Women and sex toys

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:01pm #1

The sex toy advert reminded me of this. I've been with a couple of girls in the past for casual sex and they've produced sex toys and started going at themselves in an effort to turn themselves and myself on, I presume. It doesn't really do anything for me but live and let live etc.
Anyway if I were to produce one of those fake vagina things and started banging it, if I took home a bird on the night I met her, surely she'd be disgusted? Am I right? Double standards? I don't own one but it'd be interesting to see her reaction, should I ever get laid again in my life!

Jesus Wept · 30-09-2011 4:02pm

She'd be turned on obviously, stands to reason.

stupidusername · 30-09-2011 4:05pm

I doubt she'd be disgusted she'd probably just be like wtf. And if I girl has to take one out when she's with you,you should consider improving things.

chin_grin · 30-09-2011 4:06pm

stupidusername wrote: »

I doubt she'd be disgusted she'd probably just be like wtf. And if I girl has to take one out when she's with you,you should consider improving things.

BURN!

cosmicfart · 30-09-2011 4:07pm

those fake vagina things ARE he reason u dont need to go out and pick up a girl and do the whole courting thing. Take ur fake vagina, save a load of lolly and be a happy man, man.

hidinginthebush · 30-09-2011 4:07pm

In my experience, nothing gets a bird going more than throwing an auld pint glass of raw liver in the microwave for 30 seconds then going to town on it

Hangballlouie · 30-09-2011 4:08pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

The sex toy advert reminded me of this. I've been with a couple of girls in the past for casual sex and they've produced sex toys and started going at themselves in an effort to cum because I have a small penis. It doesn't really do anything for me but live and let live etc.

Anyway if I were to produce one of those fake vagina things and started banging it, if I took home a bird on the night I met her, surely she'd be disgusted? Am I right? Double standards? I don't own one but it'd be interesting to see her reaction, should I ever get laid again in my life!

FYP

Aoifey! · 30-09-2011 4:09pm

So what you're trying to say is that you can't satisfy a woman?

Tiocfaidh Armani · 30-09-2011 4:09pm

hidinginthebush wrote: »

In my experience, nothing gets a bird going more than throwing an auld pint glass of raw liver in the microwave for 30 seconds then going to town on it

Legend:D

I find it a turn out looking at a woman doing herself. Then again I'm a sick f**k:D

Temptamperu · 30-09-2011 4:10pm

Ive never had a woman pull one out on the first night, sure in the midst of a relationship for added fun but never on the first night.
In sumary, you probably suck at sexytime :pac:

stupidusername · 30-09-2011 4:11pm

Tiocfaidh Armani wrote: »

Legend:D

I find it a turn out looking at a woman doing herself. Then again I'm a sick f**k:D

Nah that's hardly sick

Latchy · 30-09-2011 4:11pm

hidinginthebush wrote: »

In my experience, nothing gets a bird going more than throwing an auld pint glass of raw liver in the microwave for 30 seconds then going to town on it

Ya beat me to it ... was just about to post this below

'' Suppose you could always try it on with a jar of liver first ...just to gauge reaction.:pac:

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:12pm

How silly of me I should have known it would turn into a YOU'RE CRAP IN BED thread! No, on both ocassions we hadn't even got down to the main event yet. I guess some women see it as a good type of foreplay, or something.

smash · 30-09-2011 4:12pm

Fake vagina? Go the hole nine yards and start banging a blow up doll.... donkey punch it too, that'll get her going!

Temptamperu · 30-09-2011 4:13pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

How silly of me I should have known it would turn into a YOU'RE CRAP IN BED thread! No, on both ocassions we hadn't even got down to the main event yet. I guess some women see it as a good type of foreplay, or something.

Nope never seen it before.

Snakeblood · 30-09-2011 4:13pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

The sex toy advert reminded me of this. I've been with a couple of girls in the past for casual sex and they've produced sex toys and started going at themselves in an effort to turn themselves and myself on, I presume. It doesn't really do anything for me but live and let live etc.
Anyway if I were to produce one of those fake vagina things and started banging it, if I took home a bird on the night I met her, surely she'd be disgusted? Am I right? Double standards? I don't own one but it'd be interesting to see her reaction, should I ever get laid again in my life!

Just keep a couple of jamjars of semen on the mantelpiece so she can see you are virile and can give her the babies women want.

stupidusername · 30-09-2011 4:14pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

How silly of me I should have known it would turn into a YOU'RE CRAP IN BED thread! No, on both ocassions we hadn't even got down to the main event yet. I guess some women see it as a good type of foreplay, or something.

I guess they just anticipated you'd be bad :pac:

Snakeblood · 30-09-2011 4:14pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

The sex toy advert reminded me of this. I've been with a couple of girls in the past for casual sex and they've produced sex toys and started going at themselves in an effort to turn themselves and myself on, I presume. It doesn't really do anything for me but live and let live etc.
Anyway if I were to produce one of those fake vagina things and started banging it, if I took home a bird on the night I met her, surely she'd be disgusted? Am I right? Double standards? I don't own one but it'd be interesting to see her reaction, should I ever get laid again in my life!

Just tell them you aren't paying for them to have fun. :mad:

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:15pm

stupidusername wrote: »

I guess they just anticipated you'd be bad :pac:

I don't think I'm bad at all, I've always been attentive anyway. I'm talking like 2 girls out of all the women I've been with, and a looker like me gets around

stupidusername · 30-09-2011 4:16pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I don't think I'm bad at all, I've always been attentive anyway. I'm talking like 2 girls out of all the women I've been with, and a looker like me gets around

Pics or its not true

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:16pm

stupidusername wrote: »

Pics or its not true

pics of me? Neau whey!

smash · 30-09-2011 4:18pm

Did they do this before or after they saw you naked? Or at least after the copped a feel...

