Inappropriate (but looking back - HILARIOUS) things you did as a child

Teddy455

Took a shíte on bedroom floor when I was about 6.

Broke into to school and getting caught by the master.

Burning my parents bedroom floor.

Sitting on a stove and melting my pants into it.

Breaking my brothers and cousins' bed by jumping on them.

Taking a fart but went a little far and took a shīt in my pants and having to walk a mile to my home with a ****ty pants.

At my friends house and we were in a forest a decided to take a shît squatted down but it went straight down me pants and having to reach down to get it.

WoollyRedHat

Went for a poo in Paul's.... in his bedroom
Sorry Paul

fran oconnor

Oh, and that same house next door to my mate, his perants used to own it. And when they sold it the new owner never changed the locks, me and the mate decided to sneak into the house with a key that was never handed over, we didn't do anything real bad. Just moved all the drawers around in the bed side lockers and dressing table and the presses in the kitchen ha ha, i'd say they where freaked out.

Brendog

Having a bath when I was 3, showed my granny my testicles

Orando Broom

Toddler. Cut my middle finger off in a door.
Poured emulsion paint over myself and the floor. Had to be cleaned with butter. Have never eaten the stuff to this day.

As a Boy. Stabbed my friend in the leg with a bar dart.
Ran over a wheelbarrow in a truck in a builders supply yard.
When I served mass used to always have a slug of church wine before mass. Ate literally thousands of hosts.
Gave two elderly neighbors hell on Halloween. Not too proud of that one. The rest I'll defend.

Iang87

when i was like 3 i passed a gentleman of colour in a shopping center and screamed at how he forgot to wash his face. first black man i'd ever seen in person, i still chuckle about it

face1990

When I was 10 or so, I fell in with a gang of street urchins. We'd going around stealing 'kercheifs and the likes. 'Got to pick a pocket, or two', they used to tell me.

Jev/N

OutlawPete wrote: »

Set skips on fire and stole transformers from local toy shop.

the username finally makes sense

petebricquette

Myself and my best friend who lived up the road used to collect shiteloads of acorns, put them in two piles on either side of the road and wait for cars to drive through them. Fairly dangerous but absolutely hilarious to two 8 year olds.
Another time I was playing tip the can with my cousins and was hiding in a field behind my house when I realised I really needed to take a dump. Shat myself rather than run out and get caught then just put the underwear into the laundry hamper without saying anything to my parents. They were not pleased.

John Doe1

Oh god here goes, i dont remember this as i was very young but my family rememeber. At a family funeral i decided now would be a good time to crawl under the seating of the church up to the front where the family was. My mother had to come to get me and was apparently bright red.

FouxDaFaFa

We were at a wake once when my brother was about 6 and we went up to the open coffin to pay our respects. The dead woman's family were all seated in a little circle around the coffin. My brother looked in the coffin, nodded solemnly and said:
"Yup. She's dead".

Then followed an awkward silence followed by people trying desperately not to laugh.

EKClarke

I did many many things worthy of mention. Mooned have of Naas off a carnival ride, tried to grill an egg, had a pet rock and so on but one I was thinking about recently was when I was about 4 and I went up to my Dad's boss and said with all innocence and helpfulness,' You're bald'. He looked at me and he said,' Well now we know never to send you on a diplomacy mission for the U.N'.

Whispered

EKClarke wrote: »

when I was about 4 and I went up to my Dad's boss and said with all innocence and helpfulness,' You're bald'.

My youngest sister said the same to an elderly relative who was bald on top but still had side tufts. He told her that the crows took his hair to build their nest and she replied "Well I've never seen a crow with a grey nest"

OneArt

In school in South Africa I once told the teacher that when God made black people it was because he left them in the oven too long, coloured people were baked just right and white people weren't done properly.

Looking back that God it was Desmond Tutu who originally said that...

Balmed Out

At a wake the brothers and I went to the deceased room and eat all his sweets and stole all loose change before moving onto the change in suit pockets.

We used to go to the last hole of a golf course and hide behind the putting area. After a group of golfers some way off would hit their shots we would then rob the balls with plenty of time for a getaway. There was an old convent behind the last hole with a disussed grotto which was hidden by overgrown weeds bushes etc. Wed hide there and laugh at the "old people" trying to find us. The idiots at the golf shop would then buy the balls of us to sell as second hand.

Rubecula

Hid in a hedge and made clucking noises at the old guy who was doing his garden ( He threw a pan of water over me while I sat there.)

Decided that I was hot and my bladder was full so I went a peed on the fire in front of my mum's guests.

Thought it funny to remove the screws from a chair leg to see what happened. My uncle sat on it.

Told my sister that she should try putting mascara on her eyebrows like other women did..... I still have the mental scars about her revenge on that one.

