Inappropriate (but looking back - HILARIOUS) things you did as a child

veryangryman

So i was 5, we had a garden and it was sunny....

Friend and I decided, "lets drown some Ants".

The drowning of ants takes the following required steps...

1) Dig hole in garden

2) Fill hole with water

3) Catch some ants (some of which sting) and drop into water


Step 1 requires shovel....hmmm only have 1. I give said shovel to friend and root out a hammer (the soil is soft so it helps to make the hole anyway)

Anyhow, i accidentally whack my friend, giving him 5 stitches in the process.

As a grounded 5 year old, i got mad and ran out across the road to mail a letter to them

"Patrick banged his head
It serves him right
Even if he died
I wouldnt give a sh1te!"


:eek: i know....


So 20 or so years pass and i spot some bearded young man in one of the local nightspots. Said fella brings up same story. Both of us in the pisses laughing about it now

Im sure im not the only one with the rogue past - anyone else care to share?

pacquiao

hoovered up the water in the toilet

Plug

Blasted my Mother and Father with piss as a toddler.

The King of Moo

Asking my teenaged sister how a sanitary towel was different from an ordinary towel.

ballsacky

Getting my lad out at every opportunity.

veryangryman

ballsacky wrote: »

Getting my lad out at every opportunity.

Is that where you got your nickname? Or are you Italian?

jamiecoins

believed that the celtic tiger would never end and we be all rich when we were 20

ballsacky

veryangryman wrote: »

Is that where you got your nickname? Or are you Italian?

Both.

Bobby Baccala

Murdered my family.
Good times......

Eve_Dublin

When I was about 8, my best friend at the time and myself put on all the coats we could find in each of our closets and pretended to be Rosanne and Dan Barr on an empty house on a building site close to my house and make up scenes and act them out. One day we were curious and lied on my bed with the coats on and pretended to kiss each other with a book between our lips. We knew immediately there was something a little bit odd about what we were doing.

We never spoke of that strange day since....

TheZohanS

Got hammered on port when I was around 4, ended up peeing against a wall....in the sitting room....

up for anything

Broke two house windows. Broke the car windscreen. Set fire to a barn full of hay. All in the space of a week.

orourkeda

I enjoyed kicking dogs and burning stuff

Coriolanus

Pissed on a chessboard because my older brother and cousin wouldn't let me play. I was four.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Our neighbours went on holidays and we broke into their house (ok they left the little top window open, i got a rope and droped it in and looped it around the bottom catch and lifted it and we climbed in thru the open window) and sat in their sitting room and watched their TV and rank their wine and vodka/coke. We were 9 or 10 and accomplished burglars!!!

pragmatic1

Had no regard for my parents personal belongings. Used to take electronics apart and then not put them back together. Liked getting naked a lot.

Ghandee

Helped my sister paint our pet tortoises shell a wonderful red color with our mums nail varnish.

The poor fcuker died about eight hours after we finished, if I recall right, something to do with them breathing through the shell or something? Can't remember exactly, it was prob 25 yrs ago now, but I do remember a seriously pissed off vet!

pudzey101

I used $hit my nappie cuz i was too lazy to go to the toilet like everyone else

krustydoyle

This is gonna sound really bad but i used to shíte on bits of paper and hide them around the house... No idea why i used to do it but i did... :o:o

Risteard

When I was still using the potty I once made a **** and then told my father, who was eating his dinner at the time. He told me to empty my potty. So I proceeded to empty my **** into the kitchen sink.

Bobby Baccala

krustydoyle wrote: »

This is gonna sound really bad but i used to shíte on bits of paper and hide them around the house... No idea why i used to do it but i did... :o:o

That is fucking quality.
Keep it up.:D:D:D

brummytom

Always referred to Protestants as 'Prostitutes', in front of family, friends, priests...

Crimbouser

Got paid by my teenage siblings to listen in (outside the sitting room door usually) on private conversations other family members were having and relay info. Great for a pound or two! Ps, on second thoughts it wasn't hilarious but it did pay the bills

W.Shakes-Beer

Going along the road picking snail out from under rocks and around walls.

