Am I too Old to have a baby at 43?

tooold

Maybe someone could help, I have just turned 43 my oh is 49 we have a daughter age 6 she keeps asking me about a brother or sister, It breaks my heart. My worry is that we are now both too old apart from even thinking about the pregnancy problems and chance of the baby not being perfect. My big concern is that I would be sixty when the child turns 17 and my partner would be 66 this seem incredibly old, however, it just that my daughter will be on her own and we had never intended her being an only child it's just the timing was never right and there's also all the financial implications involved. Any advise please would be greatly appreciated.:(

Younganne

you have to do what is right for yourself and your family. 43 is not too old but if you decide to try for another its a decision that you need to make soon as there could be problems.

Think of how you will feel in 5 yrs if you decide not to have another child, you'll never regret having a child but might regret not having/ or trying for another.

woggie

Plenty of women have babies in their 40's, i myself have had one and am currently ttc another. The problems, as i see it are threefold:

First up - I'm sure you know about the issues with eggs etc and that it might take you a bit longer to conceive this time. i'm definitely seeing it myself! Had the first 2 without even trying, third one is proving tricky :rolleyes:

Secondly - you're going to have worries over abnormalities such as down syndrom - my gp has told me that he sees far more downs babies born to women in their 30's than their 40's - now, granted those statistics are skewed because there would be more women having babies in their 30's anyway. But even so - there's a lot more things that can go wrong during your pg than having a ds baby, and these things can happen at any age. Nobody knows for sure until the baby is born if they're going to be ok health wise.

Thirdly - and this is one i definitely experianced - babies are HARDWORK and being pregnant takes it out of you! I was 26 having my first child and sailed through it, I absolutely loved being pregnant and was never sick. At 39 on my 2nd I suffered with lots of complaints (siatic, back pain, placenta praevia, premature baby) ...i really did NOT enjoy it at all, and when little man was born i was soooo tired for the first few months it was really hard to cope. That said, i kinda feel the tiredness etc was because i'd been out of the baby game for so long it was a big shock to the system. this time round i'm still up to my eyes in nappies and bottles (although thankfully we're getting full nights sleep) so doesn't seem like it's going to be such a shocker!

If your daughter is 6 and assuming you get pg straight away then she'll be 7 before the baby is born and another year or two after that before the baby will be properly communicating with her ...so it's unlikely they'll be bossum buddies, but she will enjoy the baby either way (it'll be a new dolly!) and she will enjoy being a 'big' sister!

I wouldn't worry about you being 60 when they turn 17 - it is NOT that old! if you're an active couple that take care of themselves you will still be able to be seen in public with your child and to be honest i bet there will be plenty of other parents in the same age bracket. More and more ppl are choosing to have babies later in life. Kids have a really bad idea of ages anyway - I've seen some of my daughter's teachers and they look like 21 and when I ask my daughter how old she thinks they are she says 'i dunno, old' (she is 15 herself!) similarily i've seen some that i know are in their 40's and my daughter says they look waaaaay older than me (which makes me feel very good! )


Sorry...this is turning into an epic! ...I just think you shouldn't over think it, if your gut instinct is telling you to have a baby then you need to go for it now....as previous poster said you'll never regret the child you have only the one you didn't have!
best of luck

catch me if you can

43 is not to old. but if your goina do it , do it now.

uriah

tooold wrote: »

Maybe someone could help, I have just turned 43 my oh is 49 we have a DS age 6 she keeps asking me about a brother or sister, It breaks my heart. My worry is that we are now both too old apart from even thinking about the pregnancy problems and chance of the baby not being perfect. My big concern is that I would be sixty when the child turns 17 and my oh would be 66 this seem incredibly old, however, it just that my ds will be on her own and we had never intended her being an only child it's just the timing was never right and there's also all the financial implications involved. Any advise please would be greatly appreciated.:(

There's no guarrantee of perfection no matter what the age of the mother.

Cat Melodeon

If you are healthy and it feels right for you and your family, then go for it. The age gap between them isn't exactly massive - I come from a family of 5, with 20 years between my eldest and youngest siblings, an average of 5 years between each of us, and we are all very close. My mum was 43 when she had the youngest and said that was her easiest pregnancy. In terms of how old you will be when your child is a teen, as long as you have a good relationship and don't turn into an old biddy, it's irrelevant. Horrible things happen - my own mum died when the youngest was only 4, but the eldest was only 24, so that was hardly 'fair' on any of us. You could live to 100 or be dead next year, so there's no point planning life around the what-ifs, you can only live for an assumed future.

Do consider everything when making your decision (finances, personal health, how much of a change you feel you could cope with) but don't be put off by the age thing in and of itself.