Baby in bed...yay or nay?

qwertytlk

Just wondering what people think of having the baby in bed with you, good or bad idea? Do yoy find it makes it harder to get them to sleep on their own if you always have them in bed? Personally dont think its a good idea, unless to get him to go back asleep for an hour in the morning, whereas if my other half had it his way our son would be in with us every night!

Toots

My mum did it with me and she said it was the biggest mistake ever, because it took her the guts of a year to get me to sleep in my own bed. My dad used to have to go abroad for weeks at a time so she'd bring me in but then it got to the point where I wouldn't sleep anywhere else, and would take up the whole bed! Poor Dad had to sleep on the couch a few nights when I took over his side of the bed and (while asleep) punched him in the eye when he tried to move me. I'd say the odd night, maybe if baba isn't well or something, would be ok, but don't make a habit of it. Some kids seem to go between their own beds and their parents bed with no fuss but I know from what my own mum has told me and from what friends/relatives have experienced, that's not always the case.

How Strange

I'm personally in favour of it especially if you're breastfeeding as you'll get alot more sleep if your baby is beside you. I listened to alll the 'making a rod for your back' comments but did what suited me and my baby.

My son actually didn't like cosleeping so we moved him into his own room at 6.5 months. It was getting to the stage where we were all keeping each other
awake.

If I have a second baby he/she will definitely cosleep with me through the newborn phase but it's nice to get your bed back too so I'd probably move him/her at 6 months into their own
room.

I suppose you do what suits your family.

xzanti

We used to bring our little guy into the bed with us after his early morning feed (6am onwards) he would always snuggle into me and go back asleep for an hour or two..

We moved him into his own room at 4 months and he went in with no problems at all, infact he seems to like having his own space.. I don't think bringing him into our bed made him in any way clingy or anything like that..

Although, having said that, I know a couple who's 2 boys (3 and 4) still insist on sleeping in their bed with them :eek:

Zambia

Its on the list of things not to do here as it can cause SIDS. But I have to admit to the hour in the morning.

liamo

There are studies that show that co-sleeping can reduce SIDS incidence. There have been various explanations offered for this : the sounds of parents breathing reinforces the baby's breathing; the parents are very aware of the baby and can react to any incident, eg choking. etc etc etc.

Safe co-sleeping is the key. No booze or drugs while sharing a bed with baby! Watch out for suffocation risks with quilts and blankets near the baby's face. Take care that the baby doesn't overheat in the bed. All common sense stuff.

Our little girl used to sleep in our bed all night. She is now 9 months old and goes to bed at 7:30pm in her cot. When she wakes up for a feed at about midnight she comes into our bed and stays there till morning. At some point she'll stay in her cot most of the night for most nights. And eventually, she'll be in her own bed all night every night. I'm happy with that.

And, of course, whatever suits the specific family circumstances is the right thing no matter what anyone else says.

Zambia wrote: »

Its on the list of things not to do here as it can cause SIDS. But I have to admit to the hour in the morning.

How Strange

+1 liamo. Cosleeping is common in most cultures. It's people's lifestyles which make cosleeping dangerous.

Chocolate fiend

We did it up until last Saturday with our now 3.5 year old. He got his own bed on Saturday and moved into his own room without any problems.

I enjoyed co-sleeping for about 3 years, but, in recent times I felt like we needed a break from each other at night.

I will never regret it, and I am due a baby in March who will co-sleep with us.

Moonbeam

3.5 years to me is ott but that is just my personal opinion.
For the 1st few weeks I would take my baby in to sleep beside me,the world is a scary place when you are only new to it all and the occasional time I will take my 7 month in beside me if she is upset.

There is proof for and against co-sleeping in relation to sids.

Vego

My little one sleeps in the cot till about 5 in the morning then comes into the bed till seven

Mothman

How Strange wrote: »

I suppose you do what suits your family.

liamo wrote: »

And, of course, whatever suits the specific family circumstances is the right thing no matter what anyone else says.

Both the above.
My daughter left family bed when she was 6. My son is still in the bed and he's nearly 6.
It's a big bed!

We did extended nursing and it is I believe by far the easiest to have them in family bed.

Das Kitty

We coslept. Didn't have a bother moving him out. I don't know if it was our particular child but quite a few of my friends had the same experience. I had a lot of people saying "you'll never get him out," but not one of those people had that experience themselves oddly.

When he was teething recently we'd bring him in when he'd wake crying for a few hours. When he went back to sleeping the night I missed him. I still miss him sleeping next to me.

