Tuesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

Six months after a French waiter died, his widow went to see a medium, who promised she would contact the man in the great beyond.

During the séance, the widow was sure she saw her husband standing in the corner, dressed in his waiter's outfit.

"Arnold!" she cried. "Come closer and speak to me!"

A ghostly voice drifted from the corner...

"I can't. It's not my table."

_____________________________

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.

She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro, seeing her come into the clubhouse, said 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said,

'Then your feet are too far apart.'
_____________________________

A little white duck walks into a grocery store and says to the man behind the counter,

Do you sell duck food here?

The man says sorry but no we don't sell duck food.

The little duck leaves.

The next day the little duck comes back and asks for duck food.

The man behind the counter says, as I told you yesterday, we don't have duck food here.

The duck leaves...

Next day the duck is back with the same question.
Do you have duck food here?

The man becomes annoyed a tells the little duck that if he continues to come in the store and ask for duck food, he will nail his little web feet to the floor.

The duck leaves.

The next day the little duck comes in and asks the man.

Do you sell nails here?

The man says no I don't. The duck then says do you sell duck food here?