Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

Scientific study


A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged masculine features.



When she is on her period she prefers a man doused in fookin petrol, set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eyes and a cricket stump stuck up his bastard arse.

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A lorry driver takes a woman out on a date.

Later they go back to her parent’s place where she lived.

They were just about to have sex on the couch when he could feel the cold barrel of a gun on his neck

When he turned around her father said,


"If you're a real lorry driver you'll back out of there with a full load"!

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My Wife said that, because she's a woman, she's good at doing two things at the same time.

I said, "well then, why is a threesome out of the question?"

G S R

A priest is driving near Waterford and sees a dead donkey on the road. He rings local gardai-station and a smart-arse cop answers the phone.
He tells him about the dead donkey on the road.
"Did you give him the last rights father?" asks cop.
The Priest says "no,i just decided i would call his next of kin first"