Having a child under 30 - wasting your life.

ash23

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

You should live your life all the time not just when you are young, why live your life when you are young and not old too. When you are old you will be in the now too. Every moment of your your life is in the now.

Also if someone is old now, they are old and in the now and can "live their life" and go travelling so that isn't an improbable future it is the present for them.

The same could be applied to somebody saying they'll have kids in their 30s or 40s. That's living in the future in the same way that me saying "I'll travel when I'm 38 and my child is an adult".
Someone else might say "I'll travel now and have kids when I'm 38".

Neither of us will know where we will be at 38 and if we'll be able to travel or have children.

Siuin

VenusPlays wrote: »

I had my son at 22. I have a good job, own my own house, drive a good car, have great friends, go out when I can. Yes sometimes I want to tear my hair out. But sometimes I also feel like the sun was made to shine down on me and only me, thats how good my life is. Its certainly far from 'wasted'

Don't suppose the lad is a Barney fan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVtGLL9qXME

Leftist

If you're a bloke you're sorted. Have a kid whenever you want, you can always walk out if you're not up for it. They'll find someone else to look after your socks (some other c...'s kids), this is what you get for voting in divorce.

VenusPlays

Siuin wrote: »

Don't suppose the lad is a Barney fan?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVtGLL9qXME

Well he's 14 now but I may well make that my anthem for the day

eyescreamcone

Leftist wrote: »

If you're a bloke you're sorted. Have a kid whenever you want, you can always walk out if you're not up for it. They'll find someone else to look after your socks (some other c...'s kids), this is what you get for voting in divorce.

Miaow

Sala

A lot of people here seem to be of the opinion that your life is put on hold once you have kids and it resumes once they are grown up. All this talk about living your life while you're young, wasting your youth etc. is a bit dramatic. I don't have children yet but I presume parents, of any age, still think that they have a life!

I think having kids young takes away opportunities to do different things. Not necessarily worse or better, just limited. Not everyone wants to travel etc. so assuming someone wasted their youth is a bit presumptuous.
In my case, I do want to do different things so it would be wasted opportunities, not a wasted youth. Can't wait to have kids and I had a very calm head through the last two scares.

username_x

I was born when my mum was 22. My dad legged it, but my mother gave me the best that she could all of the time. She passed away when I was 13, but my mum was undeniably the best I could of ever asked for. She was so easy to get along with, and very laid back compared to the rest of my parents friends. I couldn't imagine having parents the same age as some of my friends, who weren't even allowed to breathe without their parents permission at times!!!

Kanoe

I'm 36 and my daughter is practically raised and hopefully heading away to college this time next year. I did what I could with what I had and gave the best years of my life to being a full time working mother. I didn't have anything outside of that for sure but I think that at 36 I'm young enough to start enjoying life again.

It was hard when I was young but now I see the people I grew up with who didn't start having kids until recently and will be in their fifties before their kids head off to college. Not that they can't reclaim their life fully then but just glad I get to put in a few years now while I can. I'm having a lot of fun and I have the sagacity of parenthood behind me, which kinda helps.

Scanlas The 2nd

Kanoe wrote: »

I'm 36 and my daughter is practically raised and hopefully heading away to college this time next year. I did what I could with what I had and gave the best years of my life to being a full time working mother. I didn't have anything outside of that for sure but I think that at 36 I'm young enough to start enjoying life again.

It was hard when I was young but now I see the people I grew up with who didn't start having kids until recently and will be in their fifties before their kids head off to college. Not that they can't reclaim their life fully then but just glad I get to put in a few years now while I can. I'm having a lot of fun and I have the sagacity of parenthood behind me, which kinda helps.

At what age are you not able to enjoy life?

Eric Cartman

ash23 wrote: »

Do people really think life becomes all about the kids once you have them?
Don't get me wrong, they're work.
They eat up a fair amount of disposable income. But having kids doesn't mean you have to be a parent and a parent alone.
Holidays, travel, nights out, a social life, work, a career.....it's possible to still do it all even if you are a parent and have kids.
I'm planning on heading to Paris in the New Year with my daughter for her 9th birthday. No I won't be able to go and drink all day but having her with me won't stop me doing anything else in Paris that I would do with a partner or alone.

while i know your right , It wouldnt be in best practice to sit around your house smoking weed with mates , having people over for parties till 4am or being in the pub 4-5 nights a week with a toddler , you can get away with that stuff when your 25 , you cant get away with it when your 40 so youd be better off looking after kids then

everythings ok to do in your 20s and to a certain extent 30s , your 40s whether you like it or not will be a lot calmer so it would be easier to look after a kid without 'missing out'

ash23

Eric Cartman wrote: »

while i know your right , It wouldnt be in best practice to sit around your house smoking weed with mates , having people over for parties till 4am or being in the pub 4-5 nights a week with a toddler , you can get away with that stuff when your 25 , you cant get away with it when your 40 so youd be better off looking after kids then

everythings ok to do in your 20s and to a certain extent 30s , your 40s whether you like it or not will be a lot calmer so it would be easier to look after a kid without 'missing out'

Mmmmm.....I was never into weed as a "youngster".
I still have mates over for parties when the kiddo is away and I was never one for the pub 4-5 nights a week either.
I'm still in my 20s and the social life is picking up more the older the kiddo gets. By the time I'm 34 I won't really need babysitters or anything so can do as I please to a certain extent.

