Teens and alcohol

amdublin

old hippy wrote: »

You seem to have a very poor view of teenagers

Go into any school on a Monday morning. You'll hear a lot of this type of conversation

Teenagers like doing what their friends are doing

baby and crumble

Neither of my parents were big drinkers- but you'd see my Dad having a bacardi and coke on a Saturday night watching tv or my Mum having a hot whiskey. It was never a big deal, it was just another thing to enjoy as part of a regular day, if you wanted.

When I got to about 16, when I'd have parties (which usually involved lots of video games and movies!) my Dad would get a few cans of beer and a few bacardi breezers- if we wanted them, we could have them. I think the only time we ever took them up on it was the New Years party we had for the millennium!

As a result I don't drink all that much, but I enjoy a nice whiskey because of the taste. That was the key thing I think I got from my folks- that if it tasted nice, it was a nice thing to enjoy, but if you were just going out and drinking to get wasted that was a bit weird. I never have understood that mentality tbh.

When/if I have kids I'll be going down the same route. My partners folks did pretty much the same as mine did, and she's the same as me now. It's all about the taste. I won't drink some muck whiskey out in a pub when I have a bottle of Glemorangie 12 year in my house!!!

old hippy

amdublin wrote: »

Go into any school on a Monday morning. You'll hear a lot of this type of conversation

Teenagers like doing what their friends are doing

Well, perhaps if there was a more continental & mature attitude to alcohol - which begins at home - there might not be so much hype and mystique attached to drink?

Ophiopogon

We were allowed glasses of wine and beer never watered down when we were young. I only ever had one glass but my folks may have allowed more I just didn't want it.

When I was around 15 some of friends started the knacker drinking and I would go with them and sometimes have a swig of vodka but it had no big allure for me at the time and I believe it was due to it not being a big secret in my house growing.

Allowing your children to drink at home will not stop them knacker drinking but IMO and in my own experience it will stop them getting so drunk they end up in trouble. We were all teenagers once and we have to remember the allure of the banned things.

amdublin

old hippy wrote: »

Well, perhaps if there was a more continental & mature attitude to alcohol - which begins at home - there might not be so much hype and mystique attached to drink?

My point is the conversation between teenagers is the same, whether parents take the continental approach or not.

Big Bag of Chips

It's very hard to generalise. My parents are tee-totallers. No drink allowed in our house.. ever! (maybe for visitors)

My brother is also a tee-totaller. I drink very little. One of my sisters drank so little she gave it up altogether to be the designated driver on nights out. Other sister would drink occasionally, and youngest brother would drink out of a dirty sock!

People are all different, and believe it or not most teens do have a mind of their own.. if they want to knacker drink they will. If they don't.. they won't!

baby and crumble

amdublin wrote: »

My point is the conversation between teenagers is the same, whether parents take the continental approach or not.

TBH I never remember ever being invited knacker drinking, nor being looked at as a weirdo for not getting smashed at the weekends in school. None of my friends, nor even my acquaintances in school were up to that. Not all teenagers only talk about sex and drugs and drink. Lots of teenagers are very sensible and can make up their own minds about lots of issues that adults don't give them credit for...

Sleepy

amdublin wrote: »

As an adult, yes.
As a child, no.

Show me the teenager that *intends* to be puking all over themselves and I'll show you either an idiot who it wouldn't have mattered how they were raised or (more likely) a child dragged up by adults who thinks that level of drunkenness is something to aim for.

Of the "normal" teenagers, which I and my friends were, those of us who were allowed a few beers still drank "for the craic" and arguably often drank "too much" but we weren't the type who'd end up throwing up / causing fights etc. and the odd occasion where one of us did over-do it, it was accidental rather than through intent and the others would be sensible enough to get them into a cab / take care of them etc.

The ones who weren't allowed to touch a drop were the ones who got stupidly drunk more often. Not even by design, tbh, they just had no understanding of the respect they needed to show for alcohol. "Sure I'm fine, this is my fourth can and I *still* can't feel anything" Queue half an hour and two cans later "uhr, I don't feel too good".

As long as something is prohibited, it's going to be "Cool" in the mind of a teenager. Now if only we could find a way to ban manners and common courtesy

Kildrought

They have problems with teens drinking on the continent as well.

Giving them drink early does not guarantee they won't have an issue with over-consumption.

You don't offer them cigarettes as children on the basis that they won't then take up the habit as adults.

