Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

Today's woman puts on wigs, fake eyelashes, false fingernails,
sixteen pounds of assorted make-up/shadows/blushes/creams,
living bras, various pads that would make a linebacker envious,
has implants and assorted other surgeries.

Then complains that she cannot find a "real" man.

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"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.

"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."

"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."

"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room.

She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said, 'No, everything is fine.'

'Are you sure?' she asked. 'I'm sure,' I said.

'Isn't there anything I can do for you?' she wanted to know.

'I reckon not,’ I replied."

"Excuse me," said the doctor,

"What does this story have to do with your leg?"

"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"
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To prepare for his big date with a blonde hottie, the young man went up to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.

Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.

Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get sunburn on his” tool".

This young man was determined not to miss this date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.

The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again.

He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured himself a tall, a cool, glass of milk.

He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced an immediate relief of his pain.

The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of milk.

Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed,

"So that's how you guys load those things!"