Teens and alcohol

KittyeeTrix

My son is 17 and a half and we allow him to have social nights out with his friends where there is alcohol involved. He was out last night and all was grand, and was up this morning for training...

The way we look at it is that we could either turn a blind eye to the fact that he is having a few drinks with his friends or we can ensure that we teach him responsibility with respect to alcohol...

It seems to be working for us. What approach have any of ye taken with yer teens or what approach do ye think ye might use when yer kids become teens??

qwertytlk

My only child is still a young baby, but i reckon i would be going down the same route as yourself. Imean whats the point in pretending he is not going to drink before he is 18 when the vast majority of teens do. As long as he is not drinking at a ridicilously young age like 13 or something then i will be ok with it. Id like it if he waited untill he was over 16 at the least, but the way kids in ireland seem to start young these days, i may have a battle on my hands. Hopefully i can bring him up in such a way that he respects alcohol and understands the dangers of drinking...and not just pretend to and then do it behind my back.

KittyeeTrix

Our lad was 16 and he had 2 bad nights where the guards picked him up. He wasn't abusive or causing any trouble but more a danger to himself.....

This was how we discovered he was drinking and it was a shock as he is a top athlete who never smokes and is very mannerly around the house. He hasbeen great tho' for the past year and I now feel confident in letting him go fir a night out with friends.

He knows we are watching him and want him to have a good night without getting into grief:)

He's definitely got his attitude sorted now when it comes to drinking compared to a year ago!!

Justask

I was brought up with alcohol in the house, never was it made as a taboo. I was allowed have a glass of wine with 7up in it from the age of 14 or 15, sitting at the dinner table, I never really wanted it and the same with my brother. Now we are very light drinkers, i never really took to it even as a older teenager. Friends used to go 'Knacker' drinking and I used to say why in gods name would you want to sit in a mucky field and drink until you got sick
On the other hand I was not allowed coffee or tea untill I was 16 and now have a very unhealthy relationship with them.

I think if you stop a teens doing something the more attractive it becomes and the more they want it.
My child is allowed to have wine with 7up with dinner but he doesnt like it and I never really have it at home but its not that he is forbidden to have it.
Hes also allowed to drink tea and coffee, again hes not a fan of either.

KittyeeTrix

Just read back over my last post and noticed all the typos!!!!:o Please excuse them as I'm posting from my mobile

Cill Dara Abu

You all do know that all this is illegal right?

lonestargirl

Cill Dara Abu wrote: »

You all do know that all this is illegal right?

No it's not. There's no age limit for consuming alcohol in a private home.

@OP, I would favour introducing alcohol at home in a responsible manner. It's how I was brought up and myself and my siblings are all light drinkers who just enjoy a social drink on occasion. I also think it's very important to lead by example, my parents would drink most weekends but I have never ever seen them drunk.

Cill Dara Abu

It's illegal for whoever is buying the alcohol and giving it to minors!!

username123

Cill Dara Abu wrote: »

You all do know that all this is illegal right?

No it isnt. See here

The relevant bit:

Intoxicating Liquor Acts
Under the Intoxicating Liquor Acts, it is an offence to sell alcohol to anyone under the age of 18. Anyone found guilty of doing so is liable on summary conviction in a District Court to a fine not exceeding €3,000 for a first offence and €5,000 euro for a second and any subsequent offence.

It is an offence to buy alcohol for people under the age of 18. It is also an offence to give alcohol to anyone under the age of 18 unless in a domestic home and they have parental consent.

Morag

If your kid gets so drunk they have to be brought to hospital while under your supervision
then you can be done for neglect, other then that, there is no restriction on letting your teen have a few drinks at home with you.

Mine are early teens and they get offered a sip of what I am drinking and get offered a watered glass of wine on a Sunday with dinner and they still say, 'do we have to try it' and aren't bothered. Making it completely taboo cuases more issues then rearing them to be drink aware.