Piling them up in a pyramid on the path.

Mowing them down on my BMX, over and over again.

The stain would stay on the concrete for about 6 months.

i feel bad looking back.

mackg

Not me but a friend went to visit family in England and was out with his aunt one day when they came across a bad car crash, there was a crowd gathered around and my friend ran off from his aunt barged to the front of the crowd pointed at the wreck and shouted "class", much to the horror of everyone there.

x in the city

veryangryman wrote: »

So i was 5, we had a garden and it was sunny....

Friend and I decided, "lets drown some Ants".

The drowning of ants takes the following required steps...

1) Dig hole in garden

2) Fill hole with water

3) Catch some ants (some of which sting) and drop into water


Step 1 requires shovel....hmmm only have 1. I give said shovel to friend and root out a hammer (the soil is soft so it helps to make the hole anyway)

Anyhow, i accidentally whack my friend, giving him 5 stitches in the process.

As a grounded 5 year old, i got mad and ran out across the road to mail a letter to them

"Patrick banged his head
It serves him right
Even if he died
I wouldnt give a sh1te!"


:eek: i know....


So 20 or so years pass and i spot some bearded young man in one of the local nightspots. Said fella brings up same story. Both of us in the pisses laughing about it now

Im sure im not the only one with the rogue past - anyone else care to share?

zapp insects with a magnifying glass under the glaring summer sun

buy a RC car and fill a container with petrol, set it on fire and let said RC car into the horizon...

hmmm might have watched too many smokey and the bandits, chips, mcgyver.. a team../

efb

Ready my sister's Judy comics- they gave me the ghey

skyhighflyer

I remember having an exchange when I was about ten with a girl who lived down the road from me that went something like this:

Her: how much did your parents pay for that bike, 50p?

Me: *mortally offended about someone slagging my cool new bike*: yeah, well that's what your parents paid for you in the orphanage :pac:

Her: *runs off in tears*

Turns out she (and the two other kids in the family) were adopted and nobody knew, including me. Ah well, never liked her anyway :cool:

Littlehorny

One Christmas morning meself and the brother drank two cans of Harp each, i was 9 he was 6! Great laugh for about 2 hours til we both got raging hangovers and couldnt play with our toys or eat xmas dinner!

mackg

Littlehorny wrote: »

One Christmas morning meself and the brother drank two cans of Harp each, i was 9 he was 6! Great laugh for about 2 hours til we both got raging hangovers and couldnt play with our toys or eat xmas dinner!

Lightweights! TheZohan was drinking bottles of port when he was 4.

ILikeBananas

I boiled milk in the electric kettle. My parents walked in as boiling milk was erupting out of the top of it.

westendgirlie

TheZohan wrote: »

Got hammered on port when I was around 4, ended up peeing against a wall....in the sitting room....

I was partial to a tipple of port as a four year old too! Except I drank it Christmas Day and was found snoring under the dining table

recylingbin

Pis*ed into a holy well in front of a gaggle of horrified nuns.

SeaFields

Stabbed my best friend of the time, a girl, in the eye with a nail. 20 years later she still has the scar

Princess Peach

Me and a friend used to dress in underwear and fancy nighties and pretend to kiss.

Probably messed me up for life.

ColeTrain

SeaFields wrote: »

Stabbed my best friend of the time, a girl, in the eye with a nail. 20 years later she still has the scar

Reminds me of this little rascal

Da Shins Kelly

Not something I used to do, but my neighbour used to always get his d*ck out and pull back the foreskin to scare the girls. We weren't that freaked out at the time, but in hindsight it seems strange to think that kids would do that.

CarMe

My dad had a glass roll on bottle of Sure that was a see through clear Orange colour. I found my mams tweezers, tweezed the ball out and replaced it with Orange juice and replaced the ball. I simply couldn't believe he realised!
Another time I was in my mam and dads bed one morning and my mam got up for the loo so I moved to her side and did a big wee for her to sit in when she got back in, she jumped back out in shock and they seemed very concerned that I'd do something like that as a joke

OutlawPete

Set skips on fire and stole transformers from local toy shop.