Noffles

Our teenager did the bottle of vodka thing twice and thankfully hasn't done it again, a few beers on a Saturday night with his mates, where they do this I don't know seems to be the way things have gone...

Nowt to worry about in my opinion... now if he had done the bottle of vodka thing on a weekly basis then I wuold of been concerned...

We were fairly cool about it and if he wanted a beer from the fridge we had no issue, thankfully he doesn't do that and I still get to have my beers!

Daisy M

As a teen I knew I was never ever allowed to have even one drink when I went out. The consequences of this was I didnt try any alcohol until a good year after all my friends had started and when I did decide to try it out I knew my limit. I knew I could probably get away with acting like I was stone cold sober if I stuck with 3/4 drinks. If my parents had allowed me to have had a couple of drinks when out I would have pushed the boundaries and gone for 6/7 no doubt about it.
In my opinion parents need not only to teach their teens about responsible drinking but what to do if they do end up drunk and out of control. They need to make sure that they and their friends look out for each other stick together and take care of the friend who has drank too much and doesnt have their wits about them. They need to know that even if they do something you completely and utterly disaprove of, that you will still be there for them and they should never ever hesitate to contact you for their help and there will not be any major repercussions. That their wellbeen and saftey is of paramount importance to you and should they need you no matter how bad the circumstances you will be there in a helpful manner and not in the background treatening every punishment you can think of.

missyb

I dont have kids but I think there is alot to be said about not giving teens too much to rebel against. My parents had a very healthy attitude to alcohol and allowed us wine at dinner or a few drinks in moderation when we turned around 16. However they made it very clear that we were expected to behave responsibly no matter what, lest we stumbled in the door intoxicated or drank to excess we were in major trouble. A real distinction was made. My mother very much saw it as having a bit of respect for yourself by not abusing a substance or thinking that scrumpy jack by the canal in the rain was a normal relationship with alcohol. (I am not suggesting I have never been drunk but I really can go without and not be bothered). It was more about questioning how people drink,making your own decisions and not being obsessed with following the crowd and the sheep attitude that can sometimes prevail towards alcohol in this country ( I know its not everyone).

My friends parents saw alcohol as the devil and my friend rebelled in a major way,but the other side of that though is just as bad. I had a boyfriend when I was 15 who use to get utterly hammered. Once he was so intoxicated on a Saturday night myself and his mate had to bring him home as we were really worried and didnt want to get stopped by the guards so we bundled him into a taxi and headed to his house knowing that he and we were probably going to end up in trouble.I will never forget seeing his parents who were at home drunk themselves, laughing at him because he "couldnt handle his drink",(he was hammered) and then proceeding to offer me and his mate beers and a few drinks. They thought it was hilarious. We were no angels,but I can remember myself and my boyfriends mate being really disgusted by their reaction when we had been so worried. The only thing worse than a parent who it too strict with alcohol are parents who would rather be "cool" and "down with the kids" than do the more difficult task of actual parenting, never forgot it.

Fittle

I really don't get parents allowing their children a glass of wine at dinner

Surely children don't feel the 'need' for alcohol that adults do - the 'need' I'm talking about is obviously the one where we feel we can relax with a glass of wine. I appreciate that the after-affects of alcohol do the opposite to relaxing us, but speaking from my own personal experience, I feel like a glass of wine at dinner relaxes me more after a day at work for example.

Why on earth would a child need to relax at dinner in the way that an adult might

amdublin

Fittle wrote: »

I really don't get parents allowing their children a glass of wine at dinner

Surely children don't feel the 'need' for alcohol that adults do - the 'need' I'm talking about is obviously the one where we feel we can relax with a glass of wine. I appreciate that the after-affects of alcohol do the opposite to relaxing us, but speaking from my own personal experience, I feel like a glass of wine at dinner relaxes me more after a day at work for example.

Why on earth would a child need to relax at dinner in the way that an adult might

And why would you want to kill your Childs brain cells

username123

Fittle wrote: »

I really don't get parents allowing their children a glass of wine at dinner

Surely children don't feel the 'need' for alcohol that adults do - the 'need' I'm talking about is obviously the one where we feel we can relax with a glass of wine. I appreciate that the after-affects of alcohol do the opposite to relaxing us, but speaking from my own personal experience, I feel like a glass of wine at dinner relaxes me more after a day at work for example.

