How to deal with girlfriends grown up daughter (&boyfriend)

LegacyUser

Well here we go again....

After all that's happened/ been said....

We were out last night till about 2...dropped daughter into town on way out..

My GF just went into spare room to get a hair dryer........and guess what??

daughter's friend and bf in the bed ??????????????????????????????????

WTF do I do ......

Susie_Q

What do you do?? You've been told repeatedly on this thread what you can do. For starters, stop being such a pushover and stand up for yourself. You've been given lots of great advice in this thread but it's up to you to take it.

Lollipops23

MrBlahBlah wrote: »

Well here we go again....

After all that's happened/ been said....

We were out last night till about 2...dropped daughter into town on way out..

My GF just went into spare room to get a hair dryer........and guess what??

daughter's friend and bf in the bed ??????????????????????????????????

WTF do I do ......

You should have thrown them out on their ear!! Honestly, you're not running a doss house.

doyle61

Op, my first reply to your thread but I've been following it from the start.
If you step back and read the whole thread again but imagine that your NOT the op, what would your advice and opinion be?? You'ld be giving the same advice as is being currently being given to you. Now I'm not trying to be a smart ass or arsehole when I say this to you but mean it in the best possible way; grow a pair and stand up for yourself. If your GF has a problem with it well that's her lookout, if she wants to be treated like a sap in your own home that's her problem (and she IS being treated like a sap) but you you don't have to stand for it

tinkerbell

OP, this is getting ridiculous. Either you take the advice you are being given and do something about it, or else stop moaning about it constantly happening. If you don't do anything, then you have yourself to blame. So quit letting them treat you like a doormat and do something about it.

dr gonzo

I agree completely with tinkerbell. OP you've been given all the advice that you need as far as i can see. There is absolutely no point in posting updates on the thread when you havent made a single, substantial move yet to rectify the situation. I dont envy what youre going through and im disgusted on your behalf at you have been treated but seriously, re-read the thread, make a decision and go do it.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Hi All
Some progress today(and I do value all your comments)

gf was told by daughter today that basically she will do as she wishes..

Agreement has been reached with gf that daughter moves out for at least a bit..why should I leave the house I rent? If however this doesnt happen I will have to go as I cant stay in same house as daughter any more..

I'm happyish, finally, that there appears to be a united front to this..I havent gotten directly involved as yet as when/if I do it will get very very messy as I have a lot of pent up anger here

So we'll see what happens now..daughter hasnt been told of decision as yet..so lots to happen yet but just to say, believe me, I'm taking all advice from here on board and acting (bit slow though eh??)

BTW initial reason for this thread (ie bf ) has now apparently gone from scene..no doubt another arriving soon though ....

Curry Addict

agreements have been made before and no action taken, words are cheap. get directly involved in moving the daughter out under the banner of being helpfull. otherwise its unlikely to happen fast.

Delancey

The only comment I can make OP is that if you enter into a house purchase with your partner with the ' daughter issue ' unresolved then you may be committing financial suicide.
You must sort this out before committing to buy so much as a dog kennel.

Delancey

Curry Addict wrote: »

agreements have been made before and no action taken, words are cheap. get directly involved in moving the daughter out under the banner of being helpfull. otherwise its unlikely to happen fast.

Not only must she leave but she must be prevented from returning , going from what the OP says that is a very likely outcome.

Danniboo

OP, I hate rain on your parade, but ...

When I read your last post the first few lines suggested that the daughter had been told and all was agreed when in fact all that has happened is the daughter has spoken like crap to your gf and your gf has said to you she will tell her to move out. I'd believe it when I see it OP. Might be a different story when the daughter starts the waterworks, poor me routine and your gf will probably crack. I really hope i'm wrong though.

Beruthiel

MrBlahBlah wrote: »

Agreement has been reached with gf that daughter moves out for at least a bit..

What does that mean? A bit? She goes round to a friends house and sleeps on the sofa for a couple of days?

I'm happyish, finally, that there appears to be a united front to this..

I won't believe that until you come back with some concrete evidence.

LegacyUser

Bear with me on this ...

Daughter due to 'leave' on saturday .. but maybe only for week ... apparently only to come back when she agrees to 'change'..

Not really good enough for me but let's see what happens when/if she goes...

One big stumbling block here is that I absolutely disagree with a female friend of daughter coming to stay with boyfriend...but gf thinks it's ok....so big issue there ...whats your opinions?
Also gf currently pays daughter €50 pw pocket money..........to stay at home and do fcuk all....what do ye say to that?

As I type this and read back I think I can see where this is going...I think it will involve me going...stay tuned :-)

I am a friend

Is your gf running a hostel? I think you have to be taking the Mick.

How long is girl coming for and why?

Lollipops23

So is your gf sending her on a one week holiday? To be honest it's not enough.


OP, I hate to say it but your gf sounds like a muppet. She's certainly acting it. She's spoiled her daughter for a long time (and don't tell me it's because it was "just the two of them"- it was also just me and my mam and she'd have kicked me up and down the garden path if I behaved like your step daughter).

She's doing her daughter no favours at all by allowing her to behave like the rude, arrogant cow she is. Honestly I'd ask serious questions if my significant other demonstrated such poor judgement.

Sleepy

I'll be blunt: what the fvck are you doing with this woman?

Without knowing anything other than what you've said in this thread I can see two utter deal-breakers for a relationship: she's an utterly useless parent (hell, your own daughter can see this) and she clearly has no respect for you.

Is she the re-incarnation of Marilyn Monroe with the morals of the Marquis de Sade? Because I honestly fail to see what you're getting out of this relationship OP.

Sure, a broken lease is a hassle but tbh, it's one I'd drop in her lap and let her deal with, gods know she's made you deal with enough for the past few months.

Taltos

OP - you have been given plenty of very good advice.
At this point in time we are now retreading the same points.
As this forum is primarily to share advice and not a location to capture updates we feel you may be better suited to opening a blog than continuing to post updates in RI.

Best of luck with your relationship.

Taltos