Meeting a boyfriend

087

This is my first post on boards. Basically Im alone and lonely. Im a 32 year old country guy. Im gay and not really out as such, a few close friends know, thats all. Im looking for a boyfriend, someone I can just be with and confide in, all that sort of thing. Im on gaydar the last few years and Ive met so many eejits on it its sad. In saying that tho, I have also met some lovely lads but no one who I want to be with as a boyfriend. Where can I go, what can I do?. Its so depressing being alone. Im not into camp guys, I want to meet someone who isnt a queen or a bitch, just a normal every day guy. Im also more attracted to guys a few years, maybe 3 or 4, younger than me. Where can I find this someone?......

Galwaystar

If you find out, let me know. Ive exactly the same experience..

L.Jenkins

Anywhere really. Just have to broaden your search. Even go on holidays to a few gay destination.

Annasopra

087 wrote: »

This is my first post on boards. Basically Im alone and lonely. Im a 32 year old country guy. Im gay and not really out as such, a few close friends know, thats all. Im looking for a boyfriend, someone I can just be with and confide in, all that sort of thing. Im on gaydar the last few years and Ive met so many eejits on it its sad. In saying that tho, I have also met some lovely lads but no one who I want to be with as a boyfriend. Where can I go, what can I do?. Its so depressing being alone. Im not into camp guys, I want to meet someone who isnt a queen or a bitch, just a normal every day guy. Im also more attracted to guys a few years, maybe 3 or 4, younger than me. Where can I find this someone?......

Where in the country are you talking about? There are groups all over Ireland in Westmeath, Tipperary, Cavan, Galway, Mayo, Letterkenny, Waterford

corked

i wouldn't rule out the online option - plenty more sites out there than gaydar like OKCupid and some of the regions have websites similar to boards.ie

I met an ex online and we went out for over 2 yrs - also 1 in 4 marriages are through online dating.
Keep that option open.

also worth looking up your local resource centre they might be able point you in the right direction for social groups.

cgcsb

when you find out where all the sane men are at, give me a shout.

Sam Tyler

I hear what your saying buddy! Ive been looking for something similar too and as off yet no luck!

wayfarers

Hi OP, the common consensus from looking at replies to your question seems to be there are lots of guys in the same situation as you. I think the problem is the majority of gay guys who are able to head to the big schmoke as soon as they can if they don't have commitments that would keep them in their home town or village. Looking at different areas on Gaydar its very telling that the majority of guys with profile pics are based in the cities whereas those in smaller more ruralised areas don't have face pictures. Someone suggested you try holidaying in a gay destination which is actually a great idea, what's to say you don't meet other Irish guys there. If there's one thing we Irish are good at its spotting a fellow paddy abroad.

Sam Tyler

Maybe we should set up our own group of like minded guys looking for similar?!!

wayfarers

Sam Tyler wrote: »

Maybe we should set up our own group of like minded guys looking for similar?!!

I'm betting the thinking behind Gaydar was something similar to what you're suggesting but is essentially a facility for finding an easy lay. You'll always find sites designed specifically for relationships being used by people looking for sex only.

087

wayfarers wrote: »

I'm betting the thinking behind Gaydar was something similar to what you're suggesting but is essentially a facility for finding an easy lay. You'll always find sites designed specifically for relationships being used by people looking for sex only.

Well what other sites would you suggest apart from gaydar?

wayfarers

087 wrote: »

Well what other sites would you suggest apart from gaydar?

Is there a guys meet guys section on match.com or any of those sites advertised pretty heavily in the straight community? match.com tends to advertise itself as a place to find a long term partner. I have nothing against Gaydar, it serves its function but the majority of guys on it use it for finding sex.

Sam Tyler

You cant be that feeling of seeing a guy in a club or bar and that instant attraction.
Then the thrill of the chase! You don't get that of the internet, especially when replying to a profile with no picture or personal information.

checkcheek

just stop looking and something will happen, i was single not bothered about having or wanting a boyfriend, then one day it kinda just all fell into place and i foundmy guy!!!

And sure your only 32, plenty more time and plenty of fish in the sea

jaffacakesyum

checkcheek wrote: »

just stop looking and something will happen, i was single not bothered about having or wanting a boyfriend, then one day it kinda just all fell into place and i foundmy guy!!!