Why on earth would a child need to relax at dinner in the way that an adult might

Im not sure I get it either, but it was done in my home. We were offered/allowed a glass of wine at an occasion dinner like xmas dinner or easter sunday. I rarely took up the offer because I didnt like the taste. I was also self conscious and worried that if I drank it too fast itd be perceived that I liked alcohol too much but if I drank it too slow itd be perceived that I was not appreciative!!! (my young teenage worried mind eh?).

I 'think' the idea was to normalise 1 glass of wine with a meal, and to recognise that that was acceptable and not a bad thing.

PlainP

Fittle wrote: »

I really don't get parents allowing their children a glass of wine at dinner

Surely children don't feel the 'need' for alcohol that adults do - the 'need' I'm talking about is obviously the one where we feel we can relax with a glass of wine. I appreciate that the after-affects of alcohol do the opposite to relaxing us, but speaking from my own personal experience, I feel like a glass of wine at dinner relaxes me more after a day at work for example.

Why on earth would a child need to relax at dinner in the way that an adult might

I don't think it's about feeling the 'need' giving teens a drink at dinner it's more about showing them that alcohol can be enjoyed with food which is the way it should be consumed so you don't get mouldy drunk.

Almost if not all of the social occasions we as Irish people attend revolve around drink and children learn from a very young age that this is the norm.

I agree with other posters in that not making it a taboo within the household is probably the best way to go and they can then when/if they do decide to go on the knack hopefully make the responsible choice and not see the need to get totally blazed out of their minds.

old hippy

Fittle wrote: »

I really don't get parents allowing their children a glass of wine at dinner

Surely children don't feel the 'need' for alcohol that adults do - the 'need' I'm talking about is obviously the one where we feel we can relax with a glass of wine. I appreciate that the after-affects of alcohol do the opposite to relaxing us, but speaking from my own personal experience, I feel like a glass of wine at dinner relaxes me more after a day at work for example.

Why on earth would a child need to relax at dinner in the way that an adult might

All this talk of "child" and "children" - I'm talking about 15/16 year olds not toddlers imbibing.

amdublin

old hippy wrote: »

All this talk of "child" and "children" - I'm talking about 15/16 year olds not toddlers imbibing.

Well my opinion is that a child is a young person who has not reached full physical development which is clearly a 15/16 year old as they still have some developing to do - physically, mentally & emotionally.

Why would you give a person as described above a drug?

amdublin

PlainP wrote: »

I don't think it's about feeling the 'need' giving teens a drink at dinner it's more about showing them that alcohol can be enjoyed with food which is the way it should be consumed so you don't get mouldy drunk.

Almost if not all of the social occasions we as Irish people attend revolve around drink and children learn from a very young age that this is the norm.

I agree with other posters in that not making it a taboo within the household is probably the best way to go and they can then when/if they do decide to go on the knack hopefully make the responsible choice and not see the need to get totally blazed out of their minds.

I'm confused are you saying "the norm" is good or bad?

Because your last paragraph surely strengthens making it a norm by not making it a taboo?

old hippy

amdublin wrote: »

Well my opinion is that a child is a young person who has not reached full physical development which is clearly a 15/16 year old as they still have some developing to do - physically, mentally & emotionally.

Why would you give a person as described above a drug?

A drug? I'm talking about a glass of beer or wine, not a shot of skag :rolleyes:

Stark

amdublin wrote: »

Why would you give a person as described above a drug?

Let me guess, your kids aren't even allowed coffee?

Wantobe

I haven't fully made up my mind yet as my children are too young but I've read some reports by psychologists that suggest that giving permission to your children to drink is not a good thing as has been suggested here and is no more likely to lead them to make mature decisions about drink than if they were not allowed. On that basis I *think* I'll be saying no- not until they're 18.

I was brought up in a strict home where I wasn't allowed to drink or date until I was 18. When I was old enough to go to college and leave home, they told me I was then old enough to make decisions for myself but before that, they would make the decisions. I went on to not drink until I was 21 and since then have only ever been a moderate to light drinker.

My husband was brought up in a permissive continental family where he was allowed drink watered down wine from his first communion on! He's a lighter drinker than I am and I've never seen him drunk. He drinks for pleasure, not to get drunk which is what a lot of Irish people seem to do. So he might only drink one or two glasses of wine, maximum. But we agree that so far we will take a strict approach with our children- but then again, ask me again when they are teenagers!

