Feeling Blue

sarahbro

Hey

just need to vent a bit....

I want a baby more than anything. Have done since I was told that i couldn't. I never ever wanted kids. They weren't for me. But the minute the doctor told me that option wasn't available anymore - broodiness hit with a bang!

We've been not not trying for a few months. Thankfully OH is as eager for a family as I am. Really trying lately though.

I keep getting drawn into baby sections in shops, seeing pregnant woman etc and it's driving me crazy. Or rather, i am driving myself crazy!

Then yesterday my mam tells me that my older cousin.is 12 weeks pregnant. Now don't get me wrong, i am totally over the moon for her. She'll be an amazing mother. It's just I can't help but be jealous that it's her and not us and i feel awful for thinking this. Obviously wouldn't say that to anyone!

Is it normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry for waffling. Just feeling a bit blue today :

groz

Hi there,

Yes, it is perfectly normal to feel that way!

I had a similar experience with my sister-in-law, when she announced her pregnancy recently. Obviously, I was very happy for her, but at the same time very hurt by her ignorance and insensitivity the night she told us. She expected us to talk about her and her pregnancy ALL night, without thinking for a minute that this could be slightly uncomfortable to do for her brother and myself.

I do understand that is a happy time for those who experience it, but to rub it into someone face, is very - to say the least - inconsiderate.

I also never thought I was gonna have kids, and never particularly wanted them. BUT, similarly to you, when I was told that my only option is IVF and potentially only then we can have a child...hmmm...still not sure how do I feel about that. I still haven't done the IVF, but I am very worried that the minute the IVF fails my reaction will be weird. Well, lets wait and see. Hope not...

Neyite

Its the most normal thing in the world. On my good days I was merely envious of those smug bump women, on my bad days I felt like the Gods were sending them my way deliberatly.

I once had to go to 3 medical appointments within the one week - 2 out of 3, the doc was sporting a bump, then went in to get a few bits and pieces in different shops after one of the appointments and in nearly every one there was a pregnant woman serving me. I was almost paranoid by the time I got home.

Its really hard when someone announces their pregnancy - you are so happy for them, but want so badly for yourself to announce it too.

I take it from your post that you are pursusing assisted conception? The very best of luck to you. Mine was successful in the early stages in the fertility clinic, but I know how daunting it can be facing the long road of varied treatments - you just dont know what will work. I will say not to get too hung up on the stats of success rates for treatment. Mine had a 20% chance of working within 3 months and I was already privately researching the next step up, when it worked. I was the one in 5. Best of luck, and come here to vent away when you need.

groz

Thanks very much for the words of encouragement - it means a lot!
Hope all is well at your end.
Best of luck and take care of yourself...:)

sarahbro

Hey she's not rubbing it in my face or anything like that. It's only myself and OH that know we're trying. Decided we didn't need the extra pressure/judgements off family and friends. Think my mam suspects as she has started commenting on how i'm cutting out coffee, cutting down smoking etc.

Had a chat with the OH last night after I posted and I guess it's just overwhelming. We don't know where to begin etc and I am trying not to get my hopes up but with each cycle and yet another AF Get quite down.

I'm not fooling myself into thinking this is going to be easy. The PCOS has made sure of that! But i think i had ovulation pains on Thursday /Friday so fingers crossed for this one!!