StarMom

No I agree it is better to let them drink in your supervision..........if you dont most likely they will be out knacker drinking.
If its done at home you know they are safe and you can teach them to drink responsibly and tell tehm when tehy need to stop/slow down on teh drink!
My parents did that with me and drink is no big deal to me now like I might have a bottle of wine with my hubby on a friday/saturday night and if I go out Im out with friends or with the hubby I know when to slow down or stop drinking altogether
Basically its no novelty to teens if you let them have a drink or two with you so when they do go out with friends they wont be like wow Ill make the most of this lol!

old hippy

Had my first beer at 14. The parents supplied it at the party!!!!

Had the occasional at parties and then started going to the pubs at 17.

My parents were relatively strict about it & kept checking up, as a result, I got a lot of grief off friends about it.

Kids are going to experiment, might as well let them get on with it - long as it's in moderation and nobody's getting hurt.

The Princess Bride

I was brought up in a very strict- "alcohol is destructive" environment, and couldn't wait to try it,tbh. Had my first drink aged 16,while working in England and out with an older cousin.


We always try to treat our children with respect and let them make their own choices,(within reason,obviously).They've tried wine with meals at home/special occasions, not pushed but that's all they've tasted.
They've never seen either of us drunk.To be honest,I can take or leave alcohol now-there was a time in my 20s I was a step away from becoming a serious drinker,thankfully,I copped on in time.

My oldest is almost 17 and was horrified to see some of her classmates(not friends,thankfully) drunk at post Junior cert party last year.
Right now,I want them to see it's great to go out and have a few drinks(alcohol or non) and have a good time without getting wasted etc....

No guarantees,of course,they'll all do their own thing regardless when they leave home.

lazygal

My parents took a pretty pragmatic approach to drink. From about 15 on we were allowed to have a glass of wine with Sunday dinner or on a Saturday evening with them, likewise we could help ourselves to a beer or whatever if we wanted. It created a very good attitude towards alcohol with me and my siblings, we rarely joined in the "cans down the local field" sessions because we had a nice warm place at home to drink and we didn't drink excessively. My husband's parents had a similar attitude, ie they knew their teenage children would have a drink so decided to be practical about it.


It worked for us, looking back the big boozers in school and college were those with teetotal or very strict parents, who seemed to view drink as much more of a novelty than I did.

Tomk1

Which is better:
CASE A:
-teen1 to teen2 "Go on be a rebel have a beer"
-teen2 "But I'm not allowed, my parents would kill me"
-teen1 "Ahh go one it's great crack"

Case B:
-teen1 to teen2 "Go on be a rebel have a beer"
-teen2 "But I just had a glass of Merlot with my parents at dinner, also Dutch Gold is real mank"
-teen1 "O"


What get's me is once you turn 18 it's legally AOK to get polluted. I think there should almost be a licence to drink, along the same line as a driving licence, a written test before you can even get a two year provisional drinking licence. So many points and your on the dry.

cynder

My lady is 12 and has a glass or 2 of west coast cooler/ baileys/ wine/ a half glass of tia maria and milk and maybe a half glass of beer. We rarely have alcohol in the house but when we do she is allowed some. I cant find a minimum age in ireland but in the uk the minimum age is 5, when the child is in the domestic home and have parents consent. I was allowed to have a glass of wine/sherry/beer at an early age and at 14 i was allowed a can, but now i rarely drink even if i go out on a night i will only have one drink.

I dont think its right for kids to see adults/parents drunk and i dont think any adult should get drunk if they are going to be the sole career of a child (single mothers with no babysitter staying over night, 2 parents in the house who are drunk if one gets drunk the other should be sober) I think its up to parents to show kids that you can have a drink enjoy yourself but you dont have to get drunk.

kneeler

I think it is wrong to give children drink at any age. When they are 18 it is ok. I was brought up in a house where no drinking was allowed until 18. Most of my friends were the same. It was only spoilt brats who were given drink at home.

Sleepy

My own parents ran with the rule that once your junior cert was done you could go out to a pub if they'd let you in but if you came home drunk you were grounded. Think we'll be mimicking it in our house.

