Inappropriate (but looking back - HILARIOUS) things you did as a child

cocoshovel

CardinalJ wrote: »

My sister picked up a ballon she found on the street and blew it up when she was 6...... it was a used condom.

Heard that one a million times. Apparently everybody's brother/sister did that.

CardinalJ

cocoshovel wrote: »

CardinalJ wrote: »

My sister picked up a ballon she found on the street and blew it up when she was 6...... it was a used condom.

Heard that one a million times. Apparently everybody's brother/sister did that.

Happened outside the old squash club in Rathmines. Maybe there's just a lot of condoms on the ground!?

Siuin

face1990 wrote: »

As it happens, do you have any younger siblings?

Nope!
Nipped that one in the bud

newmug

Rubecula wrote: »

Told my sister that she should try putting mascara on her eyebrows like other women did..... I still have the mental scars about her revenge on that one.

I was such a happy well balanced lad. *sigh*

Go on, you cant just tell us half the story and then remark that the revenge mentally scarred you! What did she do?

Also, the amount of poo related stories on here is pretty disturbing:eek:

riggerman

In Primary school got into a fight with one of the lads.Kneed him in the bold spot and split his bag . Seems the week before he had an operation to fix a problem down there. 20 years later and I'm still waiting for the revenge attack . (he did go on to have 2 kids so far)

veryangryman

newmug wrote: »

Go on, you cant just tell us half the story and then remark that the revenge mentally scarred you! What did she do?

Also, the amount of poo related stories on here is pretty disturbing:eek:

Some good birth control ads here alright!

AED

Lost a game to the wimpy child belonging to my Mother's friend. She proceeded to knock up awhile later and complain I'd attacked him. Mam didn't believe him and asked me what I'd done. He'd been winding me up over losing to him so I stabbed him in the back with a shears haha. Nothing too serious

DominoDub

[–]unwarrantedadvice 191 points 1 hour ago

When my older sister was like two or three, she came out into the living room where my mother was having coffee with her sister and said, "Da chocwet in da toywet is no good."

She had **** smeared all over her face.

She ate poop. Just straight took a bite out of a turd because she thought it was chocolate.

This is why I continually tell young children, "Poop is not chocolate, chocolate is not poop!"

http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/m60nu/i_asked_for_an_omelet_this_is_what_i_got/

PlainP

I used to pick chewing gum off the ground and eat it, also I used to stick my pencils in the fire and pretend to smoke them...

caitmb

Not very hillarious now but at the time I loved it....my younger sister was(and still can be) a thundering bitch.I however was a coward who had to wait til she was asleep to get my revenge.....One night i smothered her really long hair in vaseline! Took days of scrubbing to get it out.
Also used to get my fathers seriously smelly socks and lay them across her face when she slept.....sent them to school with her few times too!!

Achtung! Bono

I used to to scrape and eat lumps of plaster out of the walls while lying in bed.

Damn Parents and there crazy malnourishment regime.

vampire of kilmainham

ballsacky wrote: »

Getting my lad out at every opportunity.

did you fap as well

kenya

I threw away my mother's earring when she was shouting at me, when I was 7 years old.

psychward

I rolled in the mud in my communion suit coz I thought dressing up fancy was ghey.

BluesBerry

Me and my brother polished the hall floor (lino) with mr sheen to make an "ice rink" great fun sliding in socks weeeeee:D not so fun when mam found out what we done to her cost when she ran to answer the phone she was wearing tights no shoes and went in all directions trying to balance herself .....fun times :pac:

UglyBolloxFace

krustydoyle wrote: »

This is gonna sound really bad but i used to shíte on bits of paper and hide them around the house... No idea why i used to do it but i did... :o:o

Your username suddenly makes sense.

stoneill

I went through a phase of collecting snails, earwigs and what have you and put them into a match box. I'd then throw it out onto the road for a car to run over it. I'd then retrieve the match box and go up to an unsuspecting girl and say have a look at this - as they looked I would slowly open the matchbox and then stick it in their face.

