Tuesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

Three blondes died and are at the pearly gates of heaven.

St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy!

It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."

"Wrong!," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question.

"What is Easter?"

The second blonde replies,

"Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, shakes his head in disgust, tells her she's wrong,
and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes,

"I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover.

Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples.

The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands.

He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight.

The third blonde continues,

"Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter

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White House staffers were perplexed one morning to see Bill Clintonwalk in to the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties on his arm.

Somewhat used to the president's tendencies, they let it go and went about their daily tasks.

The day wore on; several VIPs were ushered in and out of the Oval Office for meetings with Clinton about important affairs of the state.

Each one left with a puzzled expression on their face but no one dared ask about the President's personal business.

Finally, Betty Currie, Clifton's loyal secretary walked into the office between appointments and gently closed the door behind her.

"Mr. President," she said, "We've come to expect many unusual things from you but we're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a pair of woman's panties on your arm.

Please tell me this doesn't mean more trouble."

"Oh no," the President grinned.

"It's The Patch. I'm trying to quit."

_________________________________
A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every eveningto watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking more and more to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again.

He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in, cautiously leaned over to the young woman, and whispered in her ear...



"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

shawnee

Brill