CiaranC

ash23 wrote: »

By the time I'm 34 I won't really need babysitters or anything so can do as I please to a certain extent.

Sounds awesome

ash23

CiaranC wrote: »

Sounds awesome

Yeah, life is pretty awesome. And it'll be even more awesome when I can take the €50 quid I spend on babysitters and blow it on soft drugs and shots. Then I'll really be "living". :rolleyes:

Paparazzo

Kanoe wrote: »

I'm 36 and my daughter is practically raised and hopefully heading away to college this time next year. I did what I could with what I had and gave the best years of my life to being a full time working mother. I didn't have anything outside of that for sure but I think that at 36 I'm young enough to start enjoying life again.

It was hard when I was young but now I see the people I grew up with who didn't start having kids until recently and will be in their fifties before their kids head off to college. Not that they can't reclaim their life fully then but just glad I get to put in a few years now while I can. I'm having a lot of fun and I have the sagacity of parenthood behind me, which kinda helps.

I know a few people in your situation. The lesson is, if you want kids, there's benefits to having them early or late

I know people that píssed away every penny in the pub watching football in the pub every saturday, sunday and midweek and they thought the girl raising the child at 22 was "wasting her life".
Each to their own!
Also, where did the idea come from that you're not allowed to travel when you have kids? I have a kid on the way and fully intend to travel.

Azureus

Paparazzo wrote: »

Also, where did the idea come from that you're not allowed to travel when you have kids? I have a kid on the way and fully intend to travel.

I think it comes from the fact that kids need routine, whether it be when they hit school age and need to be at home apart from the summer months, or even before that. That and the cost of having kids/additional cost of travelling with them. Its not to say its impossible, very far from it, but its certainly not for everybody.
Personally I love the freedom of being able to hop on a plane to god knows where and not have to worry about it being 'child friendly' (is it too hot for children? does it have enough to keep them entertained? etc). There is far more to take into account when you've kids in tow.

Paparazzo

Azureus wrote: »

I think it comes from the fact that kids need routine, whether it be when they hit school age and need to be at home apart from the summer months, or even before that. That and the cost of having kids/additional cost of travelling with them. Its not to say its impossible, very far from it, but its certainly not for everybody.
Personally I love the freedom of being able to hop on a plane to god knows where and not have to worry about it being 'child friendly' (is it too hot for children? does it have enough to keep them entertained? etc). There is far more to take into account when you've kids in tow.

Highlited the important bit . Of course it's harder to do, but for me, not a reason not to have kids. There's enough places in the world to go to without worrying about having to compromise and go somewhere you don't really want to because it's not child fiendly. And as soon as the child is over the age of about 5, heat doesn't matter. And I can still go on a weekend away with my mates, wife can do the same. I think some people think live is over when you have kids.
As I said earlier, each to their own, some want kids early, some late, some not at all.
I do think when people are older and retired they'll regret not having kids.

bronte

Paparazzo wrote: »

I do think when people are older and retired they'll regret not having kids.

Of course they will...poor dears will only have their cats for company.
And then when they die, the cats will eat their remains.

The poor things.

Paparazzo

bronte wrote: »

Of course they will...poor dears will only have their cats for company.
And then when they die, the cats will eat their remains.

The poor things.

And they'll leave their things to the cats and dogs home

Kanoe

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

At what age are you not able to enjoy life?

I think about my parents and how it was for them, my mother stayed at home to raise us and my father went out to work. He was due to retire early at 55 and at 54 was diagnosed with cancer and died the following year. It pains me to think that they spent their lives living for us basically, to feed clothe and educate us and when the time came for them to be able to live with greater freedoms he died. Life is just not fair that way and I hope to get a few years out of it while I can. and enjoy the freedom that comes without having to take a dependant into account on every decision I make for myself. I know I certainly get to appreciate things more than I did before and with it expands the capacity to enjoy life to its fullest.

stovelid

Cill Dara Abu wrote: »

Oh the ironing

I understood the point she made perfectly despite the spelling mistake.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say it was infinitely more worthwhile than any of your posts that I've ever read?

Irish Steve

haven't read all 7 pages, so I may be saying something already said, or even possibly disagreeing with views expressed so far.

We had both of our children before we were 30, having married at 20, which was young for the time, but we're still together nearly 40 years later, and one of the nice aspects of having our children at that age is that we're still young enough to be able to be actively involved with and enjoying the grandchildren.

