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Telling kids about separation

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  • 24-10-2011 12:38pm
    #1
    tyview
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭


    Hi

    Myself and my 'husband' are separating. He is moving out next week but I am terrified about how my children are going to be affected, 2 sons 10 and 2 and a daughter aged 9. Any advice appreciated on how I/we can explain this to them and the aftermath. I'm not able to deal with it myself at the moment so I'd hate to breakdown in front of them. thanks


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    #2
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    tyview wrote: »
    Hi

    Myself and my 'husband' are separating. He is moving out next week but I am terrified about how my children are going to be affected, 2 sons 10 and 2 and a daughter aged 9. Any advice appreciated on how I/we can explain this to them and the aftermath. I'm not able to deal with it myself at the moment so I'd hate to breakdown in front of them. thanks
    *hugs *

    Are they his kids too ?
    I would suspect the older ones know alread.
    If both of you sit them down and explain it together with the emphasis that it is you not them it should make it a bit easier for them ,also explain that he is not in the house but is only a phone call away .


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    #3
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    Tell them together, that is if it is possible for you both to do that.
    Do it a few days beforehand, be prepared and able to tell them where their Dad is moving to, and if possible show them and have arranged when they will see him next and that they can talk to him on the phone.

    Keep those contacts arrangements, they are very important get a routine of them seeing their Dad established as a new routine as quickly as possible.


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    #4
    stargazer 68
    Registered Users Posts: 5,126 ✭✭✭stargazer 68


    Op Tyview is right - you need to do it together. You need to sit with him first and decide what you are going to tell them but do not tell them that he is moving out 'for a while' though as often happens. Only leads to confusion and the constant question of when he is coming back. Im sure they already have an idea that things aren't right so best to be honest with them.

    Good luck xx


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    #5
    turbodiesel
    Registered Users Posts: 549 ✭✭✭turbodiesel


    tyview wrote: »
    Hi

    Myself and my 'husband' are separating. He is moving out next week but I am terrified about how my children are going to be affected, 2 sons 10 and 2 and a daughter aged 9. Any advice appreciated on how I/we can explain this to them and the aftermath. I'm not able to deal with it myself at the moment so I'd hate to breakdown in front of them. thanks

    Sorry for your situation..... Have a lookmover on <snip> as well as posting here. Although you may get a very female approach over there. (I'm not a member but my better half is). B ready for tears and upset. Both from yourselves and the kids..... Good luck with it.


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    #6
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Please don't mention other parenting sites. The OP came here looking for info.


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    #7
    Kildrought
    Registered Users Posts: 381 ✭✭Kildrought


    Now that is silly - there are plenty of other sites that are very useful.


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    #8
    Sleepy
    Registered Users Posts: 24,249 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    If the other place is one of those sites where DD / DH / DS acronyms are coming from, I think advising anyone to visit them is akin to telling them to ask the playground for advice tbh.


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    #9
    Kildrought
    Registered Users Posts: 381 ✭✭Kildrought


    So tbh as an acronym is ok but others aren't... hm...

    and isn't 'slagging off' other sites just a wee bit immature ?

    Is www.treoir.ie a 'parenting' site as well or are we allowed recommend that?


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    #10
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    www.treoir.ie is a resource site and not a rival discussion site.
    And this is gone off topic :P

    http://www.rainbowsireland.com/
    RAINBOWS IRELAND, a registered charity, is a peer-support programme to assist children, youth and adults who are grieving a death, separation or other painful transition in their family. Founded in Chicago, USA in 1983, RAINBOWS was established in Ireland in 1988. Today RAINBOWS operates in all thirty two counties of Ireland.

    RAINBOWS helps by providing a safe setting in which children, youth and adults can share their feelings, emotions and struggles with others who have similar experiences. They are supported in this process by a trained facilitator.

    The family support agency also has services which may be helpful, esp the mediation services as you try and figure out how to separate in a positive way.

    http://www.fsa.ie/services/


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    #11
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Kildrought wrote: »
    Now that is silly - there are plenty of other sites that are very useful.

    If you have a problem with a mod decision then PM me about it, don't question it on thread.

    The OP came here looking for advice, the other site is also a parenting forum, one I am also a very active member of, but I wouldn't tell people over there to come to boards parenting site looking for advice. We allow posting of sites that have advice on them such as FLAC/Treoir etc, but not advertising of other parenting forums.


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    #12
    cyning
    Registered Users Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭cyning


    When my parents broke up they turned off the telly on a Saturday night in the middle of Sergeant Bilko and my Mum told us... my Dad said nothing at first. I was crying before I really knew what she was telling us if that makes sense... the best thing you can do is be honest. They surely have friends who's parents aren't together and will know what it means. I wanted to know the practacalities: where Dad would live, where we would live, what would happen at Christmas etc... so it might be an idea to have an idea of answers to those kind of questions. Both Mum and Dad cried with us and we all played Scrabble afterwards :D Dad moved out the following Friday.

    The best thing that happened (at least what my brothers and I all agreed on this) is that they were up front and honest with us from the start. If they didn't know the answer (like what would happen at Christmas) they just said they didn't know. Your kids will remember you telling them so don't be angry at eachother and just focus on them I think.

    It isn't easy but your kids will be happier if you are happier. Good luck and hugs x


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    #13
    tyview
    Registered Users Posts: 210 ✭✭tyview


    Thanks for all the replies!

    I'm really dreading it but hopefully with the advice given by yourselves I'll be able to minimise the trauma of it all for them. I've tried to sort things out about access an all that but where as I like to be organised and planned, he's not really that kind of person but I will try him again (and then again if I need to)


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