Hilarious!

Arawn

Once while in dublin with my parents we were in school learning about the poor people in africa as you do as a kid, sure enough this was when there weren too many black people in Ireland, sure enough this day two black people walked by, cue myself shouting to my parents while pointing at them "look at the poor people mammy"


Still makes me laugh

Saaron

I remember when I was really little I was in the bath playing with all my toys and my Mom left to go talk to my Uncle or something along those lines. While she was gone I thought it'd be a good idea to pour all the bath water out onto the floor. I used a large toy boat which could hold a good bit of water and proceeded to scoop as much water as I could onto the floor.

I completely drenched the place and got in a lot of trouble.. hehe!


Another time around the age of 4 I was having dinner with my Mom and she ended up having to run out to talk to someone at the door. While she was gone I thought it would be really funny to hide and wait for her to come look for me, basically a game of hide and seek in my eyes!

I ran to one of our spare rooms, got under the bed and zipped myself into a suitcase (it had a doubled sided zip so you could zip it from the inside) and waited for ages and ages until finally she hadn't come to look for me.
Disappointed, I went to see why she hadn't bothered to find me but instead it turned out she was out on the street with all the neighbours in a panic thinking I had gone missing...oops..

Other than that I can't think of anything funny.. I know I regularly used to escape from the house early in the morning while everyone was asleep and wonder down the road in my pyjamas. :P

meoklmrk91

I used to call the priest God, every time I would see him I would just be like ''Hello God''

My sister was once mad at my other sister so she went into her room with the intentions of throwing everything everywhere, but then she realised that my mother would hear her and go mad so she spent ages picking everything up and putting it down on the floor.

One of the lads in my old estate used the phone box to ring 999 and tell them someone was after jumping into the Shannon, about 10 minutes later a number of helicopters passed over:eek:

Same lad walked out his front door one new years eve and roared ''Happy New Year ye shower of ****ers'':D

black & white

In my early to mid teens, a group of us used to stand at either side of the road in our town and wait until a car was about 30/40 yards away. (Twas the mid 70's when cars weren't as plentiful as they are now) We then used to lean back with arms and hands outstretched as if we were pulling a rope. Cue screaming of brakes and smoke..... Got many a chase out of that one.

BuzzFish

When I was about four I was taken to England for the first time. Having not met many non Irish people before, in the middle of a shopping centre I asked a black man behind me why he had coal all over his face.

We also had a dog called darky and wandered off one time. We walked all over town calling out his name. Imagine doing that now :eek:

All innocent fun but show's how times have move on.

crank_1975

Hilarious thread

Worrying that it is like a checklist for me.....poop check, wee check, disrespecting places of worship check etc....

MugMugs

I sh1t in my neighbours drive cos I wasn't invited to her Birthday party

Corholio

meoklmrk91 wrote: »

I used to call the priest God, every time I would see him I would just be like ''Hello God''

That made me laugh. Good work.

foxyboxer

I'm liking the Thanks/Excrement-related-stories ratio.

KTRIC

We once stoned this old woman to death because everyone thought she was a witch. Serves her right.

Cameron Poe

One of the older lads on the road blasted me with a water pistol so I filled a supersoaker with paint and laid waste to him, his mates and loads of the neighbors cars. Spent hours washing cars after. I was about 6.

I was also partial to some before play school streaking around the estate as a form of protest.

Miss Olenska

Bit my sister on the arse cheek during a sibling scrap.

Miss Olenska

Ghandee wrote: »

Helped my sister paint our pet tortoises shell a wonderful red color with our mums nail varnish.

The poor fcuker died about eight hours after we finished, if I recall right, something to do with them breathing through the shell or something? Can't remember exactly, it was prob 25 yrs ago now, but I do remember a seriously pissed off vet!

This makes me .

Susannahmia

(one of my first memories) When I was 2 I went through a phase where I thought a certain kitchen chair was mine (they all looked the exact same) and no one else was to sit on it.

