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Wednesday 'Uns

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  • 05-10-2011 11:34am
    #1
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,310 ✭✭✭


    A man was brought to Mercy Hospital and taken in for coronary surgery.

    The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy,who was waiting by his bed.

    "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand.

    "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here.

    Are you covered by insurance?"

    "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

    "Can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

    "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

    "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun essayed.

    "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered.

    "But she's a humble spinster nun."

    "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not 'spinsters.'

    They are married to God."

    "Wonderful," said Smith.

    "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

    _____________________________________

    Perfect day for a Woman

    8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
    8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
    8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
    9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
    10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
    10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
    12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
    12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.
    13:00 Shopping with friends.
    14:00 Nap.
    16:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
    16:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.
    17:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
    19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
    22:00 Hot shower. Alone.
    22:30 Make love.
    23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
    23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.


    Perfect Day for a Man

    6:00 Alarm.
    6:15 Blowjob.
    6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section of USA Today.
    7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee.
    7:30 Limo arrives.
    7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport.
    8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia.
    9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club.
    9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par.
    11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens.
    12:15 Blowjob.
    12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par.
    14:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis.
    14:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap.
    15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew.
    16:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1249 lbs.
    17:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Kathy Ireland.
    19:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Clinton resigns.
    19:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York strip.
    21:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar.
    22:00 Have sex with twin 21 year-old nymphomaniacs.
    23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi.
    23:45 Go to bed.
    23:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.
    23:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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