Few More

MonkieSocks

Impressing the Farmer

An old farmer is sitting on his porch when a young man pulls up in a car and says,

"Excuse me, sir. I notice you have milkweed growing in your field, may I get some milk?"

The old fellow chuckles to himself and says "You can't get milk from milkweed young man."

The young man says, "I think I can sir, if you'll let me try."

The farmer says "Well you just go right ahead then."

An hour later the young man returns four gallons of milk and sets one on the porch.

"Thank you sir, this ones for your kindness." gets in his car and leaves.

The farmer is stunned.

The next day the same young man pulls up and says,

"I notice you have honeysuckle growing in the hedgerow, do you mind if I gather some honey?"

The farmer says, "You don't get honey from honeysuckle son."

The young man says, "I think I can sir, if you'll let me try."

The farmer gives his consent and is amazed when the man comes back later with 4 quarts of honey and leaves one for the old farmer.

The next day the same young man pulls up and says,

"Excuse me sir, I notice you have some pussy-willows growing next to your pond"

The farmer jumps up and says

"Hold on son, let me get my hat."

______________________________

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor.

He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.

In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol.

All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.

At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting.

As the two began, they found themselves in the celebrated 69 position.

The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor.

The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Not that well.
When I fired the pistol,
my wife **** on my face,
bit 3 inches off my dick, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air."