I was such a happy well balanced lad. *sigh*

Apanachi

I set our rubbish bin on fire - not delibertely mind you, I was clearing out the ashes in the fire place one Saturday morning, I hadn't noticed there was still hot glowing ashes in there and put them in the (plastic) bin. A while later there was a knock on the door, our neighbour was frantically waving her hands and talking gibberish, we finally copped on she was trying to tell us the bin was on fire, my mother assumed it was our other neighbours sons who were constantly causing trouble and fighting with my brother (not that my brother was an innocent boy by any means). Anyway she assumed it was them and I didn't correct her, I never admitted it to her - shame on me!!!

The two boys didn't get into trouble for it though, as my mother had no proof it was them (well, how could she anyway?) so I let her carry on thinking it was them

Oh, and I also threw my younger brother through a glass door - also not deliberately (well the push was deliberate, the fact that he fell through the glass door wasn't)

Littlehorny wrote: »

One Christmas morning meself and the brother drank two cans of Harp each, i was 9 he was 6! Great laugh for about 2 hours til we both got raging hangovers and couldnt play with our toys or eat xmas dinner!

Oh dear, I think most of have probably done similar things, in my case in was Christmas (it's always at Christmas isn't it ) in England with my Grandparents, I was 9, my cousin was 8 and we drank sherry under the kitchen table - haven't touched the stuff since that time - yuck!!!!

Jimmy Bottlehead

Was given a big packet of smarties by visitors when I was about 4, and my parents told me to offer them to the people who gave them to me.

So I put them in my potty (clean, mind you) and offered them around.

No-one took me up on it

smash

BASHIR wrote: »

Ha ha class. My friend did something similar, the dope put bloody beans in a kettle thinking they would cook, he was like twenty something.

When I was 16 and drunk, I came home and dropped 3 hot dogs in the kettle and boiled them. It worked, but my mam was pissed off when she went to have a coffee the next day.

but as a kid myself and my cousin thought it would be great to empty my toy box and go down the stairs in it. We made my little brother go at the front to 'steer'... we forgot about the wall at the bottom of the stairs and went straight into it.

Also told my granny I had 2 willys and proceeded to drop y pants and pull back my foreskin to show her my hidden one... she was disgusted.

ItsAWindUp

Collecting money for 'charity' and just keeping it:o

well, i feel pretty boring now

skinny90

took a dump in john humes bidet.

skinny90

old school booby trap!used to take the pieces of wood from one side under the top bunk bed

upandcumming

Picked up fag butts off the ground and pretended I was smoking!

cowhands

Went to a convent in primary school and myself and my best friend use to rob the hats and scarfs from outside the classrooms and dress up the holy Mary statues

touchwood

fran oconnor wrote: »

When i was about 8 or 9 me and a friend used to order ****e loads of take away, Fire Brigade Garda etc to the people that lived next door to him. We would open the window in his sitting room and turn off the lights, we'd be rolling around the floor laughing as the people next door flipped as the Curry man, Pizza man etc came to the door one after the other. Good times

was just about to post the exact same thing. used tio do this to a different house every sat night on my mates road cos hes parents would be gone pub. brilliant stuff.

punchdrunk

I distinctly remember finding and playing with my mother's diaphragm
my Captain America needed a new shield in fairness...

Mr Benevolent

Ripped all the wrapping off the Christmas presents one Christmas morning in a quest to find mine.

When I was about 4 or 5 I managed to sneak out of the house and steal all the neighbours milk from their front doors. I still remember the glare of wrath when I got caught by the milkman.

Around about the same age my brother and I sneaked into a neighbours back garden who was painting his house, back door and window frames. He wasn't around when we got in but left the cans of different colour paint open and we destroyed the place painting everything.

The neighbours loved me

cosmicfart

on my estate growing up we had feck all to do in the evening espically the winter months so we invented this game called 'kick shít'. the game itself involved about 12 of us who would pretend to be beating the crap out of each on the footpath every time a car passed us by. Usually the persons in the car would just look on in sheer shock but on the odd occasion a man would get out and start to intervene at which point we would pelt him with water balloons. very childish but it wasted a few hours and was pretty harmless.

Amalgam

Minding my own business, humming idly, making my way to the local shops.. Man on the other side of the road is giving me the stare, crosses over.

Are you.. Amalgam, from St - National School, - ..Jayzus, I remember you.

You went through this mad phase of pouring OMO flakes into the class aquarium. The thing is, you kept doing it. Teacher thought you were a bit, 'special'.

Do you remember any of that?

Amalgam: Ummm..

cocoshovel

Jammed a pencil into a lads eye when I was junior infants because he took the crayon carton off me. He had to go to hospital...the cúnt


I remember just randomly pissing myself whenever I needed to go to the toilet, and then walking around with a huge soaking pants thinking everything was grand. I was about 5 or 6 and was well toilet trained. I just thought it was hilarious and didn't overly see a problem with it.


me and my friend were walking to the bus stop after school (about 7 or 8 this time). There was a black lad walking down the street towards us. Me and my friend burst out laughing and I started calling him a "chocolate spread face". . . . I still laugh at that one.

