Best Insults you've ever heard?

admiralofthefleet

Einhard wrote: »

You're an itchy boil on the anus of humanity.

I wouldn't piss on ye if ye were on fire.

unless me piss was petrol

Gordon Gecko

You, sir, are a crass, boorish, coarse ruffian......of the lowest order!

Rgds

Rt. Hon. Gordon Gecko Esq

Ste_D

Shes got a fanny like a melted welly

EachSmallChime

Sort your life out, your mother hates you

Mickey H

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

The best part of you ran down your mothers leg.

Heh...

EachSmallChime

she'd make serious money in a career as a 'before' picture

Persiancowboy

"You wouldn't get a kick in a stampede.."

"Who knitted your face and dropped a stitch...?

"You're not half the man your mother was......"

Unique User Name

You're a failure of a human being

daveyeh

The face on that snarley c**t, it looks like someone wiped $hit on her top lip.

Littlehorny

From Dodgeball, "son your about as useful as a cock flavoured lollipop!"

Fromthetrees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzbURUrgQao

RayM

Christopher Hitchens, commenting on the death of televangelist Jerry Falwell: "If he had been given an enema, he could have been buried in a matchbox."

homerjay2005

our former soccer manager was well able to both give and take abuse to the opposition players, one day in a local derby in front of a huge crowd, the opposition manager shouted at him from the other dug out -

"fu*k you, ya fat c*nt"........

our manager roars back instantly -

" i can go on a diet in the morning, but you'll still be f*cking ugly"..

the whole crowd were laughing and it for me, is one of the best come backs ive ever heard.

Borat_Sagdiyev

If a man takes your wife, the greatest revenge is to let him keep her.

blaze1

At least I dont bleed for a week..

He was escorted out of the office not long after that one.

ilovelamp2000

She's seen more japs eyes than a Tokyo optician.

4leto

Someone once called me fcuken tupperware and not in a nice way:(

Shanotheslayer

One I always liked was when people said

''Fail'' or something along those lines and the response was


''Just like your abortion''

marketty

She'd get up on a stiff breeze.
He'd get up on a cracked plate.
She's as feminine as a burst sausage.
Scarlet for your granny (I am embarrassed for your mother for giving birth to you, and embarrassed for her mother for having a daughter who gave birth to an embarrassment such as you. So many levels of insult in four words.)

LuckyFinigan

You have a face like a bucket of melted lego.

Capt'n Midnight

when are you due ?

Captain Slow IRL

Myself and an ex coworker were out doing messages in one of the garage trade-ins, an old Fiat Cinquecento (spelling!?) and had to stop off at a Renault dealership to pick up parts. The coworker was driving, pulled up right outside the front door of the dealership and we went in to get the bits when one of the salesman (a proper smartarse) piped up "Why don't you just drive it into the showroom?" to which the coworker retorted "Because I wouldn't want to embarass you by bringing a decent car in here"
I p*ssed myself!

suarez9

Last lady i pulled had the body of babe of baywatch and face of a girl of crimewatch! Ouch

Bobby Baccala

what skip did ye rob them from?

Sleepy

Your Granda was yer Da!

Insect Overlord

Your mother is so fat that the late, great, surrealist artist Salvador Dali mistook her breasts for clocks!

jay-me

I refuse to partake in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent!

Your onslought of witty retorts cannot penetrate my shield of ignorance!

DazlerDee

I'll beat you like a red headed step child.

Bobby Baccala

i've seen harder men on wedding cakes

Joekers

Was on the upstairs of a bus a few months ago and these Australian tourists are sitting up the front of the bus. I sit down about 5 seats from the back, next stop about 5 little yobs hop on outside a mcdonalds and sit down the very back. They have the straws outta mcdonalds and start to spit tissue paper through it at each other absolutley disgusting (was waiting for a piece to hit me to put one of there heads through the windows) one kid thinks its a bright idea to start blowing it at the aussies up the front and after bout 5 mins one of the Australians stood up and started walking down towards them. So here is this huge aussie decked out in cap sunglasses t-shirt fanny pack and shorts and just lets out this big massive roar ... OI WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YA LITTLE RASACALS. I just thought that it took the biscuit and pissed meself laughing just couldnt control it thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard.

MerryLegs

She's like a bulldog in heat

ToddyDoody

She wouldnt run well on soft ground

Hoof_Hearted

Just had two tea-spluttering moments reading an article on Cracked about 'nice guys' (not real nice guys but the ones too wuss to do anything bold, who extoll their weakness as a strength: 'niceness').
First was the moniker 'hollow-balled sh1tbird', but the one that sent a gobful of Campbells finest blend across the kitchen table was about Cyrano deB - 'if he hadn't used a mirror to shave he'd never see any pussy'
Better boil the kettle again...

username_x

"Yore Ma should have swallowed you when she had the chance!"

Or, plain and simple,

"You should have been a w@nk!"

bee_keeper

suarez9 wrote: »

Last lady i pulled had the body of babe of baywatch and face of a girl of crimewatch! Ouch

lucky git

Aphex

Great read. Some of these get good laughs in work along with some of the jokes from the best joke thread. Any more insults?

Please forgive me if this thread is too old to revive.

Lisha

You're just a Kn@b jockey

Built for comfort not speed

stop animal cruelty

Anyone see Marooned - Paidí O Sé (RIP), a programme that was on few weeks ago on RTE? Not really an insult more of a giving out

To one player - "You were fcuked over the line twice, fcuked over the line twice like you'd catch a loaf of bread and fcuk it over the shoulder"

Brillant

neil_hosey

she looks like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle

Latchy

'' You're as deep as a mirror and shallow as a stream ''

Morrisseeee

While out cycling one day, I was passing through a sleepy village, there were 3 young lads (young teenagers I guess) sitting on a bench and as I passed them, one of them shouts out:

Go on outa dat, real men roide women !

:pac:

McChubbin

Douchewaffle!

YFlyer

OP pay a visit to Thunderdome you sap.

Aglomerado

You wouldn't drive teeth into a sausage!

You've a face like a constipated greyhound!

SimonTemplar

If you were twice as smart you'd still be a moron.

brandon_flowers

If you had two brains you'd be twice as stupid.

Eurovisionmad

He'd steal the ****e out of your arse so he would!

Wabbit Ears

my all time fave is Septic Cúnt.

Nowadays I like cúntingfúckwhóre.


I also Like the descriptive term of a Ladies dangly ladybits looking like a cat that has been run over.

juice1304

"Your face is fouler than the unwiped inner ring of Satan's rectum":D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuCZE7zSsoY

Magill

Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your ****ter with a lubricated horse cock!