Cat Melodeon

We coslept too. He went between the bed and the cosleeper crib, depending on which side I was feeding him from. It worked the finest until he was about 7.5 months, then we moved him into the cot (still in our room) and I worked towards him spending most of the night in his own bed. I never planned on putting him in his own room until he was a year old in any case, so we took it gradually. For the first month in his own room he would occasionally come into the bed with us early in the morning. He's 2 now and has been great to sleep since then, rarely wakes in the night or looks to come in (only when badly teething or ill). It all depends on what kind of kid you have and what suits your own lifestyle - we're non-smokers, and were non-drinkers as long as he slept with us. Some babies are very clingy and might be hard to get out of the bed when the time comes, but that wasn't our experience at all.

wmpdd3

I ended up do it, even though I didnt plan on doing it. I started as soon as I got out of hospital, she hated the crib. As soon as I put her beside me in the bed she was asleep. I was amazed how you are mostly asleep but if she as much as missed a breath, I'd wake up. I did end up sleeping in really odd positions so she has enough room and not using a pillow for 3 months nearly killed me.

As above, non-smoker and non-drinker all that time. In the day she napped in her chair as I couldn't put her in the bed on her own. She had reflux and would still writh in the chair.

At 3 months she started to sleep for 6 hrs so we tried her and she took to her crib first time.

She hasnt been in our bed once since, she's way too rough, we'd be covered in bruises.

Kent Brockman

All children are different and alot of what happens or how it happens is down to the child.

We felt we were bad parents because of all the bed hopping that went on in our house, but we had a sick baby.
A friend had 2 babies who were great sleepers and seemed to have a relatively easy life and everyone admired the mother for how great she was as a mother and for keeping the kids in routines etc.

Then their 3rd child was a nightmare for sleeping and they had a lot of trouble coping (no 14hr a night sleeps + 2 naps in the day:rolleyes: ). They couldn't understand what was wrong as they were doing everything the same as they had for the other 2, and thankfully it proved to the rest of us that they were just lucky with the first two and it had nothing to do with good or bad parenting.

Bottom line IMO you do whatever you have to to get as much sleep as you can, in order to cope the following morning (going to work, school or looking after the kids/house etc.) It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks if they are not involved. Best of luck

RubyGirl

My daughter slept in her own cot up until I moved her into her big bed. She discovered she could climb out of it and come over to us. She'll go to sleep in our bed, I'll mover her when she's asleep and she'll be over again about 2am.

So now I just leave her in our bed, she's 3.5 now, she has a better sleep and so do I. She'll eventually move into her own bed but I'm in no rush tbh.

foxinsocks

With my first, up until about 6 months she'd fall asleep with us, then we'd move her into her cot. After that, until she was just over 2 years old, she just slept with us. She would lie on top of the covers in between us. Then we put a single bed for her up against our bed, to give everyone a little more room. I breastfed until 17 months. She moved into her own bedroom when she was about 3 and a half.

I loved having her in the bed, and the room with us, and I missed her lots when she started in her own room! That said, I don't know what I'm going to do when this one arrives (due in 7-ish weeks), I'm determined to have our bed to ourselves a lot sooner, but we'll see what actually happens!

I would agree with the above posters, no drinking at all, or drugs if you're planning on cosleeping. I'd even extend that to smoking honestly.

Most important is to do what feels right for you, no matter what other opinions you may hear from other people, only you will know your child, and your own life, and how they fit together.

thegoldenchild

Tbh, it's the parent's choice if they wish to co-sleep or not. Our daughter is 3 and when she was a baby, we did co-sleep, and it was difficult to get her to settle in her own room. We didn't move her until she was 2. During her first 2 years, she slept in our room, either in her cot, or our bed. Now, she will fall asleep in our bed, and I will transfer her to her own room. Some nights she stays in her own bed, and some nights she will come into ours. With second daughter who is 7 months, we have never taken her into our bed, and she has slept through the night since she was 8 weeks old, and is a great sleeper. I think we learned with our second daughter. But I don't mind either way, I love being close to my babies as working full time, I do miss them during the day!!

January

*MOD NOTE*

Abbreviations such as DD etc are not permitted on this forum, please read the charter.

thegoldenchild

My apologies January, an oversight on my part....