To shut me up my uncle tied a ribbon around one so I could tell which one was mine and stop accusing random people of sitting on "my chair".

My grandad (who suffered from Parkinsons) was sitting at the kitchen table one day doing his crossword. He half stood up and leaned over the table to get a pen or something when I saw the ribbon on the chair he was using.

I quietly took the chair and then watched in fasination and horror as my grandad tried to slowly lower himself back to the chair, sort of feeling for it with his arse. He then decided to just go for it and fell smacking his head off the turf box.

He was grand after a while and thought it was hilarious. My granny nearly killed me though!:o

I also used to catch the stray cats around my house and "wash" them in barrels of water because my mother told me I wasn't to touch them because they were dirty.

LeeHoffmann

I told one of the family friends that she was very pretty except for her ''really big nose''...then told her she could be the family dog.
I also once told someone she had a head like a dinosaur (a triceratops to be precise).

battleaxe88

gave a boy an asthma attack, I kneed him in his nether regions. I panicked, so i hopped on a bike and cycled around to my friends house!!

Novella

When I was a child, my dad built me a little house out of wood in the back garden. It had a Fisher Price kitchen in it and I used to play in it all the time.

One day I decided I'd make dinner for my grandad. I chopped up some rhubarb and scallions which I'd pulled from the garden and mixed them with some turf which I'd crushed up.

My poor grandad thought it was some unusual new dish I'd made with my mam and actually ate it. :pac: My granny had to spend aaaaages cleaning his false teeth after that. Quality!

djfitzerjnr

Thought that my dad's record collection, a good few hundred, were frisbees which looked funny when thrown off of a wall.

Thought it was a good idea to put a bag of cheques in the microwave.

chippitychip

1. When I was small, I once told a neighbour that it was safe to walk on the sh1tty looking grass crust on top of a slurry pit. It wasn't.

2. To get off school, I'd take a dump in the toilet, make diarrhoea noises and then squish up the perfectly solid poo till it looked like runny crap - this eventually backfired during a doctor's examination!!

3. My brother, 5 years younger, played red rover with us in school one day. He wasn't running fast enough to break the lines so I gave him a push.....he fell, went under the hands and into the wall! Fvcker still didn't break the link although thankfully, he can hide the scar with a hat.

4. Ate coal, drank diesel and spent a week in hospital being pumped out

5. Was a fan of second hand fags, chewing gum, beer cans etc

6. Once shat myself in the classroom, blamed it on the guy beside me and followed him around closely for the rest of the day making fun of him

7. Seoul Olympics = Kitten swimming/diving. They were surprisingly good and all survived

8. Stole a friends cool new remote control car and then spent 2 weeks scraping off all the paint so he coudn't prove it was his. I shared MY car with him afterwards though - I'm good like that

9. Married 5 girls in my class in one day

10. P1ssed in my parents bottles of Bailey's, Vodka and other drinks just before Christmas. No evidence remains your honour.

ZombieBride

Tried to get out of school by claiming a twist in my sobriety.

Sentid

My sister used to put sanitary towels in my schoolbag, right at the top so everyone would notice the minute I opened my bag.

I'm a boy.

Aoifey!

All my family's embarrassing moments seemed to happen at church.



At my big brother's communion when I was 4 I thought it'd be a great idea to stand on the back of the chair in front of me, pull my dress over my head, and look around all proud of myself.

Another day in mass little 3 year old Aoifey was happily sitting in her seat picking her nose when suddenly mean ole' Mammy takes out a tissue and wipes my hand. I scream "NOO! GIVE ME BACK MY SNOTS NOW!" on the top of my voice for everyone to hear.

When my brother was about 5 and I was only a little baby we were outside the church. An old man (who lived with his sister) jokingly says "Oh maybe I'll just take this little baby home with me". My brother gets very upset and tells him to go home and put a seed in his wife's belly and grow his own baby.



It's no wonder we don't go to mass anymore really.