KittyeeTrix

From the point of view as a parent to a seventeen and a half year old lad the time did arise when he started to drink with his mates. Looking back at him when he was 14/15 I would've sworn that he would not have been a knacker drinker but unfortunately (as many of ye with younger children will discover) this was fantasy and not the reality......

In my eyes he is only a short step from being able to "legally" drink if he chooses to and I feel it is best to ease him slowly into that stage rather than what was happening which was knacker drinking with friends and getting into trouble

He has even said that he doesn't feel the need to skul back the drink and has learnt how to pace himself and have a good but responsible night.

cynder

Fittle wrote: »

I really don't get parents allowing their children a glass of wine at dinner

Surely children don't feel the 'need' for alcohol that adults do - the 'need' I'm talking about is obviously the one where we feel we can relax with a glass of wine. I appreciate that the after-affects of alcohol do the opposite to relaxing us, but speaking from my own personal experience, I feel like a glass of wine at dinner relaxes me more after a day at work for example.

Why on earth would a child need to relax at dinner in the way that an adult might

I dont need to drink at all, in fact i rarely drink even when out, ive never acquired a taste for it, i dont drink to relax, but i like to have a tia maria and milk now and then or a west coast cooler because i get sick of oj and diet coke. A glass of wine would have me awake all night.


I dont mind my 12 year old having a glass of something if we having it in the house (which is very rarely) Its not about relaxing with a drink, I can relax having a cup of tea or coffee (infact i was at a coffee moring this morning and my 12 year old had 3 cups of coffee). I let my daughter have a glass so she knows what a drink tastes like and she wont go looking for a taste eleswhere, she likes west coast cooler, tia maria and milk and baileys.... If she like the taste of something and we have it ion our house or a freinds house she is allowed a glass, no big deal, 1 glass does not do any harm...

I dont get the whole idea of having to drink alcohol to relax...... no wonder there are so many alcoholics, all drinking to relax......

My husband wasnt allowed alcohol yet he went home plastered after knacker drinking and spewed all over his mom, wasnt until he met me that he calmed down (as im not a drinker) his friends however are all still big drinkers and its 14 years later and they are all in their 30s. Some of his freinds even have bars in their houses.... They keep a supply of diet coke for me

Fittle

grindelwald wrote: »

I let my daughter have a glass so she knows what a drink tastes like and she wont go looking for a taste eleswhere,

You genuinely believe that allowing a 12 year old drink at home means she will never look elsewhere for it? Why would you bother allowing a 12 year to even taste alcohol? It's not like 12 year olds should be acquiring a taste for alcohol in the first place! And I don't appreciate your (subtle as a brick) accusation that I'm an alcoholic btw!!!!

amdublin

This is the thing that I don't get....

You honestly believe that by giving your child alcohol in the home (giving them a taste for it) means they won't look for it elsewhere?!!!!!

cynder

Yes- she is diabetic, getting drunk could put her into a coma or kill her, knowing it isn't forbidden and she can have a glass here and there, will keep her from sneaking out and getting plastered. I would rather her grow up with a sensible attitude towards alcohol, then sneak out and drink behind my back and not know about it, there will be no reason to sneak out and go drinking with peers.

As I also said we rarely have alcohol in the house, so it's not as if she is having a glass every night, it's like 5 glasses a year...... FFs I'm not a drinker but if there is west coast cooler in the fridge she can have a glass, last time she had a glass was back in march at her aunts house.



I'm also the one who says I don't get why people have to have a drink to relax, that's giving off bad signals to kids...... I here to many people say ' i need a drink'. Thankfully I've never needed a drink and never will need a drink.

Fittle

grindelwald wrote: »

Yes- she is diabetic, getting drunk could put her into a coma or kill her,

And you still allow this 12 year alcohol hoping that it will put her off going a bender when she's older???? What about what could happen to her while she's 12 and drinking alcohol:eek:

KittyeeTrix

This thread was started by myself as I was curious as to how other parents of teens deal with the subject of alcohol..

It was not intended to become a we are right and you are wrong scenario!!!:(

It is all too easy to be judgemental of another's parenting decisions when you've not been through that stage of parenting yet!

mattjack

old hippy wrote: »

A drug? I'm talking about a glass of beer or wine, not a shot of skag :rolleyes:

A glass of wine or beer is a drug.What your teen is doing is experimenting with your permission,would you allow them to use cannabis or have sex with a b/f or g/f in your home.
I wonder are the people who allow their teens drink at home, in a controlled envioronment are hoping that this way of introduction to alcohol may stop them drinking illicitly.