Abi

kneeler wrote: »

I think it is wrong to give children drink at any age. When they are 18 it is ok. I was brought up in a house where no drinking was allowed until 18. Most of my friends were the same.

Times have changed somewhat, whether you give it to them or not, it's likely to cross their path with friends.

My own parents were very strict about drink, and we were also told it wasn't going to happen until we were 18. Lo and behold, I started drinking with my friends and went off the rails. I suppose they should have told me not be associating myself with this crowd? It doesn't work like that. The more they tightened the noose, the wilder I got. If I was grounded, I climbed out windows to go my friends and went to disco's. The tough love approach didn't exactly work with me.


Like the other posters, I favour the idea of working with a teenager, not against. I think these are the very years you want to stay 'onside' with them, so you have some idea what is going on in their lives. I told my parents nothing.

It was only spoilt brats who were given drink at home.

I don't understand where the 'spoiled' bit comes into it. I see it as training, and teaching them to respect alcohol.

Fittle

grindelwald wrote: »

(single mothers with no babysitter staying over night, 2 parents in the house who are drunk if one gets drunk the other should be sober)

Quite a sweeping statement there grindewald - what about single fathers not having a babysitter staying overnight?

Anyway, my lad is 9 and has shown no interest in alcohol at all - he sees me drinking wine on a saturday night (and I'm a single mother with no babysitter staying overnight:eek:) for Xfactor - it's not a biggie to him, in fact he says he hates the smell of it. I'd like to think when he's older and shows an interest, I'll allow him have alcohol as a young teen, under my supervision.

I've rarely brought him to a pub though - I HATE kids in pubs when the parents are drinking - the only time he's been in a pub is for a christening when we'd stay for an hour and head home.

I don't know about the rest of ye, but nobody drank at home when I was a kid (in the 80s) - my dad/brothers would come home drunk from the pub, but I don't think I ever saw a can of beer in our fridge back in the day. Times have changed however, and it is now almost the norm for people to drink at home so I think kids nowadays will grow up with a healthier attitude to drink than those of my generation had (provided of course the alcohol isn't causing conflict in the home).

SeaFields

When I was 16 I was allowed up to the pub with my father to watch midweek soccer games. I was allowed one pint for the first half and another for the second half. This progressed to a pint afterwards when he stayed around for the banter with his buddies. A few of those same buddies took the same approach with their sons. (before people start screaming this was illegal it prob was but it was an 'old mans' pub and the guy behind the counter was traditional in how people should be introduced to alcohol)

I think it worked out fairly well and hope to be able to use the same approach if I have kids.

old hippy

kneeler wrote: »

I think it is wrong to give children drink at any age. When they are 18 it is ok. I was brought up in a house where no drinking was allowed until 18. Most of my friends were the same. It was only spoilt brats who were given drink at home.

None of the teens I know at home and abroad who were allowed the occasional wine or beer have alcohol problems. None of them. As regards those of us who had to sneak the beers... the outcome wasn't always rosy.

amdublin

StarMom wrote: »

No I agree it is better to let them drink in your supervision..........if you dont most likely they will be out knacker drinking.
If its done at home you know they are safe and you can teach them to drink responsibly and tell tehm when tehy need to stop/slow down on teh drink!
My parents did that with me and drink is no big deal to me now like I might have a bottle of wine with my hubby on a friday/saturday night and if I go out Im out with friends or with the hubby I know when to slow down or stop drinking altogether
Basically its no novelty to teens if you let them have a drink or two with you so when they do go out with friends they wont be like wow Ill make the most of this lol!

I think people are deluding themselves thinking if their kids drink with them then they won't go "knacker drinking".

IMO they will do both.

So by allowing them drink at home you are actually increasing the amount they will drink, not reducing it.

old hippy

amdublin wrote: »

I think people are deluding themselves thinking if their kids drink with them then they won't go "knacker drinking".

IMO they will do both.

So by allowing them drink at home you are actually increasing the amount they will drink, not reducing it.