NextSteps

Our baby is nearly 7 months and mostly in the bed with us, though he starts the night in the cot. My theory is that as he goes longer before waking for a feed, he'll spend longer in the cot. It suits us very well as we both get a good night's sleep. And he's very cuddly.

qwertytlk

Lol, finally dad has seen where i was coming from about not having baby in bed as it may make it harderr for him to go in his own room/cot and always need us to put him asleep etc. He watched an episode of baby squad on tv3 today about an 18month old who wouldnt sleep an whose parents had to drive her around in their car at night to send her off. So once the expert found out that parents used to cuddle baby to sleep each night, she attributed her sleep problems to this. He now thinks he should sleep in his basket untill early morning...men are funny, he wont listen to me, but if the tv tells him something he is all ears!

Ayla

qwertytlk wrote: »

So once the expert found out that parents used to cuddle baby to sleep each night, she attributed her sleep problems to this.

Ugh, the dreaded "experts"...in my opinion, nothing is more detrimental to a parent's natural instincts than a so-called "professional" telling them to ignore their internal voice & do what society deems appropriate.

It doesn't seem to matter how many millions of people throughout the world and throughout history have co-slept (and still do so today) and their children have become well-rounded and independent individuals and sleepers. These "experts" will still spout their theories to vulnerable parents and sucker them into believing that they should force their children into unnatural situations.

People should do whatever feels good for them and works for their families...this will come naturally and does not need the uninvolved and insensitive advises of so-called "experts".

mrsberries

I have to admit I LOVE having my baby in bed with me. She doesnt generally sleep there, I take her in about 7am when she first wakes and she dozes off for another couple of hours. Id also take her in if she was a bit off, but I have my own rule that it has to be after 4am as Im in a lighter sleep then and I like to keep my arm around her to keep pillow away from her head and duvet well below her.

Well meaning family and friends told me I was inviting cotdeath (what a thing to say to a new mother of a 7 day old child!!!) and years of bed issues for her. Thankfully I stopped worrying about it and started to cherish it. She'll be going to her own room in a couple of weeks when she hits 6 months.

littlebug

My first spent a lot of time in our bed.. or in a bed with one of us til maybe age 4. If one of us wasn't comfortable or couldn't sleep then we would move to the spare room rather than wake the child The youngest wasn't bothered after 7-8 months when he was sleeping through the night. I think liked his own space... til early morning then he'd come in for a snuggle. Hes growing out of that now and I miss it.
I think there are no rules... you do what feels right for you/ child/ family at the time. I suppose it helps if both parents are on the same wavelength though.

cynder

My lady slept with me till she was 5 years and 11 months, and she is the most independent 12 year old you could get.

My boys also slept with me my second guy till he was 7 months and my little guy age 4 still hops in now and then, for the last 2 nights his came in at 3 am and stayed.

Think im going to sleep in his bed tonight as i hardly slept last night due to lack of space in the bed.

Chocolate fiend

Well our 3.5 year old boy has been in his own bed almost two weeks now and everyone is sleeping better and there has been no drama at all. I still don't regret having him in with us for so long, it worked for us.

MelanieB

I had my baby in bed with me for the first 3 months as she had horrendous colic, actually it wasn't even in bed I was so scared I might suffocate her. I used to get dressed up in layers and sleep on the couch with her in the crook of my arm, I slept "reasonably" soundly but was grateful when the colic went I can tell you! She wouldn't sleep any other way. I think if you have your baby sleep with you when they are very young, it doesn't become habit, its just when they get old enough to reason that you have a problem as they then use it as an argument against you that they have always done it.

How Strange

I thought sleeping on a sofa with an infant wasn't recommended at all and is one of the main reasons cosleeping is considered dangerous. Perhaps I'm misinformed.

MelanieB

How Strange wrote: »

I thought sleeping on a sofa with an infant wasn't recommended at all and is one of the main reasons cosleeping is considered dangerous. Perhaps I'm misinformed.

Your absolutely right, it isn't recommended, especially if you're drunk or on something, prescription or NON-presecription drugs. However, I was neither and the only option was to spend the night awake instead, so not much of choice especially as I was breastfeeding too. I was told not to do it by my PHN but she also said its personal choice and this is not my first baby. I spent the whole night sitting up with a slight recline as it was killing me back being at 90% but baby was unable to lay down till colic AND reflux had gone.

The actual figures relate to co-sleeping in bed, where there is more chance of actually turning over onto the baby, but it is the same thing.

How Strange

MelanieB I'm not criticising you. We all do what we have to for a bit of sleep and to calm our babies down.