Having a child under 30 - wasting your life.

DublinWriter

It all depends what you want out of life.

Owen

hoodwinked wrote: »

a child, is something that until you have your own you will never in a million years understand.

That tired old argument ...

westendgirlie

It's not my kids that will be leaving home when they grow up..........it's me!

Sittingpretty

Wow, what an insular, judgemental, tabloid post.

I could be wrong but I'd wager OP is very young.

It takes all sorts and to be honest, the college, travel, work, mortgage, marry, child plan has all become the antithesis of it's original purpose which was to be different. It has become the norm, pedestrian.

Also it is the optimism and lack of wisdom of youth that makes one think you can wait until YOU ready and all your plans will fall into place, oftentimes they don't.

I'm 34 and have children, have done the college, travel thing also, do I wish I was ten years younger when I had them, you bet I do!

hoodwinked

Owen wrote: »

That tired old argument ...

it is a tired old argument i apologise for that, it doesn't change the fact its also true though

Owen

hoodwinked wrote: »

it is a tired old argument i apologise for that, it doesn't change the fact its also true though

All the smilies in the world don't make that statement true.

candy-gal1

it seems a lot of people seem to like the idea of having their children young then being free to do whatever they want at 40 something, rough estimate, but imho would it not be better to be young enough to enjoy your freedom thoroughly in many ways, other than being older and free
? im just asking

westendgirlie

Sittingpretty wrote: »

I'm 34 and have children, have done the college, travel thing also, do I wish I was ten years younger when I had them, you bet I do!

I just want to be ten years younger. My kids can stay the age they are tho

Ps: had my little madams when I was 20 then 23.

westendgirlie

candy-gal1 wrote: »

it seems a lot of people seem to like the idea of having their children young than being free to do whatever they want at 40 something, rough estimate, but imho would it not be better to be young enough to enjoy your freedom thoroughly in many ways, other than being older and free
? im just asking

Depends on your definition of old.

bicardi19

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Ok ok ,maybe 28 would be the minimum,30-33 being a perfect age.

All these single mothers at 18-19 ,the majority of them didnt mean to get pregnant.

You have your school years,then third level education or you enter the job market and try to get yourself in a position to earn a living and forge a decent career for yourself,something that is very important.Having a child at such a young age puts these things on hold.

Growing up, its easy to tell which girls will have a child as soon as they get a chance,its usually the girls from the estates,the ones who wear PJs to the shop,the ones who come from single parent familys themselves,the ones who get a name as being easy,if you get what i mean.

Travel becomes near impossible or very hard at least,kids suck the life from you.

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

I love kids,but i also value my life and i wouldnt have a child until i am some way financially stable and have some direction in life.

If you want to move out of home and dont want to pay 150-200 a week on rent,have a child and the the social will give you a house,then proceed to allow the father/bf to live there with you,the entire county is doing this.

Ive never heard such bull****.

I had my first child at 21, I now have 4 kids. I'm 31 now. Never got a state hand out. Funny though people always assume the above and find it hard to believe we have a mortgage and kids at a young age.

So, no the entire country is not doing it!

candy-gal1

westendgirlie wrote: »

Depends on your definition of old.

well going by what people here are saying, 40 something and their children will be all grown up so they will be free to do whatever they want, but im just saying is it not easier and better for yourself down the line to be young and free with no responsabilities whatsoever, if you can, and then settle down later if you want
?

muff03

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

This is how to win an argument ladies and gents!!

bnt

Remember the phrase "life begins at 40?" It dates back to the era when people were having kids in their late teens or early 20s, so the kids would be leaving home around the time you hit 40.

I'm in that range, and while I don't have kids, I see a lot of my fellow mature students at university are in that range, studying as their kids hit university age. So, if anything, I would say that younger is better, because having a kid is not the end of your life - just a postponement, if that.

westendgirlie

candy-gal1 wrote: »

well going by what people here are saying, 40 something and their children will be all grown up so they will be free to do whatever they want, but im just saying is it not easier and better for yourself down the line to be young and free with no responsabilities whatsoever, if you can, and then settle down later
?

