Well I've finally done it..

Hermy

schoolmouse wrote: »

The information you require is held by either state or church...

That information is sitting here beside me on the desk as I type.
All that's required now is clarification of that info and I think I can achieve this myself without getting into any undesirable or unwanted correspondence with St. Patrick's Guild. I may be proved wrong in this but for now I'm quite content to use my own resources and initiative to seek out my past. If I fail then I'll send off a letter to St. Patrick's requesting their assistance in the matter.

schoolmouse

Hi Hermy best of luck to you and I hope everything work's out the way you would like.

justagirl

Hermy wrote: »

That information is sitting here beside me on the desk as I type.
All that's required now is clarification of that info and I think I can achieve this myself without getting into any undesirable or unwanted correspondence with St. Patrick's Guild. I may be proved wrong in this but for now I'm quite content to use my own resources and initiative to seek out my past. If I fail then I'll send off a letter to St. Patrick's requesting their assistance in the matter.

Hi Hermy

Well done you on finding your information, it took me a lot longer and I went through all of the official channels (St Patricks Guild) and now 'many' years later, I am being told that the only possible birthcert that could be mine - might not be ! on my birthcert it states that I too was born in St James - that threw me as I was told I was born elsewhere - so I'm assuming my next step is to contact the hospitals. Who to believe?

I did not mean to hijack your thread Just wondered if you had continued your search by yourself?

moihugs

Hermy congrats on finding your birth cert, its a long and very emotional road. Take your time and do it at your own pace. I was also born in St James..Went last year found my birth cert and my bms and also my siblings. It has taken my bm a while to come to terms with the fact that I found her but she eventually told my siblings. It has worked out so so well they are an amazing lot and have welcomed me and my kids with open arms. You do need to consider the possibility that it might work or might not work..either way its totally emotional !! Best of luck and let us know how it goes.

schoolmouse

Hi Hermy,please remember that their are BM & BF who are looking for their children and one of the things that would help greatly is the date of birth of the person who is searching for their BM & or BF we never forget.

schoolmouse

Well done Hermy,baptismal certs normally carry the mother and fathers name and occupation so there must be other records held by the church,but being as secretive as the state they are probably well buried.I would ask to see the actual register for the dates of the baptism.Best of luck schoolmouse.

justagirl

Best of luck hope your search is going well.

Hermy

Thanks all for the continued interest. The search hasn't really gone anywhere these past few months although I haven't been looking that hard to be honest. Funny thing is I can trace my birth mothers family way back to the early 1800's but trying to find out her whereabouts now is a lot trickier than one might imagine.

schoolmouse wrote: »

Hi Hermy,please remember that their are BM & BF who are looking for their children and one of the things that would help greatly is the date of birth of the person who is searching for their BM & or BF we never forget.

I'm not sure I understand this comment schoolmouse.
Are you suggesting I post my date of birth here?

schoolmouse

Hi Hermie, it would be very useful if you even gave an age that way people who are searching from the other side would have an idea as to whether or not they should make some form of contact. Take for instance, my own adopted son was born in St Annes in 1975 so if I saw that I'd know it would be wort my while to follow it up. I hope this clears up any confusion I may have caused.

The_Conductor

Just a reminder- we request you don't post information on the board specifically or inadvertently identify another person.

I appreciate what you are saying schoolmouse- however, you have to remember that there are over 44,000 adopted people in Ireland. The peak years for adoption in Ireland were in the 1970s, peaking in 1974 before tapering off (this can be attributed to the government's decision, despite widespread condemnation by the church, to extent social welfare rights to single mothers- in 1974).

Even looking at individual institutions- is dangerous- the bigger ones will have often had multiple births on the same day.

I'm not trying to be mean- I'm just unfortunately all too familiar with false matches, and would rather you used mechanisms other than randomly tossing out dates on an internet forum, as a means for tracing one another. If you do match information- brilliant, I'm very happy for you- but I'd rather you not face the heartache of getting a wrong match, for the sake of doing a little additional detective work.

Please everyone- respect each other's privacy.

schoolmouse

It was not my intention to upset anyone so please accept my sincere apology on the matter. I take your point about personal information and will in the future give much more consideration to my posts,once again thank you for your guidance.

Hermy

In the past week I've located my birth mothers family.
Now I'm trying to remember the do's and don'ts of what happens next.
If anyone would like to advise me I'd be very grateful.:eek:

whitemoon

Hermy,

that is great news but also opens up lots more questions and what ifs?