No.125

i set my granny' shed on fire..while playing with matches!!! nutgrove avenue came to a standstill with people jumping out of their cars to put the thing out..the shed was attached to the side of the house too..could have been mental. Still I regret nothing!

Contessa Raven

When I was 2 or 3 I had a really bad ear infection and had to be brought to the doctors. My dad brought me to his doc as mine was unavailable for some reason.
My dad's doctor was a big African man. I had never seen a black person before and I still remember the fit I had when they put me on the couch thing.
I started screaming and covering my eyes and saying "Don't make me look at him!!!" My parents had to hold me down and try pry my hands away from my face. :eek::eek::eek:

The doctor got really angry and told them to take me somewhere else as he wasn't going to be able to diagnose me because I was struggling away from him so much.

I just couldn't understand why he looked so different. Still feel pretty bad about that one when I think of it.

jackie1974

First time my 15yr old daughter brought her boyfriend into our house my 3yr old son went out to the kitchen, got an empty buscuit tin, brought it into the front room and placed right in front of the boyfriends legs and took a big dump in it :eek: I will never forget my poor daughters face :pac:

El_Paolo

WoollyRedHat wrote: »

Went for a poo in Paul's.... in his bedroom
Sorry Paul

I always wondered who did that

Jimmy Bottlehead

jackie1974 wrote: »

First time my 15yr old daughter brought her boyfriend into our house my 3yr old son went out to the kitchen, got an empty buscuit tin, brought it into the front room and placed right in front of the boyfriends legs and took a big dump in it :eek: I will never forget my poor daughters face :pac:

That's one form of birth control, alright.

Shane-KornSpace

Not hilarious but definitely Innappropriate:

When I was about 8 I was experimenting with matches. I used to burn tissues and throw them off the balcony of our flat.
Then one day I thought it'd be a smart idea to throw it in to the bin. The bin caught fire but I put it out with some water.
The side of the bin had began to melt. I thought I would outsmart my parents by turning the bin around. haha

Also when I was about 9 I was playing with a lighter. I realised it was very hot from using it and that my ma might know. So I put it in the freezer to cool it down. got too cold. So I stuck it in the microwave. That was last time microwave was ever used.

Lord Trollington

Use to ring 999 and shout down the phone get of the track the train is coming.

Only many years later did I realise that I should have said get off the line, in fairness I as only 4.

sbsquarepants

We used to fill an old burst football with stones and leave it across the field, near a bus stop. When someone would get off the bus we'd all shout "hey, mister...pass the ball back!" Caused many a broken toe i'm sure!
Seemed hillarious at the time, i'd kill my kids if they done it though!

Jerri Jordan

pooed in my grandads shiny gleaming milkbottles. he would clean them with pride for the milkman to collect. I desecrated them age 4!.
Age 6ish in the 80's picked up a load of sawdust from the butchers and threw it into my poor grannys eyes. thinking it was hilarious.

nicechick!

Set the dresser in our kitchen on fire oddly watched as they flames increased until we got scared!!

My niece currently has this obsession over her hair she keeps chopping her hair any damn chance she gets, her house is a no chewing free zone as she also loves to stick it into her hair of course being her aunt I forget and allow her to have chewing gum resulting in her hair being chopped once again! she has the must unusual look at the mo bits of hair everywhere this happens at least every four weeks when I come to visit! whoops

livinsane

I did so many terrible things as a child.

When I was 5 or 6, me and my friend robbed all the fancy ornaments off the graves and took them to our camp. We just put them back on random graves.

When I was about 7, I brought P.3 into school to show all my friends. Got caught by the teacher. At the same time I was obsessed with drawing naked people and destroyed all my storybooks with pictures. I used to hide them around the house. The mother has never mentioned it to me!

All the kids on my estate used to play a game called Knock the Cúnt. There was a tree out back with a big bendy branch. Someone used to sit on the branch and everyone else would shake the sh1t out of it while shouting KNOCK THE CÚNT until they fell off!

RichieC

I got in a fight with my friend and he kicked me up the arse, my ma said I came home crying saying Aido ****ed me up the arse

CardinalJ

My sister picked up a ballon she found on the street and blew it up when she was 6...... it was a used condom.

Siuin

I used to kick my dad in the nuts on a regular basis, til he lied to me and told me that it could kill him, and I was so afraid that I stopped XD



Smart guy, smart guy.

RichieC

Siuin wrote: »

I used to kick my dad in the nuts on a regular basis, til he lied to me and told me that it could kill him, and I was so afraid that I stopped XD



Smart guy, smart guy.

it can kill you! inside..

upandcumming

RichieC wrote: »

it can kill you! inside..

Of course it can... there have been a few times I thought I would die!

Captain Darling

My sister told me the german for vaseline was dickslider. I proudly went into school the next day and told the teacher in front of everybody about my new found knowledge of the german language.

face1990

Siuin wrote: »

I used to kick my dad in the nuts on a regular basis, til he lied to me and told me that it could kill him, and I was so afraid that I stopped XD



Smart guy, smart guy.

As it happens, do you have any younger siblings?