It all comes down to personal choice. Different people want different things all at different times.

Call Me Jimmy

Stop fighting lads! If ye have a kid when you're young then you get it over and done with first and then sit back and relax. If ye have a kid older, ye get to be free when you're young and relax until ye 'settle down'.

If ye don't have a kid, ye get to relax when you're young and middle-aged, then do some more relaxin until ye're too old/dead to experience any feeling of relaxation.

candy-gal1

bnt wrote: »

Remember the phrase "life begins at 40?" It dates back to the era when people were having kids in their late teens or early 20s, so the kids would be leaving home around the time you hit 40.

I'm in that range, and while I don't have kids, I see a lot of my fellow mature students at university are in that range, studying as their kids hit university age. So, if anything, I would say that younger is better, because having a kid is not the end of your life - just a postponement, if that.

i take your opinion there, and thats great for you if thats what you want, but after all the postponements theres a chance
(for everyone, not just child bearers/parents) you may not even survive/live till your child/ren are the moving out age, then the things you wanted to do for yourself in being free etc may never come about, that thought scares me imho a hell of a lot tbh.

Squall19

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Ok ok ,maybe 28 would be the minimum,30-33 being a perfect age.

All these single mothers at 18-19 ,the majority of them didnt mean to get pregnant.

You have your school years,then third level education or you enter the job market and try to get yourself in a position to earn a living and forge a decent career for yourself,something that is very important.Having a child at such a young age puts these things on hold.

Growing up, its easy to tell which girls will have a child as soon as they get a chance,its usually the girls from the estates,the ones who wear PJs to the shop,the ones who come from single parent familys themselves,the ones who get a name as being easy,if you get what i mean.

Travel becomes near impossible or very hard at least,kids suck the life from you.

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

I love kids,but i also value my life and i wouldnt have a child until i am some way financially stable and have some direction in life.

If you want to move out of home and dont want to pay 150-200 a week on rent,have a child and the the social will give you a house,then proceed to allow the father/bf to live there with you,the entire county is doing this.

My girlfriend has a female friend from work who like you didn't want kids till she was 32.

She wanted to get a degree, travel for a bit, get married, save for a few years so she didn't need a huge mortgage.

She did all that, got her qualification, went abroad, saved about 15k a year with her husband and got a smallish mortgage.

She started trying for a baby to no avail, after seeing a few specialists it turns out she is infertile.

That was a few years ago and now she is almost 40, I think she has actually given up now.I hope she hasn't as there is always hope.

Anyway point is, in every decision you make a mistake!!

So be careful.

homerjay2005

tasha200 wrote: »

I hate little condecending twits. So yeah, defo dont breed.

i dont think she was talking about you personally, just a general observation and in some respects she is right. you have a kid, you are happy. thats great for you and im sure you wudnt change it for the world. and you know no different.

i used to think i would be married by 25, with 3 children by the time i am 30. how quickly i changed my mind once i hit college and started to see how obsessed people are with kids and marraige and how boring their lives become once kids arrive.

there is more to life than kids and i think some people are too quick to take it on board. i know alot of people are happy to have kids, but there are people, who have children at 19 and 20 and, while some wont admit it, their life as they wanted it to be is ruined. and, alot of them dont deserve to be parents and are unable to rare them properly.

Squall19 wrote: »

My girlfriend has a female friend from work who like you didn't want kids till she was 32.

She started trying for a baby to no avail, after seeing a few specialists it turns out she is infertile.

That was a few years ago and now she is almost 40, I think she has actually given up now.I hope she hasn't as there is always hope.

Anyway point is, in every decision you make a mistake!!

