Wednesday Funnies

MonkieSocks

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar.

One complained to the other, "Boy, business sucks. If I don't sell more cars this month, I'm going to lose my fookin ass!"

Too late -- he noticed a beautiful blonde, sitting two stools away.

Immediately, he offered apologies for his use of bad language.

"That's okay," the blonde replied, "I have a very similar problem...

If I don't sell more ass this month, I'm going to lose my fookin car!"

________________________________

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away.

So, he decided to test it on himself first.

He inserted his penis into the equipment,turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic!!

He really had good time as the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did.

When the fun was over, he found that he could not take the instrument off.

He read the manual, but did not find any useful information.

He tried every button on the instrument, some made the equipment squeeze,shake, or suck harder or less, but still without success.

Panicking, he called the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.

The farmer: "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.

It worked fantastic. But how can I take it off from the cow's udder?"

Customer Service: "Don't worry.

The machine was programmed such that it will release automatically after collecting about 2L of milk."
________________________________


Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?".

"Well... not exactly." his friend replied,

"She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well... not exactly...."

"I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."

Poorsaint

Pregnant Sharon phones her mother in a panic. Ma, Ma, me waters are after breakin' an' I don't know what to do Ma. What will I do ma help me.
Don't panic love, just relax and everything will be o.k I'll be with you as soon as I can, where are you ringing from?

From me fanny to me knees Ma.