And sure your only 32, plenty more time and plenty of fish in the sea

With a little help from me of course.

Still taking credit for that

WonderWoman!

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

With a little help from me of course.

Still taking credit for that

blowing your own trumpet I see :rolleyes:

Take it easy OP! when you stop looking for love , it finds you

Sam Tyler

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

With a little help from me of course.

Still taking credit for that

You something of a matchmaker??!!

Could do with a helping hand!!;)

WonderWoman!

Sam Tyler wrote: »

You something of a matchmaker??!!

Could do with a helping hand!!;)

No she's not Irelands answer to Cilla Black regardless of how she thinks

AodhDub

I really don't agree with the "stop looking and it'll happen" approach. Since you're not out, and I'm assuming you don't go to gay bars, you're quite unlikely to just bump into your match. And even if you do, he won't know you're into lads.

You've gotta be a bit active. For me the face-to-face approach is by far the best way, online people either don't reply or have the ability to mask their real personalities...

Maybe www.plentyoffish.com would be worth a look. I'm on it, but I'm still looking for that elusive normal guy who likes football...and walks in the park.

ongarboy

I really think meeting your soulmate/otherhalf online is a one in a million possibility. I would think 95+% of couples have met through unplanned/accidental face to face contact (bars/clubs/social or sports/work/on the street/introductions from friends etc). If you are relying on online, you are hoping for a connection where the odds are so slim.

I'm not ruling it out altogether as an outlet, just that the real scenarios I listed above will give far more chance of meeting that special someone. In the real world you make eye contact with dozens of people daily (many of which you might like the look of and a smaller number again who will mutually feel the same way which creates that opportunity for taking it further). By seeking out a soulmate online, you can conduct a great online banter but then meet them and the physical chemistry is just not there. There is something too calculated about it which IMO can kill the opportunity before it can even arise.

I would still recommend online for forming friends (although real world contact is still better) as forming platonic friendships means there is less of an agenda and expectation so less chance of disappointment. I know for our more rural cousins, face to face connections can be more difficult, hence the online route but I do think the more platonic friends you make, the more opportunities for accidentally bumping into/making a connection with that special someone. (ie more socialising opportunities/weekends away/group and sporting activites etc).

OP - try finding out the nearest social groups to where you live and focus on making new friends and not particularly on a partner as otherwise the enjoyment of every social outing you partake in will be dictated by whether you find someone or not.. which should not be the case.

Sir Ophiuchus

087 wrote: »

Well what other sites would you suggest apart from gaydar?

For dating? OKCupid or maybe Gaire.

LegacyUser

There's some truth to the saying "it's when you least expect it".
I met my husband (we live in Canada) when out with friends on holidays.... wasn't looking, but there he was... a handsome American/Vietnamese guy. And that was 16 years ago........ still going.
So don't give up hope....... Mr Right as opposed to Mr Right Now is out there.

WonderWoman!

irishcanadien wrote: »

There's some truth to the saying "it's when you least expect it".
I met my husband (we live in Canada)

I shall be joining you in a few months time (not literally )

L1011

AodhDub wrote: »

but I'm still looking for that elusive normal guy who likes football....

I've shares in a football club; but himself said I'm not allowed date anyone else

checkcheek

irishcanadien wrote: »

Mr Right as opposed to Mr Right Now is out there.

i like that taught, but i have my mr right and i have him now so im happy

AodhDub

MYOB wrote: »

I've shares in a football club; but himself said I'm not allowed date anyone else

But what about the walks in the park? Ah sure not to worry. Fidelity is probably another condition anyway.

gibson

I can completely relate to the OP, different circumstances but same outcome! Im from Dublin and im 27 and ive found it very difficult to meet someone. Im out and Ive done the whole gay bar thing and online thing but maybe im looking at the wrong sites!

The only sites I really know are gaydar and manhunt. they seem to have the biggest following....but possibly not for the reason i want!

What other sites do people use that are decent? Ive tried maybefriends but theres not too many gay guys that are active on that site. Ive tried a few others as well and same outcome.

Im not looking for a quickie, like others have said im looking for something more. The idea of "dont go looking" it'll come along, does have some truth but my god it gets frustrating while youre waiting!!