LETHAL LADY · 30-09-2011 4:18pm

Why not stick the fake c**k in the fake f***y and see what happens. Everyones a winner.

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:21pm

smash wrote: »

Did they do this before or after they saw you naked? Or at least after the copped a feel...

I can't remember but both of them were pretty keen to see me again so I must not have been that sexually repulsive to them.

stupidusername · 30-09-2011 4:22pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I can't remember but both of them were pretty keen to see me again so I must not have been that sexually repulsive to them.

Unless...have you got money?

smcgiff · 30-09-2011 4:22pm

Let's try the scientific approach...

Try to think back - Did they take out the sex toy before or after you pulled down your shorts? If, directly after, well...

Not sure if you deserve any kudos for posting this in after hours... On reflection - nope. :P

Paparazzo · 30-09-2011 4:23pm

I think these women could see that Mr. Flop was paying you a visit.

copeyhagen · 30-09-2011 4:23pm

yes have beenw ith girls that have produced said goods, and honestly its the greatest turn on ever.

the fleshlight idea is hilarious though!!

on the same ideas,

for men, the idea of two girls going down on each other is amazing.

for women, the thoughts of two men going down on each other is disgusting (i hope!)

k.p.h · 30-09-2011 4:23pm

If they pull out a dildo you should just blast them with piss ..

LeeHoffmann · 30-09-2011 4:23pm

OP, you should bring out your own toys and go at yourself with them too. It'd be a DIY party

smash · 30-09-2011 4:23pm

Did you go unconscious and wake up with a sore ass yourself?

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:24pm

stupidusername wrote: »

Unless...have you got money?

No. I'm always broke. It's the handsome face and killer body, and I'm pretty charming sometimes.

smash · 30-09-2011 4:25pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

I'm talking like 2 girls out of all the women I've been with, and a looker like me gets around

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

No. I'm always broke. It's the handsome face and killer body, and I'm pretty charming sometimes.

2 strikes... next time you should be banned!

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:25pm

copeyhagen wrote: »

yes have beenw ith girls that have produced said goods, and honestly its the greatest turn on ever.

the fleshlight idea is hilarious though!!

on the same ideas,

for men, the idea of two girls going down on each other is amazing.

for women, the thoughts of two men going down on each other is disgusting (i hope!)

Finally a guy who's lived a little. No it does nothing for me. Actually come to think of it a girl I was with a few weeks ago here in London, the next morning when she was in the shower, I could see in the drawer beside her bed some "durex play gel" and got flashbacks of it being produced the very drunken night before. But there was also this huge dildo in there. Christ it really made me want to leave the flat ASAP. I think I have a phobia of them maybe, they are gross.

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:26pm

smash wrote: »

2 strikes... next time you should be banned!

Banned for being gorgeous?

mackg · 30-09-2011 4:26pm

To really drive her wild:

1. Call her up and invite her over

2. Undress and light candles while you await her arrival

3. Leave door ajar

4. When she arrives produce fake vagina and proceed to fcuk it

5. Ejaculate

6. Fall asleep

7. Snore loudly

8. Drool

smash · 30-09-2011 4:27pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Banned for being gorgeous?

Look, we're here to slag your small penis/lack of skills in bed... not to feed your ego!

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:30pm

smash wrote: »

Look, we're here to slag your small penis/lack of skills in bed... not to feed your ego!

Well maybe you should try to be nice, Mr Grumpy.

smash · 30-09-2011 4:31pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Well maybe you should try to be nice, Mr Grumpy.

That's no fun.

mr.wiggle · 30-09-2011 4:32pm

Hi OP, I think I say this for all red blooded males on boards,
Next time....

take some fcuking photo's please !!!!

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:34pm

mr.wiggle wrote: »

Hi OP, I think I say this for all red blooded males on boards,
Next time....

take some fcuking photo's please !!!!

Neither of them were particularly hot

stupidusername · 30-09-2011 4:40pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Neither of them were particularly hot

Well not compared to you,of course

thebigbiffo · 30-09-2011 4:41pm

i accidentally my fleshlight while i was pumping on it to turn on the mrs.

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:42pm

stupidusername wrote: »

Well not compared to you,of course

I would definitely place myself a league or two above them in the looks department yes. Y'all gotta love yourselves some more.

LeeHoffmann · 30-09-2011 4:45pm

Y'all gotta love yourselves some more.

I thought this was the problem?

CrackisWhack · 30-09-2011 4:45pm

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

Neither of them were particularly hot

Double blow, they were mingers and they still needed toys to warm themselves up:p

Bobby Baccala · 30-09-2011 4:48pm

Dear O.P

PICS OR GTFO

BraziliaNZ · 30-09-2011 4:48pm

CrackisWhack wrote: »

Double blow, they were mingers and they still needed toys to warm themselves up:p

Mingers is a bit harsh, I mean you wouldn't say no after a few pints to either, for sure.

Tiocfaidh Armani · 30-09-2011 4:50pm

One thing that I loved was when I was fingering a woman once and she grabbed my hand and sucked my fingers to taste her own pussy. Not sure why but I was turned on big style and in her pussy like jack flash once she did that:D

mr.wiggle · 30-09-2011 4:52pm

thebigbiffo wrote: »

i accidentally my fleshlight while i was pumping on it to turn on the mrs.

Really? and come she what the?!

sgb · 30-09-2011 4:54pm

OP, those fake vaginas are ok at the time, but emptying them out in the morning is gross

Women and sex toys

Comments