroom.

byhookorbycrook

I undestand where you are coming from but I doubt any school would allow this. It doesn't solve the problem.He won't have someone beside him all through school to keep him on task.Plus other parents mightn't like it to know that a parent of a classmate is in the room and listening to what teacher says.

E.T.

I definitely wouldn't be happy as a teacher to have that situation. I wouldn't be bothered about having another adult watch me teaching, we're used to inspectors, SNAs, students.

There are many different reasons, but the main one is childrens' privacy. If a child has a problem in any area (educationally, socially, physically), that should remain between the teacher, child and child's parent. It just wouldn't be appropriate to have any of the children's parents remain in the classroom.

I think it would be of more benefit if you work with him at home on listening and responding. One suggestion I give for children who have problems paying attention is to give them simple tasks at home, and gradually add more parts and complexity to the task. eg Get me a teddy from your room; get me (a specific) teddy from your room, get me a (specific) teddy and a book from your room.

Just occurred to me - may be a long shot, but have you had his hearing tested?

Big Bag of Chips

Thanks all.

Yeah as I was reading it back it came across as a hearing problem too.. but I honestly don't think it's that. He just has too much going on in his head!!

I feel sorry for the teacher. I know it's not her fault, but she has a class of over 30 (JI and SI mixed) and I am thinking would he benefit more from a smaller class size. We're even considering home schooling as an option! (seriously!)

I just don't know what to do anymore. The teacher obviously hasn't too many ideas either.

I have been trying to get him to concentrate on small things the last couple of nights. Playing a simple game of cards, reading a book with him etc. So I will continue with that line. But his mind is always on that bloody Super Mario Galaxy!

My own fault for introducing him to it... now we just need to de-program him!

ShamoBuc

It's very hard to know what to do in this situation. I know you said you got rid of the game, but if he is continuing the game over and over again in his head is it possibly worth re-introducing it? While you said you tried bribing/coercing him, did you use the game as the bribe? If teacher said you listened very well today you get 30 mins, listened well 20 mins, made a good effort at you listening 10 mins, needs to work harder at listening 0 mins.
Taking it away completely - cold turkey- might have caused the problem. Maybe he needs to finish the game - get it out of his system and he won't stop practising/acting the game out, until he does. I know giving him the game(problem) back might sound wrong but on a limited basis it might be worth a try.
Sitting next to him would be a no-no for me, for many of the reasons mentioned already.

The Black Oil

I probably don't need to tell you this, but most computer games have a hook, at least ones aimed at older groups do. Do you know why he likes this particular game? If there's any of its characteristics (fun, interactive, etc) that might transfer to another task or activity. Sounds like you've tried a few things, though. How was he in JI, did you find it easier to get him ready Mon-Fri so he would have his 'school head' on as such? Not a parent or a teacher, but some family/friends have said they limit things like playstation games to the weekend or 20 minute blocks. I think your initial suggestion might backfire (re being in a classroom), but try not to beat yourself up, if it's not SMG, you can be sure something will be top of the market come Christmas...hard to avoid.

SlimCi

I wrote a post on another site a couple of years ago exactly the same as this!! We eventually had to get our young man assessed as he was disruptive as well. He was in JI and I was called in every second day or at least once a week! Anyway we had him assessed and it turned out he was in the 98th percentile for his age. Short story (I hate using this sentence it makes people think we are cocky about it!) he has turned out to be gifted. Check out the website giftedkids.ie for characteristics and traits of gifted kids. He probably needs some more stimulating interesting kind of work. Hopefully your school will be able to provide that if that is what it turns out to be. Mine isn't and we have to provide the stimulating stuff at home ourselves and he goes to the Centre for Talented Youth in DCU. Meanwhile I told the teacher that if she wasn't providing stimulating, enriching stuff for him to do then she was going to have to find a way herself to deal with the disruptive behaviour. I ended up on anti depressants being called in every day and made to feel like a criminal! I was at the end of my tether telling her this...but it seems to have worked and he respects and likes her. We have also found the omega 3 good for the concentration and you know its not something they automatically know how to do, they need to be taught how. You could practice getting him to spend 10 mins a day doing something like a lego man or jigsaw puzzle this would help matters greatly. Good luck, I hope it works out for you, it can be a worrying time. Poor little mite obviously isn't enjoying school.

Big Bag of Chips

Yeah the game was limited during school last year and even during summer holidays to weekend only.