So be careful.

errm, she was probably infertile at 25 also, so your point is irrelevant.

candy-gal1

Squall19 wrote: »

My girlfriend has a female friend from work who like you didn't want kids till she was 32.

She wanted to get a degree, travel for a bit, get married, save for a few years so she didn't need a huge mortgage.

She did all that, got her qualification, went abroad, saved about 15k a year with her husband and got a smallish mortgage.

She started trying for a baby to no avail, after seeing a few specialists it turns out she is infertile.

That was a few years ago and now she is almost 40, I think she has actually given up now.I hope she hasn't as there is always hope.

Anyway point is, in every decision you make a mistake!!

So be careful.

exactly, but there are some mistakes you cant/or may be hard to take back imho

she may have been fertile all along though, no
?

JONJO THE MISER

Kaneda_ wrote: »

You have your school years,then third level education or you enter the job market and try to get yourself in a position to earn a living and forge a decent career for yourself,something that is very important.

Not everyone wants a career, you know that dont you?

candy-gal1

JONJO THE MISER wrote: »

Not everyone wants a career, you know that dont you?

yes, but you do need to have some kind of a career/savings before thinking of settling down/having kids etc, unless your either rich/going to sponge off your partner/sponge off the state forever, or the best part of imho.

homerjay2005

candy-gal1 wrote: »

exactly, but there are some mistakes you cant/or may be hard to take back imho

exactly. how many single parents regret that one night stand after coppers, that left them with a child and stuck in a house all day with a 4 year old child as their best friend...

thats what you call a mistake, not taking the decision to enjoy your life and live it,and try to raise kids in the environment they deserve - a stable home with parents who both have their kids at their best interests, not somebody who may want to be somewhere else.

homerjay2005

JONJO THE MISER wrote: »

Not everyone wants a career, you know that dont you?

well the better the career you have, the better chance your children have of having a good up bringing.

its not possible to raise a child properly on minimum wage or on the dole.

and when i say a career, i mean a simple 9-5 job that can afford to pay the mortgage and bills and not be worried about the kids going to school with tatty clothes and hungry some days.

people forget, that if you neglect things such as your health, your sanity, your career, even your marraige/relationship, then the child will suffer in the long run.

JONJO THE MISER

I have never seen a country more obsessed with people having a career.
I have lived in Can the states and Aus and you dont see nowhere near the same obsession over there with careers.

Squall19

candy-gal1 wrote: »

exactly, but there are some mistakes you cant/or may be hard to take back imho

she may have been fertile all along though, no
?

It was just a common problem, blocked tubes or something like that but it went undiagnosed for years had progressed and it was almost too late at that stage.

If she had been trying for a baby at 23-26 the problem would have been spotted and the treatment wouldn't have been that intensive the doctors were saying.

Anyway you can tell that OP doesn't have much life experience, because if you ask any woman they will tell you, that there drive for a career, education, travel and all that goes out the window when they have kids.

None of those things matter anymore when they have kids and the education they had, places they have seen, don't count for much when it's 800 euro a month per child for creche fee's.You would want a hell of an education to go back to work for those prices :eek:

JONJO THE MISER

homerjay2005 wrote: »

well the better the career you have, the better chance your children have of having a good up bringing.

Who told you this?
What utter crap you talk, the vast majority of people i know there parents never had a career and they got raised perfectly well, actually a lot better than a lot of the spoilt greedy and superficial kids raised by people who think money is the be all and end all.

Squall19

homerjay2005 wrote: »

errm, she was probably infertile at 25 also, so your point is irrelevant.

It was treatable then, the female body is at its most fertile at 14-19 years old.

That's a fact.Media might tell you its 20's but that's bull****.

After teens it slows down and at 30 your body is getting old, after that it rapidly slows down.

candy-gal1

Squall19 wrote: »

It was just a common problem, blocked tubes or something like that but it went undiagnosed for years had progressed and it was almost too late at that stage.

If she had been trying for a baby at 23-26 the problem would have been spotted and the treatment wouldn't have been that intensive the doctors were saying.