This feels like confession. Who's the acting priest tonight, what's my penance?

AgileMyth

SeaFields wrote: »

Stabbed my best friend of the time, a girl, in the eye with a nail. 20 years later she still has the scar

Not exactly hilarious though is it!

BASHIR

ILikeBananas wrote: »

I boiled milk in the electric kettle. My parents walked in as boiling milk was erupting out of the top of it.

Ha ha class. My friend did something similar, the dope put bloody beans in a kettle thinking they would cook, he was like twenty something.

Catari Jaguar

Throw something heavy down the stairs, then lie at the bottom covered in ketchup, limbs akimbo and get my brothers to run to wake my Mam and tell her one of us had fallen downstairs. She never fell for it, strangeley... Used to get all moany with us too and tell us to bog off.

One of my faves was putting mashed potato on a teaspoon and springing it back to flip at the kitchen walls and stick to them. That was ****ing funny. My ma went ape though, we sat there with these confused faces all "What's the problem?!"

Used to throw food we hated behind the dresser too. That must be why we got mice.

I remember getting killed for throwing our duvet on the bedroom floor and jumping off the top bunk onto it. Cracks in the celing, falling plaster... Unimpressed parents.

Prank calling 999 was another big hit in our house...

petethebrick

Pulled my wool hat down over my face and ran through Debenhams shouting 'Hands up! I'm in the RA!' and making gun noises with my fingers pointed. This was Debenhams in the middle of Belfast (1986) where my granny was from Was about 6 I think. Was dragged out fairly quickly by mum

Chuck Stone

Climbing ****
Jumping off ****
Burning ****
Building camps
Making go karts and going down steep hills.
Nearly drowning in rivers
Robbing fruit from orchards
Falling off swings
Smashing windows
Throwing stones at...

Not telling any more.

ColeTrain

petethebrick wrote: »

Pulled my wool hat down over my face and ran through Debenhams shouting 'Hands up! I'm in the RA!' and making gun noises with my fingers pointed. This was Debenhams in the middle of Belfast (1986) where my granny was from Was about 6 I think. Was dragged out fairly quickly by mum

I say they gave you a good decommissioning when they got you home..

buswankers

I was never ever allowed have chewing gum when I was younger, at around the age of 5 or so I used to go along the path on our road scraping the dried stuck in chewing gum up & eating it :eek: Seriously gross....i must have REALLY wanted some gum!

castletownman

My and my cousins used to plunder the local strawberry field. We used to stand on a ditch on the road and throw sticks at cars, just for the craic.

The best though was when my brother was about three and he really needed to go toilet during mass. He pulled down his pants and training pants in front of everyone at the back of the church and only for quick intervention from the ould lad, he would have gone there and then.

DazMarz

castletownman wrote: »

The best though was when my brother was about three and he really needed to go toilet during mass. He pulled down his pants and training pants in front of everyone at the back of the church and only for quick intervention from the ould lad, he would have gone there and then.

I'd say the priest loved that...

CarMe

Back when we played America in the world cup (dunno what year it was but I'm 23 now) I had just had a shower and was on my towel, my dad kept shooing me out of the way of the telly, I bent over and lifted my towel with the hope of doing a revenge fart in his face, but I tried a little too hard and ended up sh!ting on his desert boot. Him and my mam went mad and made me carry the sh!t upstairs to flush it. I was disgusted they made me do this!

Quality

I used to give the pet rabbit a swing in a plastic bag.

I would be going round in circles with the poor thing. Till my sister caught me and clattered the arse off me!


I thought the rabbit would enjoy it

fran oconnor

When i was about 8 or 9 me and a friend used to order ****e loads of take away, Fire Brigade Garda etc to the people that lived next door to him. We would open the window in his sitting room and turn off the lights, we'd be rolling around the floor laughing as the people next door flipped as the Curry man, Pizza man etc came to the door one after the other. Good times