To be honest it's only gone since last weekend (!), and yesterday we had a chat about not playing it now until Halloween and he's not one bit bothered by that. He is a very intense little chap. He's a real "all or nothing"! And he goes through phases of almost obsessions with things, and then they fade and he moves onto something else.

For instance, one obsession he had for a while was Christy Moore! As soon as we'd get in the car he'd want a specific few songs on. This went on for a few months until I "lost" the CD, and he moved onto something else.

So I am hoping with a bit of distraction towards something else he will forget about Mario!

He just keeps playing the galaxies over and over with little toys. He makes up his own galaxies, and how Mario has to collect coins, and go through pipes and all the usual Mario stuff! He's really good at the game. Much to my shame. Too good for someone who's only 5! He goes to friends houses now, some who are a bit older than him and they get him to complete levels that they are stuck on!

Well I suppose if all else fails he can just leave school and become a software developer, or at least a tester!

Thanks to all, seriously, the replies have been lovely and helpful too. If anyone else has anything they think might help a little bit I will gladly hear it!

Big Bag of Chips

Sorry SlimCi, missed your post.

I know he is quite intelligent. I'm not sure about "gifted", maybe he is, maybe he isn't.. but I have nothing to measure him against! His teacher has said she has never seen anyone like him (this was in the early days when he was good - now she'd probably say the same thing, but for different reasons!)

I know he is bored in school. He tells me he is.. and the other day she showed me the work that she tried to get him to do that she had to ask him numerous times over half an hour. It was 3 pages of letters that he had to copy 6 or 7 times across the page. He had only done the first 2 letters. He hates this sort of work. (He can read Harry Potter books.. with a little help!)

Now I accept that if that is the work the class are doing, that he needs to do it. But I also think she should by now be more aware of what he is capable of, and maybe give him something a little bit different.. or not push for him to do stuff that she knows is a doddle for him.

I think it is a little too simplistic though to say he is switching off because he is bored with the work. He is switching off because he just doesn't listen! But I suppose he doesn't listen because they are not doing or saying anything that catches his attention and interests him!

Agh, I don't know...
How/where did you get him assessed? We were told by the school that he wouldn't be assessed until at least 1st class. Did you go privately somewhere?

SlimCi

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Sorry SlimCi, missed your post.

I know he is quite intelligent. I'm not sure about "gifted", maybe he is, maybe he isn't.. but I have nothing to measure him against! His teacher has said she has never seen anyone like him (this was in the early days when he was good - now she'd probably say the same thing, but for different reasons!)

I know he is bored in school. He tells me he is.. and the other day she showed me the work that she tried to get him to do that she had to ask him numerous times over half an hour. It was 3 pages of letters that he had to copy 6 or 7 times across the page. He had only done the first 2 letters. He hates this sort of work. (He can read Harry Potter books.. with a little help!)

Now I accept that if that is the work the class are doing, that he needs to do it. But I also think she should by now be more aware of what he is capable of, and maybe give him something a little bit different.. or not push for him to do stuff that she knows is a doddle for him.

I think it is a little too simplistic though to say he is switching off because he is bored with the work. He is switching off because he just doesn't listen! But I suppose he doesn't listen because they are not doing or saying anything that catches his attention and interests him!

Agh, I don't know...
How/where did you get him assessed? We were told by the school that he wouldn't be assessed until at least 1st class. Did you go privately somewhere?

Yes the school gave us a recommendation for a lady in Callan Co Kilkenny, very nice lady. If you PM me I will give you her name. We did go privately and it cost 650.00 but was so worth it as the school kept saying to me oh he has ADHD and they nearly drove me mad! So that definitely shut them up and the report gave loads of recommendations etc which they could use with him. He sounds so like my little boy, my little boy hates repetition, he has almost a photographic memory and can't bear to do stuff more than once. If the teacher says she's never seen anything like him for brightness, listen to her.....have a look on the gifted kids website, honestly its a great help. Concentration is very hard for some kids. Don't be too hard on him though my guy's self esteem was destroyed from being put in time out and constantly being in trouble in home and school. It has changed now though and he is getting much better as he matures.....:D They did say he was too young for a definite diagnosis for ADHD etc but not to young to assess his intelligence IYGWIM

Big Bag of Chips

Thanks again SlimCi. It's funny, I often say my fella seems to have an almost photographic memory too! He picks things up so easily. The teacher was saying even Irish. She'd say something, maybe not mention it for a week or more. Say it again and he'd be the only one who'd know what she was talking about.

