Some Jokes

Tauriel

A girlfriend and boyfriend walked into the girlfriends house and the girlfriend said to her mom, "Mom, me and my boyfriend are going up to my room" and the mom says, "Ok honey, you kids have fun."

When they are up their the mom hears: "Baby baby baby oh!"

The mom walks to the door and ask, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "Mom were just having sex." and the mom says, "Oh thank god I thought you guys were listening to Justin Bieber."
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A boy speeding on road.
Guard stops him and ask, "Did you see the speed limit sign?"
The boy says, "Yea, I just didnt see you."
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Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well .........?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
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Dad shouts ....."STOP WATCHIN PORN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!"
Son: Dad...I am NOT watching porn..... That is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!!!