Anyway you can tell that OP doesn't have much life experience, because if you ask any woman they will tell you, that there drive for a career, education, travel and all that goes out the window when they have kids.

None of those things matter anymore when they have kids and the education they had, places they have seen, don't count for much when it's 800 euro a month per child for creche fee's.You would want a hell of an education to go back to work for those prices :eek:

well im very sorry to hear that there, hope it does all work out for her, if she really does want a child. but if all that career prospects/education/travel go out the window when someone has children then all the more reason to get it all out of the way before having children, unless having a child is the only thing on their life/priorties list. thats just imho though.

Shivers26

*sigh*

I had my first child at 16 and my second at 24. I never left school, and did my Leaving Cert with the rest of my friends. I went to college and finished my degree and as soon as I finished college I started working full time and have continued to work full time in a professional career ever since. I am 29 now.

I am in a long term relationship and getting married in a couple of months.

I own my own house and have never lived in council housing.

I go on holidays / short breaks every year (with and without the kids).

When does all the life sucking start?

WonderWoman!

What does living in council housing have to do with anything ?

Geekness1234

Possibly the best thing you can tell a girl you just knocked up.

Shivers26

Kaneda_ wrote: »

If you want to move out of home and dont want to pay 150-200 a week on rent,have a child and the the social will give you a house,then proceed to allow the father/bf to live there with you,the entire county is doing this.

Wonder Woman: What does council living in council housing have to do with anything?

I just referenced it in my post in response to the OP. I was just pointing out that I never received hand outs of any kind even though I was a single mother at 16. I my act together and worked hard to get everything I have.

WonderWoman!

Shivers26 wrote: »

Wonder Woman: What does council living in council housing have to do with anything?

I just referenced it in my post in response to the OP. I was just pointing out that I never received hand outs of any kind even though I was a single mother at 16. I my act together and worked hard to get everything I have.

fair play to you

but not everyone who gets handouts find it easy , some people feel its the most demeaning thing they have to do - but they have to survive simply .

I don't get people looking down their noses at those people either

Dudess

ITT: People who feel their choices are the correct ones, and everyone else should feel the same way they feel.

Although having a child VERY young, as in mid teens, can be hard - and make the parent(s) wish it happened later than it did, but it's not necessarily a life wasted.

Shivers26

WonderWoman! wrote: »

I don't get people looking down their noses at those people either

I most definitely do not look down my nose as anybody. I really don't.

Obviously having a child at 16 was no picnic and it would have been better to wait til I was older but these things happen and I was just lucky that my life was not totally ruined as a result of having children young.

Morag

Until we have free contraceptives for the under 25 and comprehensive sex ed in schools there will always be un planned pregnancies and people pressurised into having and keeping the baby.

But it's a baby it's not cancer, it's not a death sentence and just because a people had thier kids before 30 doesn't mean they are a burned on the state or that they will end up minding their grand kids.

annascott

tasha200 wrote: »

I am a mother of three, and my 11 year old son could right a post with more maturity than the op.... condecending and patronising, and I really hope the op doesnt have any kids, for a long long time, and when he/she does, he/she comes back on the this thread and reads exactly how ignorant and immature he/she was.

I hate little condecending twits. So yeah, defo dont breed.

:eek:

WonderWoman!

Shivers26 wrote: »

I most definitely do not look down my nose as anybody. I really don't.
.

I wasnt talking about you but people speak about benefits and council estate living like its a trend or something - People would give their eye teeth not to be on the dole - Would you rather our people starve?

as for council estates I'm not getting whats wrong - they pay rent right?

theg81der

Op I would have agreed with you years ago but i`m 30 now and having difficulty getting pregnant. I wish i`d made a few more "mistakes" i realise now things aren`t black and white. Maybe if i had a good career, which i don`t, i would feel vindicaded in my decisions but i just feel silly now.

