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Pressure to parent in a certain way??

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  • 02-11-2011 9:59pm
    #1
    KittyeeTrix
    Registered Users Posts: 7,239 ✭✭✭


    Do you feel at times under pressure to parent in a way which reflects the "norm"???

    I ask this in relation to allowing your teenagers girlfriend stay over a night in their room. My son (just 6 months off 18) may be having his girlfriend stay over at the weekend in his room. Personally I'm comfortable with it even if it does feel different but I'm kinda nervous about the reaction of some family members and friends.

    I'm certain I'm going to have to defend my decision to some people and I hate this, makes me feel inadequate at times:(

    Have ye experienced times where outside views have influenced your parenting decisions and if so what happened?:)


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    #2
    Ayla
    Registered Users Posts: 1,508 ✭✭✭Ayla


    Of course, all parents - no matter what the cause - have to defend their parenting decisions. That's what makes parenting so hard...you feel like you're never winning! But do what feels right for you & your family and choose not to let others' thinking (judgements, etc) sway you. Only you know what's right for your family.


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    #3
    Morag
    Registered Users Posts: 8,427 ✭✭✭Morag


    You house, your rules.

    I'd say as long as her parents know here she is staying and you've had a chat about not wanting to be a grandparent in the next decade or so and there's condoms available then you've covered all your bases and but in rules around being considerate to other's in the house, then it's nobody else's business.

    Not having my kids baptised was a big one and not rearing them in any faith, everyone and their dog felt they had to chip in and tell me how I was doing it wrong and same with other parenting choices which were/are considered 'Alternative'. Tbh you know your kids best and do what works for your family and tell the rest of them to butt out.


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    #4
    oldyouth
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,754 ✭✭✭oldyouth


    Been there myself. I was proud that my son was able to come to me and ask if it was OK. It showed maturity that he realised it was our house and he needed to consider the sensitivities of others.

    As for what outside family & friends thought, it never crossed my my mind. It had nothing to do with them and I doubt they were interested


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    #5
    DublinWriter
    Registered Users Posts: 9,557 ✭✭✭DublinWriter


    It's the norm in most Scandinavian countries and they have the lowest rate of teenage pregnancies.

    Meanwhile in Ireland, UK and the USA...


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    #6
    Cat Melodeon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,617 ✭✭✭Cat Melodeon


    Sharrow wrote: »
    I'd say as long as her parents know here she is staying and you've had a chat about not wanting to be a grandparent in the next decade or so and there's condoms available then you've covered all your bases and but in rules around being considerate to other's in the house, then it's nobody else's business.
    This.

    The only time you need to consider your own parenting style is when it can significantly affect someone else's child. I wouldn't be taking my son's or his girlfriend's word on it either, I would be in contact with the girlfriend's family directly to ensure that the situation is okay with them. People can be a lot more protective of their daughters in these circumstances (and understandably so, the implications are more affecting).

    As for what other people think, none of their business.


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    #7
    SerialComplaint
    Registered Users Posts: 2,644 ✭✭✭SerialComplaint


    You might want to make sure the girl's parents are on board with whatever approach you take.


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    #8
    KittyeeTrix
    Registered Users Posts: 7,239 ✭✭✭KittyeeTrix


    SerialComplaint wrote: »
    You might want to make sure the girl's parents are on board with whatever approach you take.

    Did that and all was grand. She stayed over, all was surprisingly not weird like I thought it might be:)


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    #9
    headmaster
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 687 ✭✭✭headmaster


    I've just come in from Mass and i'm wondering why parents bring their brats to this ceremony. The place was full of talking and crying kids, with the sshing sounds of the bloody mammies and daddies nearly as bad. This is widespread and is disgusting.


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    #10
    SerialComplaint
    Registered Users Posts: 2,644 ✭✭✭SerialComplaint


    headmaster wrote: »
    I've just come in from Mass and i'm wondering why parents bring their brats to this ceremony. The place was full of talking and crying kids, with the sshing sounds of the bloody mammies and daddies nearly as bad. This is widespread and is disgusting.

    And then in a few years time, the Headmaster will be wondering why the church is empty.


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    #11
    headmaster
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 687 ✭✭✭headmaster


    Better to have it that way than have it as a free creche for parents. What the hell are parents thinking when they bring these brats and themselves to church? Thankfully, there are some parents who can parent.


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    #12
    SerialComplaint
    Registered Users Posts: 2,644 ✭✭✭SerialComplaint


    headmaster wrote: »
    Better to have it that way than have it as a free creche for parents. What the hell are parents thinking when they bring these brats and themselves to church? Thankfully, there are some parents who can parent.

    You seem to misunderstand how a creche works. Parents don't sit beside their kids in a creche. They go off and do other things while the kids or in creche.

    Or perhaps you do know it, and you're just trolling?


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    #13
    Cat Melodeon
    Registered Users Posts: 1,617 ✭✭✭Cat Melodeon


    headmaster wrote: »
    Better to have it that way than have it as a free creche for parents. What the hell are parents thinking when they bring these brats and themselves to church? Thankfully, there are some parents who can parent.

    With that very unchristian attitude, I wonder why you bother going yourself. 'Suffer the litlte children' etc etc. In some parishes, if a family does not attend church regularly, their children may not be allowed to receive sacraments. Modern work practices mean many parents are unable to split themselves between services in order to attend without younger children in tow. And unfortunately, most young children are not filled with the grace of the holy spirit upon entering a church and must learn the appropriate behaviour over time. Church is a community and all the community are welcomed there. Perhaps you need a different type of spiritual outlet if misbehaving children are enough to offend your sensibilities.


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    #14
    headmaster
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 687 ✭✭✭headmaster


    Would you guys agree with the parents changing napkins in the church, i'm being mild here. I really could tell of worse things happening. I'm a christian, i'm a parent, i'm pretty flexible, but they're just beginning to take it that bit too far. The congregation do want to partake in the sacraments, but cannot. I'm writing this here and now, you lot are saying i'm wrong, yet every single person i've spoken to in my community are extremely upset at the parents and their childrens behaviour. I guess they'll be using the aisles as a toilet next, because it has been used for everything else at this stage. No, it's not just one or two families either. IT IS DISGUSTING and so are all of you who do the same and agree with it.


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    #15
    SerialComplaint
    Registered Users Posts: 2,644 ✭✭✭SerialComplaint


    headmaster wrote: »
    Would you guys agree with the parents changing napkins in the church,

    Did they have the swan ones?


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    #16
    Orion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    Don't feed the troll folks. headmaster banned


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    #17
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    headmaster wrote: »
    Would you guys agree with the parents changing napkins in the church, i'm being mild here. I really could tell of worse things happening. I'm a christian, i'm a parent, i'm pretty flexible, but they're just beginning to take it that bit too far. The congregation do want to partake in the sacraments, but cannot. I'm writing this here and now, you lot are saying i'm wrong, yet every single person i've spoken to in my community are extremely upset at the parents and their childrens behaviour. I guess they'll be using the aisles as a toilet next, because it has been used for everything else at this stage. No, it's not just one or two families either. IT IS DISGUSTING and so are all of you who do the same and agree with it.

    *Mod warning*
    Can you please keep the thread on topic.
    I do not want it getting in to a religious debate.


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