Mother rejecting daughter

lucy2010

Just want your views on this ...

Now its not a baby we are talking about - its a 15 yr old. Is this normal/ natural? As a mammy I cant get my head around it. As a woman im shocked. But how could someone do this ?

mymo

lucy2010 wrote: »

Just want your views on this ...

Now its not a baby we are talking about - its a 15 yr old. Is this normal/ natural? As a mammy I cant get my head around it. As a woman im shocked. But how could someone do this ?

It happened to a friend of mine when we were at school. Mum got a new boyfriend, daughter didn't like him so there were rows, mum kicked daughter out, at 14!
This girl went around several friends houses, staying a night here and there, thankfully one of the mums found out and got involved. She ended up staying with this family until she left school, but things could have been very different.
As a mum now I can't imagine anyone doing this, but it does happen.
I hope this 15 year old has family around to help her, it will have a lasting effect on her.

lucy2010

Mum basicly always discarded for whoever was new on the scene ie a new man or a new friend. Child was then emerged as an accessory when required. History of abuse was revealed & dad stepped in & removed her from the scene at her wishes. She decided to give her mum a chance ( numerous) to explain herself & get the help she needed ( undiagnosed bipolar ??). Mum refused - said wanted nothing to do with her ever again & left. No contact in 5 months - apart from the day of exam results -txt wanting to know her results ( would say as people asking how she got on & mum didnt know - doesnt exactly make her look good). Just bizarre. I know I couldnt go very long without the need to talk to my mum or my kids..

wolfpawnat

mymo wrote: »

It happened to a friend of mine when we were at school. Mum got a new boyfriend, daughter didn't like him so there were rows, mum kicked daughter out, at 14!

That woman, and indeed, the man, should be ashamed of themselves. First thing that should have been done is get onto the Dept of SW and get her payments for her daughter stopped, then Social Services and have her arrested for neglect. Ironically the latter would probably would affect someone who would do this to their child less than the financial side of it.

ash23

I don't understand anyone rejecting their child but many do. Gender isn't really an issue. I'd be as disgusted and confused by a man walking away from his child as a woman.
Sadly it's a daily occurance.

lucy2010

ash23 wrote: »

I don't understand anyone rejecting their child but many do. Gender isn't really an issue. I'd be as disgusted and confused by a man walking away from his child as a woman.
Sadly it's a daily occurance.

Funnily enough -While men think she is a head case, women cant get their head around the idea of rejection. Its funny the gender line in it.

lucy2010

wolfpawnat wrote: »

That woman, and indeed, the man, should be ashamed of themselves. First thing that should have been done is get onto the Dept of SW and get her payments for her daughter stopped, then Social Services and have her arrested for neglect. Ironically the latter would probably would affect someone who would do this to their child less than the financial side of it.

We tried this route - everything apart from physical & sexual abuse is so hard to prove. Your word against a 15 year olds. But apart from that its the damage it is doing to a young kiddie. I just cant imagine my own mam not wanting me.... I drove her round the bend, i broke her heart, she could have killed me many a time - but she still woke up the next day & loved me unconditionally the same as the day before because thats what a mam does...... The same way I do my kids - I may want to strangle them now but i couldnt bear to not be a part of their little lives.

wolfpawnat

lucy2010 wrote: »

I just cant imagine my own mam not wanting me.... I drove her round the bend, i broke her heart, she could have killed me many a time - but she still woke up the next day & loved me unconditionally the same as the day before because thats what a mam does...... The same way I do my kids - I may want to strangle them now but i couldnt bear to not be a part of their little lives.

My mother couldn't stand me, I was too independent and insisted in making my own decisions rather than just accepting hers! She never bothered to turn up to anything I did and seldom allowed me to do anything that would financially affect her. She only cared about her boyfriends and her social life! To this day she never said why!

I left, although it took me long enough. Now as a mother myself I really do wish she would get the comeuppance she so rightfully deserves! I see the horrible side of wanting to strangle my child as for the fourth time this week he mushes his lunch into the carpet, or tries to destroy what we own, but as soon as that moment of annoyance is over he is back to the adorable big brown eyed little fella that melts my heart. Something as cute as trying to give me a present (fluff from the carpet) to the adorable "Thank you" for putting on his favourite cartoon!

lucy2010

wolfpawnat wrote: »

My mother couldn't stand me, I was too independent and insisted in making my own decisions rather than just accepting hers! She never bothered to turn up to anything I did and seldom allowed me to do anything that would financially affect her. She only cared about her boyfriends and her social life! To this day she never said why!