This time last year, having identified two possible bms for my hubby and after a lot of back and forth through St Pats I took it upon myself to write an Easter card to the woman i was most convinced it was. It was a very generic card just wishing her a happy Easter and that i had hoped to have heard from her after the letter we had left for her in St pats (which she took 3 months to collect!) I gave my mobile phone number and casually asked her to call for a catch up. I felt that if card was sent to wrong person that i would get a call to say that, but nothing. A month later i sent another very inconspicuous card again and asked could she meet me for a coffee at a specific coffee shop at a specific time the following Friday.... On the Thursday my husband got a call from St Pats to say that his bm had called in and said she would not be meeting me the next day....but at least we knew we had the right person. We left another letter for her in St Pats and again she took months to collect it and still nothing. However 3.00 pm on Christmas day she phoned me!! I nearly collapsed, she said she just couldn't let another Christmas go by and wanted to know if he was ok (we had requested medical info) and I told her he was fine but would love to meet her if only once for a half hour, just to thank her for what she did 46 years ago etc. Needless to say he had a very sleepless night that night...the fact that she was thinking of him despite the lack of communication really affected him deeply. Also we knew that one of her other sons had only got married two or three days before Christmas ( its a very small world and she does not know that she moves in the same circle as my mother!! and her son is also friends on facebook with other people that i know !!) She promised to ring me again and she did about 8 weeks ago to tell me that she had been unwell but would call again in a week or two but i have heard nothing since and am baffled. Nobody in her world knows anything about hubby and i really thought that maybe she finally understood that we quite happy to keep things that way for her and was so looking forward to hearing her story.
Anyway, my advice to you is to take that step forward but be prepared for things to go in any direction, it really is impossible to know what way the ball will bounce but if you don't take the step you will spend the rest of your life wondering.

Best of luck with whatever you do.

Hermy

Up until now I've been determined to trace my birth mother. I see it as my absolute right to know and being denied that right by church and state is what has fueled my determination. But now that I think I've found her and it's nothing to do with them anymore, my determination has been replaced by trepidation.
She's not on Facebook herself so I'm looking at the pages of her siblings and their children and wondering if one of them might be a first point of contact.
Whatever happens the next step is a big one so maybe I'll just sit on this for a while and see what happens.

rinsjwind

Hi Hermy

Might I timidly suggest that now might be the time to use the admittedly deeply flawed services supplied by the agency or the state to initiate contact.

I realise and completely understand your reluctance to have anything to do with them but this sort of thing is what they do day in day out and they're not all complete a******s!!

There's no harm getting yourself on their waiting list anyway while you think things over, especially as SPG is in the process of shutting down and handing over to hse and they'll be more than happy to take you off their extensive to do list if you decide to go it alone.

If you do decide to contact solo tread carefully, you have no idea who in the family has been told what and how they might feel abut contact?

Best wishes whatever you decide.

Rins

Hermy

rinsjwind wrote: »

Might I timidly suggest that now might be the time to use the admittedly deeply flawed services supplied by the agency or the state to initiate contact.

Having made this mess the state now wants to fix it on its own terms which is not something I'm comfortable with. The months/ years long wait to hear back from them is something I couldn't deal with. Admittedly I've taken three years already but that's all been my own decision.

I realise and completely understand your reluctance to have anything to do with them but this sort of thing is what they do day in day out and they're not all complete a******s!!

I certainly don't think they're all bad. I've actually worked with one or two of them in the past who were good people. But why a social worker? What exactly is their role in all of this? So far I've been relying on the skills I've gained as a keen amateur genealogist to locate my birth mother - skills I dare say many social workers don't have.

If you do decide to contact solo tread carefully, you have no idea who in the family has been told what and how they might feel abut contact?

I can assure you I have no intention of doing anything rash and the last thing I want is to upset anyone in my attempt to locate my birth mother. Yet at the same time there's a part of me that just wants to pick up the phone, dial a number and ask the person on the other end if Ms Somebody is my mother or not. From my side of the fence that doesn't seem unreasonable just now.

schoolmouse

Hi All,
I just want to share with you the good news that I have at last found my son, it would be hard to communicate to you all the feeling that it brings as I now feel that my family is now complete. The journey has been a difficult one but well worth it, so I say to you all, not to give up as your hard work will eventually pay dividends

Hermy

That is absolutely brilliant news schoolmouse.
Well done!:)

Eamo71

whitemoon wrote: »

Depends on when you were born. My aunt was a nurse in St James and she also gave birth to her 3 children there. That would have been in the mid 70's. So it is quite possible that you were born there.

St James's was called St Kevin's Hospital back then. I was born there too and adopted from St pat's Navan Road. There was a separate section in Kevin's for the unmarried mothers as they didn't want them infecting the good, decent married women having babies :-).
apparently that section was, so I'm told, a former leprosy unit... ah Ireland.

Hermy

Eamo71 wrote: »

apparently that section was, so I'm told a former leprosy unit... ah Ireland.

That made me laugh.:o

Ghekko

Hermy any update? I wonder if you did contact the adoption agency asking for confirmation if this woman is your bm, would they be quicker to tell you - rather than having you wait months, as they do with people initiating a trace? If you mentioned you are on the verge of contacting this woman does anyone known if the agency may step in quickly? I have read so many posts and the hand books and even got excited when I saw a woman on fb whose kids resembled Dh!! (Turns out she was looking for her bm though). So when I calmed down and thought about it I think it might be a good idea to talk to social worker and for them to talk to bm (if we ever find her) and see the lay of the land on both sides and what contact, if any, dh's bm would agree to.

