Help! Mother of 15-year-old ftm transgender

Kanoe

I echo the above, anytime you need to talk.

LegacyUser

Yesterday I was all over the place but today I feel together again.

We had a long talk last night. She swears she’s 100% sure about this so I’m going to try to get on board properly and (eventually) talk to the rest of the family about it.

I had a little cry (about “losing my baby girl” even though I’m “gaining a son”) and she had a little cry about making me cry … I realized I hadn’t been really taking it seriously up to now and she realized that it was having quite an emotional effect on me. I don't think it occurred to her that it would impact me to such an extent. Teenagers, eh?!

But now that it's "for real", I feel I can cope better with it and move it along.

So, today marks the first day of my life with my son.

Thank you all for allowing me to pour this out here and for all your words of encouragement and support. It's made a big difference to me.

LegacyUser

There's a great group called BeLonGTo for L,g,b and T young people and they offer supports to parents too.
Here's their website.

http://www.belongto.org/service.aspx?sectionid=144

There's also lots of youth groups including a trans* specific one
http://www.belongto.org/group.aspx?sectionid=80

Believe me your child will definitely benefit from making friends they can hang out with in person that understand this aspect of their life rather than seeking understanding online.

I have a few transmen as friends and seeing their confidence grow when they became more secure in their identities was possibly the only aspect of their experiences that was similar to each others! Good luck!

Well done though Kudos on the parental front.

LegacyUser

Hello all, some of you may remember me from this thread:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056423250

You were all very helpful and kind and I thank you for that.

We have two issues on which I'm hoping to get some feedback/advice on please.

Number 1 is that my boy goes to a mixed school which has a strict uniform policy where girls are obliged to wear skirts (even in the terrible snow we had some time back). He was managing for a while but told me last night that he's finding it more and more intolerable to the point where he's having "panic attacks" going to school in the skirt. I'm going to arrange a meeting with one of the teachers next week (who we believe is sympathetic to our situation) but I was just wondering if anyone had managed to convince a school to change their uniform rules in a similar situation. He's completely open about the situation so isn't worried at all about any kind of backlash, it's the school and making them be flexible that concerns me. Changing school is not at option (for now) as he's doing brilliantly there and is in 5th year, we both think it would be bad for his studies.

Number 2 is that he's asked for some counselling and he believes there are counsellors who specialise in his situation so I was hoping to get a recommendation for someone in the Dublin city centre or in the Dublin 12 area. Also, any idea how much that costs?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Annasopra

Hi Mummy's Boy

I'd say that TENI could give you some assistance to find counsellors and that IndividualiTy might be a good resource for your Son and LOOK might be a good resource for you

http://www.teni.ie/page.aspx?contentid=17

http://www.belongto.org/group.aspx?sectionid=80

http://www.belongto.org/group.aspx?sectionid=7121

DubArk

Dear Mummy's Boy

I hadn’t seen this thread before today and just read most of it. I was overwhelmed by your focus and commitment to your sons’ plight. All of us, I would imagine have our stories and hence the reason we seek advise or solace in here.

I know as a gay man that the teenage years are without doubt the most difficult for most young people.

You are without exception an incredible parent.

I can see that you have had plenty of helpful advice and therefore I just felt compelled to say that no matter how difficult you think that road is now, it will be a standing to you and your son in the future.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."
William Morrow

Chuchoter

In terms of the uniform thing, I've a friend who was in an all girls who let him wear the tracksuit with the school jumper no problem, I don't see any harm in asking anyway.

LegacyUser

I got in touch with TENI and they've given me the name and number of a general advisor type woman who we'll call today (didn't want to at the weekend ). This lady will chat with us and give us advice as regards what we might need to help us manage all this.

I also called the school and made an appointment to see the headmaster and another teacher (who I'm told is sympathetic to our cause ) this week. I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't say "no" outright. They seem to be taking the situation seriously (in a good way) so hopefully we'll have a good outcome there too.

This'll be the first time I've discussed all this with someone outside the family! Eek!!

Thanks again all!

L.Jenkins

I'm glad it's going well for you both. Do keep in touch with Vanessa and the crew at TENI. They can really help out alot where possible. I'm in the middle of challanging a few policies and creating a precedent myself, so I know how good it feels to have someone on side.

Annasopra

Mummy's Boy wrote: »

I got in touch with TENI and they've given me the name and number of a general advisor type woman who we'll call today (didn't want to at the weekend ). This lady will chat with us and give us advice as regards what we might need to help us manage all this.

I also called the school and made an appointment to see the headmaster and another teacher (who I'm told is sympathetic to our cause ) this week. I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't say "no" outright. They seem to be taking the situation seriously (in a good way) so hopefully we'll have a good outcome there too.

This'll be the first time I've discussed all this with someone outside the family! Eek!!

Thanks again all!

Good news

As I said above IndividualiTy and LOOK may be sources of support

Annasopra

An excellent article that I just came across written by a parent of a trans guy

http://transformingfamily.net/2013/05/05/criticisms-and-misconceptions/

Ambersky

Great thread. Hadnt seen it untill today.