I left, although it took me long enough. Now as a mother myself I really do wish she would get the comeuppance she so rightfully deserves! I see the horrible side of wanting to strangle my child as for the fourth time this week he mushes his lunch into the carpet, or tries to destroy what we own, but as soon as that moment of annoyance is over he is back to the adorable big brown eyed little fella that melts my heart. Something as cute as trying to give me a present (fluff from the carpet) to the adorable "Thank you" for putting on his favourite cartoon!

Christ that is so familiar.... except the difference being the child here was being abused in the process....... I believe this mother does have psychological issues but sometimes I wonder is badness just born into some people. & how do you " fix" a child from all this hurt.

LadyMayBelle

It's very possible for a mother to reject a 15 year old..but as I am sure you've seen it this case it's happened time and time before. I imagine Mum got 'stuck' developmentally, and has been ever since; throw the dummy out fo the pram and you get a new one.

Terrible, terrible repercussions for her daughter having to deal with this god awful rejection of your own mother, whether she was good bad or indifferent. I'd love to see what the bonding was like in the child's first few days/weeks etc...

Sadly, I see this kind of thing daily.

lucy2010

Wow - to a T!

The dummy phrase is one I have always used to describe her. Yes it has happened over & over again just this time round the wee thing had the courage to speak out as basicly she couldnt cope herself - poor thing. She initially rejected her for the first 18 months after she was born & dad took over. Funny you are the 3rd person to question that - must be some significance.
Another significance is the fact she told her daughter " I never wanted you in the 1st place ".....

LadyMayBelle

lucy2010 wrote: »

Wow - to a T!

The dummy phrase is one I have always used to describe her. Yes it has happened over & over again just this time round the wee thing had the courage to speak out as basicly she couldnt cope herself - poor thing. She initially rejected her for the first 18 months after she was born & dad took over. Funny you are the 3rd person to question that - must be some significance.
Another significance is the fact she told her daughter " I never wanted you in the 1st place ".....

This is powerful stuff, and without dismissing it as every story is truly heartbreaking, it sounds 'textbook'. Attachment is very powerful, and rejection.... are you working on this or just looking for some info for your own insight or anything? Might try source some stuff if you want some light reading.
Poor poor child, it's so sad. I hope she has some supports around her

ZombieBride

I had to move in with another family when I wasn't yet 15, it was the best thing I could have done, the father of that family made sure I went to school and ate everyday. Sometimes parental rejection works out better for the children.

planetX

Sorry, I feel we're not getting the whole picture. Is this a stepmother posting by any chance?
I would be reluctant to judge anyone like this without knowing what's going on behind the scenes, not till you've walked in their shoes.

LadyMayBelle

planetX wrote: »

Sorry, I feel we're not getting the whole picture. Is this a stepmother posting by any chance?
I would be reluctant to judge anyone like this without knowing what's going on behind the scenes, not till you've walked in their shoes.

Naturally no one should, in real life, but this is boards and we have to go on the info we have to hand. That's how it works

I hope the situation has improved OP.

paperclip2

planetX wrote: »

Sorry, I feel we're not getting the whole picture. Is this a stepmother posting by any chance?
I would be reluctant to judge anyone like this without knowing what's going on behind the scenes, not till you've walked in their shoes.

I think Lucy posted more detailed information about this situation in the past. I do remember quite a long thread on this topic.

planetX

Ok I'm not in the club. Just sounds like someone looking for justification to me.

The Corinthian

ash23 wrote: »

I don't understand anyone rejecting their child but many do. Gender isn't really an issue. I'd be as disgusted and confused by a man walking away from his child as a woman.
Sadly it's a daily occurance.

It's a daily occurrence but not one we tend to notice. The reality is that the majority of such rejections take place at the start and so most are quietly disposed of as abortions. It is the fact that a parent would originally want a child and then later reject it which is all the more shocking - something which while far more rare also occurs and is carried out by both genders.

In many cases, I suspect it comes down to wanting the child originally for all the wrong reasons; perhaps either parent could have seen it as a means to cement a relationship with the other (and when that relationship fails, the child becomes a reminder of that failure), or because they had not thought through the responsibility and impact when they made their choice or because (especially if 17, living at home and with little education) being a single parent seems like a better option to working a supermarket check-out.

I wouldn't automatically damn all parents who do this, especially custodial ones, either. Mental illness could be behind the rejection, as could abuse (from the child) - if a mother is being beaten by her teenage child, what options does she have?

Whatever the reason, I do agree that it is tragic.

Orion

This is not a thread about abortion. Let's not turn it into one please.