Hermy

No update Ghekko but thanks for asking.

As with every other stage in this process I've tended to sit on each new piece of information for quite a while until I'm comfortable with it before proceeding to the next stage. So although (or because) I believe I may be in touching distance of my goal I'm in no hurry to take the next step.

You may have something there about a quicker response from the authorities if I explain that I am on the verge of contact but who knows what they might do if I go down that road.

From the start I resolved to go this road without them as I want to be in control of things and I fear losing that control if I contact them at this point.

Ghekko

I can understand. It's very frustrating knowing that they can hold back information on a persons origin. However, given you have so much info already it would be a little kick up the backside for the authorities to realise if you can do it then so might hundreds of others if they set their minds and skills to it! Poor social workers might find themselves out of a job😯. Good luck with whatever you decide to do going forward.

Hermy

And what if they kick back...:eek:

Ghekko

Hermy wrote: »

And what if they kick back...:eek:

Hmmm... Could be tricky alright. I suppose their response would be a good indicator of what to do next - if they were good enough to say you have the right woman and let you on your way, then happy days. But I know you run the risk of them taking over and maybe contacting her first. It's a bloody minefield. I am in the process of trawling through all the threads here for any info that might be helpful. Even if Dh has the patience of a saint and can hang around for a couple of years to see a sw, I don't! But it's interesting to read that you do sit on the info for a while before moving on with your search. I would imagine its somewhat triumphant to own that info and have the control you have and would be hard to relinquish it at this point. Soldier on! You have done a mighty job so far and that gives inspiration that others might do the same😀

Hermy

Ghekko wrote: »

...But I know you run the risk of them taking over and maybe contacting her first. It's a bloody minefield.

That's what I'd be afraid of cause sadly I don't trust their motives.

I am in the process of trawling through all the threads here for any info that might be helpful.

Do read them - lots of useful stuff and food for thought!

But it's interesting to read that you do sit on the info for a while before moving on with your search.

It's a lot to take in when you locate your original birth cert, or a photo of a cousin who looks just like you, or your grandparents headstone. The mind goes all a-whirrr so it just seemed the right thing to do to wait till things settle down before taking the next step. It's worked for me so far but the next step will be crossing the Rubicon so I may sit on this a while longer.

I would imagine its somewhat triumphant to own that info and have the control you have and would be hard to relinquish it at this point.

Not so much owning it but definitely finding it has given me enormous satisfaction. The detective work is exciting and when you find what you're looking for it's a great feeling. I'll always remember finding the grandparents headstone - twas a lovely sunny evening and I just felt like I'd finally come home.

Soldier on! You have done a mighty job so far and that gives inspiration that others might do the same.

Well I certainly will soldier on and I hope others can do the same and if my experience can help then all the better.

Hermy

I went to speak to my go between this week and he put me in touch with a relative of the person I believed to be my birth mother. We chatted for about an hour but the upshot is that I've probably gone down the wrong path. I feel very deflated but at least I know now to look elsewhere. I was so sure I had the right person but I've learned a lesson about how easy it is for one small assumption to throw doubt on the whole thing.

So it's back to the drawing board...

I have a few more leads to chase up but I'm also wondering about going down the official route and seeing if my non-identifying information might help my search.

Two questions if anyone can help.

Firstly, now that St. Patrick's Guild is no longer dealing with cases who do I talk to?

And secondly, if I apply for my non-identifying information what happens? Will the Adoption Authority attempt to make contact with my birth mother or will they just send me what they can of my file?

Ghekko

Not sure about St Patrick's guild. If you request non identifying info they don't contact your bm. They will send info they see fit! Dh got bm first name, bf first name, his own original first name which he knew anyway. He was told his place of birth which was the opposite side of the country he always thought it was! He also got their ages. He asked at that point to trace and is still waiting on an appointment with sw - that was last May and he was only 5th on the list then!! It's nuts. Before Christmas I emailed them asking if he had moved up the list and asked his weight, if his bp had siblings. They did reply swiftly and sent a medical cert they had on file. There wasn't much on it but his birth weight was. So you should get bits that will help you and may match what you have found. Dh got his original birth cert with the info they gave, which was something. Just wish they would hurry and arrange a meeting with him now. I have ordered birth certs and marriage certs of possible birth mum but still none the wiser. I came to the conclusion she may have grown up using a second name as was common, and if that's the case sure it's like looking for a needle in a haystack!
Anyway, no harm writing off for your info - check with Adoption Rights Alliance to see where St pats guild files are now.

Hermy

Cheers for the quick reply Ghekko.:)

Ghekko

Just wondering is there any chance the person you spoke to could be putting you off the scent??