Odysseus

SeaFields wrote: »

Stabbed my best friend of the time, a girl, in the eye with a nail. 20 years later she still has the scar

I did something simliar, stabbed my mate with the gutting knife I used when fishing. It went right into his ntop lip. Same he still has the scar, I was fcuking sh!tting myself when when I realised what I had done, blood was squirting all over the place:o

Odysseus

Saaron wrote: »

Other than that I can't think of anything funny.. I know I regularly used to escape from the house early in the morning while everyone was asleep and wonder down the road in my pyjamas. :P

I think I was about 7 at the time, it was summer and I had to come in to go to bed. However, as the other kids where still out playing I wasn't impressed. I sneaked back down stairts in my pyjamas climbed out the front window only to find the other kids had been called in by their parents.

However, then I discovered that whilst I could climb out I could not get back in, the window was to high on the outside. My parents flipped when I knocked on the front door to get back in.

u_c_thesecond

when i was 10(ish) me and my friends ussed to buy cheap (i mean tesco brand cheap) santiry (sp) towels and nappies. We would put tomato sauce on the pad and stick them under peoples wipers

And brown sauce on the nappys and leave them on peoples front steps

we were little bastards!!!

John Doe1

I went on a murderous rampage through small town ireland, oh to be young again

jackie1974

Odysseus wrote: »

SeaFields wrote: »

Stabbed my best friend of the time, a girl, in the eye with a nail. 20 years later she still has the scar

I did something simliar, stabbed my mate with the gutting knife I used when fishing. It went right into his ntop lip. Same he still has the scar, I was fcuking sh!tting myself when when I realised what I had done, blood was squirting all over the place:o

My sister threw a box of fishing hooks at me and one of them lodged in my eye, that wasn't half as traumatising as my grandfather tearing into the room without a stitch on when he heard me screaming. I was wishing I was blind.

languagenerd

There was a song in Barney that went "Flyin' high, in the sky, we look back and wave goodbye.." and me and my brother thought it was "Flyin' high in the sky and we fuckin' wave goodbye!".

We were only 3 and 5, didn't actually know what fucking meant, we just thought those were lyrics! Used to sing it rather loudly in shops, restaurants, out walking etc. My mother had to watch Barney every day for months until they sang that song again.

mattjack

Burnt the new mobile to ground in Courtown one Easter.Burnt the replacement to the ground the following August....a 5 year old and match's do not go well.

carfiosaoorl

I cant remember anything inappropriate that I did as a child but when my daughter was about 3 yrs old (she is 10 now) I had her in the doctors. We were in the waiting room and she was looking at a book with farm yard animals. She was saying "look mammy thats a cow" "the cow says Moo" next page "thats a sheep" next page "thats a horse" and everyone was watching and saying ahh isnt she cute. Until the next page she pointed to the pig and said "look Mammy thats Mary Hearney":eek: I nearly died and there was a guy in a business suit sitting across from me and I could see he was purple and trying to look at anything but us to hold in the laughter. Little fecker I watched what I said in front of her in future:D

buyer95

Dad had just taken up golf(middle of the celtic tiger and all that)/ One day, my neighbour who was also my best friend and I were bored so we went into my shed and found my da's clubs we took one and a few balls.
Into the backyard we went. I was up first, I placed the ball down with purpose(I had never swung a club before) swung back, he was too close and I connected beautifully with my mates jaw. The force knocked him flat out.He laid there dazed on the ground for about 10 minutes... Needless to say we never breathed a word about it to either of our parents.

don ramo

remember demonstarting to my older sister that i knew how to use a lighter, didnt realise that her hair was so highly flamable, still remember her running up the stairs in flames to the parents who were in bed, she turned out fine:D

Kooli

I tried to do a 'FOR SALE' sign to put out the front of our house. It was just an A4 sheet with some coloured markers.
I tried really hard to do a pound sign but I couldn't do it, so I ended up putting the price of the house at 50p.