I'm not going down the road of single parents and the other areas other than to say that there are some significant social issues in that whole scenario that are bigger and wider than we're going to come close to finding any answers to in a thread like this.


Steve

Squall19

Kanoe wrote: »

I think about my parents and how it was for them, my mother stayed at home to raise us and my father went out to work. He was due to retire early at 55 and at 54 was diagnosed with cancer and died the following year. It pains me to think that they spent their lives living for us basically, to feed clothe and educate us and when the time came for them to be able to live with greater freedoms he died. Life is just not fair that way and I hope to get a few years out of it while I can. and enjoy the freedom that comes without having to take a dependant into account on every decision I make for myself. I know I certainly get to appreciate things more than I did before and with it expands the capacity to enjoy life to its fullest.

He probably died a very happy man knowing he done his best for his kids.

He didn't waste his life living for you, not at all, you were his life.

The love of a family is life's greatest blessing;)

Duiske

Kaneda_ wrote: »

Ok ok ,maybe 28 would be the minimum,30-33 being a perfect age.

All these single mothers at 18-19 ,the majority of them didnt mean to get pregnant.

You have your school years,then third level education or you enter the job market and try to get yourself in a position to earn a living and forge a decent career for yourself,something that is very important.Having a child at such a young age puts these things on hold.

Growing up, its easy to tell which girls will have a child as soon as they get a chance,its usually the girls from the estates,the ones who wear PJs to the shop,the ones who come from single parent familys themselves,the ones who get a name as being easy,if you get what i mean.

Travel becomes near impossible or very hard at least,kids suck the life from you.

Every baby looks the same the first few weeks.

I love kids,but i also value my life and i wouldnt have a child until i am some way financially stable and have some direction in life.

If you want to move out of home and dont want to pay 150-200 a week on rent,have a child and the social will give you a house,then proceed to allow the father/bf to live there with you, the entire county is doing this.

And what county would this be ? An abundance of sluts and free lodgings sounds rather delightful. I'm packed and ready to go.

illumi

The great thing about life is that we all have the right to choose our own goals, make our own decisions and have our own priorities.
The sad thing about life is that many people believe they have the right to judge people over the decisions they make, or think they are better people for the way they live their lives. I pity those people.

I for one have no problem with the OP for wanting kids after 30, its her choice. But I do have a problem with her judging other young women and young women who choose to have kids when they are young, claiming its a waste of life. Yes, a career is important, but so is family.

Some people choose a career and some choose having a family.

I chose to have kids young because I am a family oriented person and do not regret it. I never cared about going out, partying, travelling or having a huge career.
Having kids young was not a waste of my life. It fulfilled it.
It didn't work out with the father and me. But I have a loving partner in my life for the last few years who is very good to me and my kids. I have the family I always wanted.
We take care of everything ourselves. We just get by, but we have everything we need and lack nothing. We are happy as a family. The only payment from the state we get would be CB. But everyone who has kids is entitled to that.

I do not begrudge any single parent the 29 euros they get off the state per week for 1 child and the 184 euros they get for themselves.
And I would not judge them for living off of OPFP or call them spongers.

This thing about free houses as a OPF living off the welfare is ridiculous. I know families who have jobs and got council houses without having to draw the welfare first. How soon you would be offered a home from the council will depend on

how urgent housing is needed, how popular the area is that you have applied for, the size and type of property you need and how often vacant properties come up.

A friend of mine who is a single parent got a house offered after 10 years of waiting.
Until then she lived with her Mother and Sister.

I don't believe that security is a reason to put having a family on hold. Just look at what's happening to 1000's of families around the country now who thought they were secure. And I know for a fact that it was not the SW recipients who drained this country.

But my point is that no one has the right to judge others for the decisions they make in their lives. Its their life, its their choice.
Choose what makes you happy, what you want, and never care what anybody else thinks. Be it career or having a family when you're young.
Both can be great things.

Dudess

Paparazzo wrote: »

where did the idea come from that you're not allowed to travel when you have kids? I have a kid on the way and fully intend to travel.

That doesn't make sense. You could have the intention to do anything, but that doesn't mean you'll do it when your child is born. Having kids is wonderful but hard, hard work. I'm not saying it means you definitely won't travel, but it will restrict you a great deal. When people talk about "travel" they mean heading off for six months, a year, not just holidays. And the former is most certainly not something you can do if you have children. Unless you have endless money supplies.

Dudess

Squall19 wrote: »

30 is old for a woman, she is well past her physical peak/beauty at that age.

By the time a model is 30, her beauty has gone.She is washed up, that's a model, not a normal girl!

Most normal women are going downhill at 23-24, at 28 there is a noticeable difference in looks between her 28 year old self and 19 year old self.

Ah, a young child's simplistic and silly view of the world.
Stats pulled out of their arse too.