What the hell am I doing!

46w

Im back again. Told ye before how I fell for this bisexual guy (who Im pretty sure is actually gay) a while back, we had been f**k buddies for the best part of 2 years. He didnt seem to feel the same as I did so I ended it with him about 2 months ago. I started seeing another guy, we got on very well but decided it wasnt working so mutually ended it. I then met the first guy again one night and told him I had made a big mistake in ending it and wanted to get back to the way we were. He said he felt the same. Problem is I still love him (I think). Ive met him twice since now but havent said anythong about where we are going or anything like that. Should I just try and supress my love for him or shud I tell him the truth?
Im afraid that if I do Ill scare him off. I think Ill just keep meeting him as a f**k buddy and try and hold in my real feelings. Is this the best thing to do? any ideas?

floggg

Why would you do that? You'll only make yourself miserable meeting up with him knowing you want more but that hes not interested.

I don't like inter meddling in others relationships where I don't know them, but ask yourself is he worth making yourself miserable just for the sake of some casual sex every now and then?

Would you not be better off trying to find somebody who wants the same things you do?

46w

problem is i cant find anyone else i really really like that i can be with properly....

wealthyman

46w wrote: »

problem is i cant find anyone else i really really like that i can be with properly....

What a complete load of rubbish :rolleyes: Get yourself out there and start to broaden your horizons, otherwise you won't meet anyone you like. Don't be wasting your time with this guy if he doesn't feel the same way, find someone who feels the same way about you, it can be done and only you can do it.

46w

easier said than done. I love him...

aiseiri47

Maybe you should tell him you love him - if it frightens him away, you're better off. Because there is no point in "taking what you can get" from someone who doesn't feel about you the way you do about him.

But it's also important to consider if you really love him. (You said in your OP, "I think", so it's sounds as if you're unsure.) How involved was your relationship? Were you really just f**k buddies - or do you know him as a person, his goals, ambitions, beliefs, principles? If you don't know these things, it's hard to say you love him. He could turn out to be totally okay with things you're totally against, or vice-versa. His worst attribute could be something you simply can't tolerate in people (EX: I personally can't stand people who think that social issues are unimportant, that people who really believe in change are just "making a big deal out of nothing". I couldn't love someone who was like that - but it might take me a while to realise that's what someone is like). You need to have a relationship that's about more than sex to know if you love someone.

What's possible is that you have lust for him, and want to have something more. And, he doesn't, which means your feelings are unrequited, probably doubling their intensity and making you feel like you're in love, when really you're just wanting something you can't have (or think you can't have).

All I know is keeping quiet and having a relationship with him that is less than what you want is deeply unfair to you. You are worth more than that.

My advice to you would be forget about him and take some time to yourself - learn to be happy being alone, and you're much less likely to compromise your self-worth to be with someone who doesn't share your feelings.

stephen_n

Are you prepared to sell yourself short indefinitely? You want this to be something and who knows perhaps it might be but if you can't be honest about what you would like it to be, how will it ever be anything? You are not responsible for him but you are very much responsible for yourself in this and that responsibility requires you being man enough to say what you want! Then see what happens, if he can't give you what you want then there is no pointing deluding yourself if you hang around long enough that will change! All you will achieve is deepening your need for him and making the inevitable break up more painful for you!

46w

Thanks, your right in everytjing u say... I think it probably is infatuation or lust I have for him. I dont know him very well personality wise. I did break it off with him for over a month, my feelings were still as strong for him. We both told each other we loved each other a few times in bed, I dont know what exactly he meant by it, was it me he loved or the great time we were having. When I broke it off with him for the few weeks I thought about him every day, my feelings didnt wein for him. He is a very quiet person, its hard to get inside his head, I think that is the way he is, its not just with me he is being like that.
Oh god I dont know, I think Im goin to continue seeing him like I am now for another while and if nothing more happens by the end of the year Ill have to just call the whole thing off

wayfarers

I'm in agreement with some of the other posts on here suggesting you're selling yourself short. Without being too cold and unfeeling about the situation being a f**k buddy is basically about convenience. Do you want to be in this situation in a year or two years or a whole bundle of years time? How many great guys will you potentially have missed out on who actually do care for you and see you as more than just a handy sh@g? Ok you love him but if he doesn't love you you're killing yourself inside slowly. You need to kick the habit; delete his number, email address etc. From the sounds of it you aren't giving yourself or any other guys you meet a proper chance 'cause you're fixated with this guy. He wants you as a f**k buddy, you want more, its a disaster really and you're the one suffering most. Ask yourself some really hard questions; does your f**k buddy pine for you in the same way you do for him? Is he boning other guys and only calling on you when its 2 in the morning and he has the horn? Its time to go cold turkey. Have you mates you can go out with? You need mates to keep you occupied and get out there and find someone with a bit more potential.