My biggest concern about the whole situation is that the world is over populated and i do feel it is selfish for people to just go around not in control of their base instincts - haven`t we evolved?! no we haven`t apparently and i should have thought less. I, and you, may be right but right is a lonely place to be when you love kids and are left with none.

tasha200

Just wanted to pop back and apologise for my typo, ofcourse while writing my reply I was so busy worrying about all the ironing, and how I have only ever visited 12 different countries and how uncultured I am, and what with the fag hanging out my mouth and the child hanging off my t*t... I just couldnt concentrate... was also trying to clean my lovely council house with aldi cleaning products while on the phone to my social welfare officer looking for money for some cheap cans and new pyjamas to wear down the local, while my three kids hang about outside sharing one bag of taytos.
I was also thinking about how my unemployed man was snoring upstairs and hiding his shoes incase the single parent inspectors come round like...
and then i was also trying to Bebo my old school mates, ofcourse i done them proud by getting up the duff three times before im 35 and also while I was replying I was looking at the wall with all my lovely kids portraits, and thinking I should just take two of them down and put one of them on the wall seeing as they are all pretty much identical, even though each looks like their dad, so how they look identical what with them having three different dads and all, no wonder I didnt get time to go to school, college or even university, oh, wait, I forgot I did jesus, all that not being financially stable thing has given me early onset alzheimers....
Sorry for the typo, my life was ruined by my kids, but its no excuse for shabby spelling,my 11 year old child can spell better than me, but that wont last long seeing as he comes from such a bad example of a mother he'll be out on the streets getting some young thing wearing pyjamas pregnant by the time he is 14 x awwwwww

westendgirlie

Lol

right OP, I'm just gonna start living my life the way you want me to...right....NOW!:rolleyes:

Why get so bothered about what other people miss out on? It doesn't affect your life, so get over it.

westendgirlie

I'd forgotten there was an OP in this thread

Best wishes theg81der x

Da Shins Kelly

What ever happened to live and let live?

pragmatic1

deisedave wrote: »

Dude get a life, At what point did she mention she was taking state hand outs. By the way even if she is it still would not be any of your business.

Insightful stuff. Notice the word "if". Then maybe go back and actually read the comments in there context before you get your knickers in a twist.

pragmatic1

goalscoringhero wrote: »

I don't think you're basing your argument on a solid foundation here by taking the 'it is my tax therefore I'll dictate'(TM) stance.

There are legal entitlements for people, regardless whether you, the taxpayer or anyone else does agree. Looking further ahead, should you not be happy about the future tax intake by newly created prospective future taxpayers when you have retired and come looking for your state pension?

No sorry dude. The world owes you nothing and it isnt up to the next man/woman to look after your family financially.

WonderWoman!

Da Shins Kelly wrote: »

What ever happened to live and let live?

Never existed in AH - thats why im rarely in here

CiaranC

Dudess wrote: »

but it's not necessarily a life wasted.

Ah it is though

Junco Partner

why is it assumed that only scumbag girls from council estates have kids young?

triple-M

I totally agree with op,heres my view on it,my o/h just had our first child 6 weeks ago were both in our early 20's(22 and 20) and feel like a large part of our life has been taken from us we both have worked in basic jobs such as retail etc,we never had much chance to progress up the career ladder which we both were planning pre pregnancy to do by going back to fulltime education.

we never got the chance to move out together or even take a holiday as a couple shes my first g/f and I was naive and clumsy and didnt think it was so easy to get her pregnant.

We both had bigger and better plans than having a baby such as focusing on our careers and saving to buy a house now this plan is on hold and needs to be changed,yeah shes the cutest baby ever in our eyes etc etc but it would be great if she could of come in a few years down the line when we are able to provide for her better e.g us not be on welfare benefits or working in menial jobs and living at home with parents as im terrified that we might end up in the welfare trap now like the other half of the country cos "I knocked me missus up".