You have them under supervision at home and educate them in the etiquette of drinking. In moderation, this can be a good thing. Of course, if the parents over indulge in alcohol - that's not conducive to a level headed approach to drink at sets the wrong example to the teen.

amdublin

Tomk1 wrote: »

Which is better:
CASE A:
-teen1 to teen2 "Go on be a rebel have a beer"
-teen2 "But I'm not allowed, my parents would kill me"
-teen1 "Ahh go one it's great crack"

Case B:
-teen1 to teen2 "Go on be a rebel have a beer"
-teen2 "But I just had a glass of Merlot with my parents at dinner, also Dutch Gold is real mank"
-teen1 "O"


What get's me is once you turn 18 it's legally AOK to get polluted. I think there should almost be a licence to drink, along the same line as a driving licence, a written test before you can even get a two year provisional drinking licence. So many points and your on the dry.

Or case C

Teen 2 - I've just had a glass of merlot with my parents
Teen 1 - that's so cool
Teen 2 - yeah my parents are real cool like that *cracks open a Dutch gold*

amdublin

old hippy wrote: »

You have them under supervision at home and educate them in the etiquette of drinking. In moderation, this can be a good thing. Of course, if the parents over indulge in alcohol - that's not conducive to a level headed approach to drink at sets the wrong example to the teen.

Yep I appreciate all that.

Still won't stop kids doing what their friends are doing and going drinking with them.

Their brain cells will be zapped with double the alcohol from the drinking in the home and the drinking outside the home.

Sleepy

amdublin wrote: »

I think people are deluding themselves thinking if their kids drink with them then they won't go "knacker drinking".

IMO they will do both.

So by allowing them drink at home you are actually increasing the amount they will drink, not reducing it.

You'll be increasing their awareness of how alcohol affects them.

Having a few beers with your parents teaches you that the effects of alcohol are delayed. Knowing that two or three pints has an effect on you makes you far less likely to have 5 or 6 in quick succession and makes you more wary of drinking that way.

old hippy

amdublin wrote: »

Yep I appreciate all that.

Still won't stop kids doing what their friends are doing and going drinking with them.

Their brain cells will be zapped with double the alcohol from the drinking in the home and the drinking outside the home.

And I'm saying they will have the common sense and maturity to avoid situations like that, having been educated.

amdublin

Sleepy wrote: »

You'll be increasing their awareness of how alcohol affects them.

Having a few beers with your parents teaches you that the effects of alcohol are delayed. Knowing that two or three pints has an effect on you makes you far less likely to have 5 or 6 in quick succession and makes you more wary of drinking that way.

You seem to be under the impression that kids want to learn how to drink alcohol and not get drunk.

Why do you think kids want to drink with their friends?

Do you think it is to examine the legs on a merlot or discuss the merits of a chardonnay versus a Sauvignon blanc?
Or do you think it is just to "have a laugh with their friends".

You allowing them to drink at home will not change their attitude.

It just gives them more to boast about at school on Monday:
"I was out knacker drinking on satuday and drank five cans"
"that's nothing, my parents let me drink at home"
"really? Wow, that's so cool, you're so lucky"

amdublin

Sleepy wrote: »

Knowing that two or three pints has an effect on you makes you far less likely to have 5 or 6 in quick succession and makes you more wary of drinking that way.

As an adult, yes.
As a child, no.

old hippy wrote: »

And I'm saying they will have the common sense and maturity to avoid situations like that, having been educated.

Yes, you would think that and hope that. But sadly, no.

old hippy

amdublin wrote: »

You seem to be under the impression that kids want to learn how to drink alcohol and not get drunk.

Why do you think kids want to drink with their friends?

Do you think it is to examine the legs on a merlot or discuss the merits of a chardonnay versus a Sauvignon blanc?
Or do you think it is just to "have a laugh with their friends".

You allowing them to drink at home will not change their attitude.

It just gives them more to boast about at school on Monday:
"I was out knacker drinking on satuday and drank five cans"
"that's nothing, my parents let me drink at home"
"really? Wow, that's so cool, you're so lucky"

You seem to have a very poor view of teenagers