I am quite close to Callan, so will pm you, thank you so much for that.

Today is another day and I sent him off full of smiles (and a smiley mammy!) and loads of praise for getting dressed when having only been asked once, and putting his shoes on etc. I hate giving out to him.. and he hates being given out to!

But sometimes I feel there's no option.

Ayla

OP - You've gotten some good points here so I won't add much. But you did mention your consideration of Home Ed...that's not a bad idea at all if you & your family are up for it. You know your son has special learning styles that are not being catered to in traditional schooling. By home edding you can 100% use his skills & interests to get him interested & involved in his learning. He's enthusiastic & obviously bright - take advantage of this!

Big Bag of Chips

Thanks Ayla, that's just it. His brain works differently to most people his age! I'm very slow to say he's "gifted". I truely genuinely don't know if he is.. he appears to have many of the characteristics, BUT.. I hear many many people talk about their "really bright fella, who'd buy and sell ya, and knows this that and the other..." and I wonder is my fella just that too!

But.. he does seem to operate differently, and analyse and question differently to other kids I know. And I fully accept that schools have their way of doing things and set rules and formats they must follow.. and maybe that just doesn't suit him. Nobodies fault. Nobody's wrong.. but it just doesn't suit him?

Have you experience of homeschooling, do you mind me asking? I know absolutely nothing about it - but it could be an option for us. I'd be capable of doing it, and I am at home. You can pm me if you have any details or information that might be of help to me.

Would homeschooling even for a year to work on his concentration levels and then sending him back to "traditional" school be a step backwards? Would it be detrimental to him? Should it be an "all or nothing" sort of thing?

byhookorbycrook

pm-ing you

Ayla

We are currenly home educating our eldest daughter who will be 5 in november. We have several reasons for this, but the main one being that we feel that - just like you said - every child has different needs/learning styles and through no fault of the schools/teachers, each child cannot possibly be catered to personally.

We are personally taking this Home Ed thing one-year-at-a-time, which is very common among home ed families. There's a great article written recently in The Business post about home ed:http://www.sbpost.ie/agenda/in-a-class-of-their-own-58228.html#.TmlcvAiGlaA.facebook

Also, the home education network (www.heneire.org) is available for info & support. And a FB group page has recently started (search for Irish Home Education). You are welcome to ask any questions you have & speak to people who are home educating their children to see if it would work for your family.

Big Bag of Chips

Thank you, Ayla. So much! I read the article and feel like a weight has been lifted. I'm not saying that we will definitely go for it, but knowing that it is an option, and an easily attainable option, is such a relief.

I am willing to give it until Halloween, or maybe Christmas, after that if things aren't improving at all I will go for it.

Thank you, sincerely.

The Black Oil

I can't comment on home schooling, but if you're concerned about assessments, your school would probably have a link with NEPS. However, be mindful that this is not always a straightforward process. The Dept would only grant my relative's school 7-8 assessments per year. This was in pre-recession times and sometimes if you don't use one of the Dept's own recognised assessors there can be additional red tape if support is required. Wonder how common this is, not sure. Of course, there's the private route as mentioned above. I suppose one thing to think about, though, is whether you would get much out of assessment in the sense that would how your little fella do on the tests actually give you much insight. Not to knock his abilities, by the way, just whether you'd get a sense of the bigger picture, but of course, if something is going on then early intervention is important.

Good luck.

Big Bag of Chips

I would have thought early intervention was important too.. but apparently not! I have asked the school about having him assessed and was told he wouldn't be assessed until at least 1st class, because up until then he would be classed as "still young and he might grow out of it".

Now that it has been ongoing, I suggested again some sort of assessment.. and was told the same thing!

(Edit: his teacher also tells me that in a classroom with 30+ she hasn't time to handle him differently or treat him differently to the others. Understandably. Which makes me wonder what help an assessment would actually be.. if she hasn't time to do things now, she'll hardly suddenly have time to follow any recommendations that may be made after an assessment??)

To be honest at this stage I have relaxed about it. This might be the wrong attitude to adopt but... He is not missing out on education as he is so far ahead. I am going to stop worrying about it. It consumes most of my thoughts! If in the next couple of months he settles down and "grows out of it", I will leave things be. If not I will take him out until he is ready, and has "grown out of it" !